


Can't Let You Go

by AudBal79, Ellynndaria



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-29
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 82,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudBal79/pseuds/AudBal79, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellynndaria/pseuds/Ellynndaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Graphic Violence - NSFW - Modern Day AU with Dragon Age characters. Romance, Angst, Hurt, Drama, pretty much the whole gamut here. Focused on the relationships between family, friends and lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LONG, NSFW, VIOLENCE
> 
> We do not own Dragon Age, nor the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.
> 
> Alright,so here it is, the modern day AU that my best friend and I wrote.
> 
> A few warnings up front:
> 
> *It is an AU. There are no mages or dragons, so some liberties have been taken with some characters. (I personally would describe Anders as a mix of Awakenings and DAII.) Just because it is an AU doesn’t mean it is all butterflies and roses. They all still have personal issues, and have to find ways to deal with them, just like real life and is honestly the whole point of this story.  
> * ** _THIS SERVES AS MY WARNING._** I do not give specific trigger warnings. To me, that gives away plot points in the storyline especially when given ahead of time. If it sounds insensitive, I apologize, but books, movies, games and TV do not either outside of generalizations. There is graphic violence of varying types, and I will make author notes before these scenes if it would rather not be read. I personally have not put a single character through a scenario I haven’t been in myself in some form or fashion. No, I am not trying to write from experience either, I just followed where the story took me.  
> *Along with the violence we have graphic sex, mostly male on male.  
> *It is long and will be posted in chapters.  
> *There is a lot of dialogue. If you don't like that kind of thing, maybe not for you, but I feel this is the way humans interact with one another, and that is what the story is about.
> 
> So, there you have it. If you still would like to read it, Thank you very much and enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A large thanks to sehnsuchttraum (tumblr) who read this chapter first and helped me out with it. SERIOUSLY, IF YOU GET THROUGH THIS FIRST CHAPTER, YOU ARE A SAINT, AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.  
> See end notes.

                A typical Tuesday crowd filled the first floor and VIP balcony of The Hanged Man— not that it varied much on any given day, the only thing that changed was the wait at the door, the weekend bringing on hours of wait time for the queue.

                A couple crossing the floor drew the attention of Douglas Hawke as he leaned over crossed arms at the balcony railing. He asked of his best friend, “Who is that with Nathaniel?” He had been watching the gyrating mass with pride but outwardly appeared to be indifference when the rogue ex-cop had entered the night club with a slightly shorter and thinner blond man, jostling through the already packed lower floor.

                Isabela leaned over to take a look. “Oh, I know him. That’s Anders; he’s a doctor.” She stood back up, readjusting herself in her black corset (the girls had shifted from leaning over) and pulling down the black leather mega miniskirt that had ridden up slightly, her outfit completed by black thigh high boots.

                Hawke raised an eyebrow. “And you know him how?”

                “Oh, he and I had sparks one night,” she smiled slyly, adding at Hawke’s slightly disappointed expression, “Don’t worry, babe, I’m fairly certain he’s like us, and his gate swings both ways.”

                Varric sauntered to the balcony and looked over, his own comment deep and raspy, “Howe has some real balls to show up here.”

                The ex-cop looked up as if he had heard his name, and the three companions smirked at him, letting the man below know they were aware of his presence. The long haired, brunette man squinted back with a frown before turning his attention back to the blond and directing him to the bar.

                “Maybe I should go make sure they have a good time,” Douglas said while straightening. He rerolled one of his sleeves on the ice blue dress shirt that accentuated the color of his glacial blue eyes, gave his black tie another slight, loosening tug over the unbuttoned collar before dusting off black slacks. He raised an eyebrow, looking for approval.

                Isabela ran her fingers through his short, black hair, helping to fan out the front, “Alluring as ever; Merrill would be drooling,” referring to her younger, half-sister who had a major crush on the man.

                Varric asked, “Are you sure this is a good idea, Hawke?”

                “What is he going to do?  Punch me again? In my own club? He may be crazy, but I don’t think he’s stupid.”

                “What does he have to lose now since that incident got him fired?”

                Douglas’ bodyguard, Fenris, spoke up in answer, “His life.”

                Douglas just shrugged with a smirk.

                A new, feminine voice interrupted the conversation, “Hawke, I need to speak with you.”

                “Aveline! You come here too infrequently,” Douglas replied.

                Her red hair shook along with the stern, freckled face, “Not a social call, Hawke. A warning. There was another incident downstairs. You need to control the times we are called out here; you know Chief Cullen is gunning to shut this place down,” the police Captain chided.

                “That bastard is only after me because I wouldn’t let him have my sister.”

                “Regardless, he’ll follow the book to get what he wants.”

                “Duly noted. Thanks, Aveline.”

                “Anytime, Hawke.”

                “Come by your next off day; we’ll reminisce about old times,” he told his childhood friend as she was already turning to leave after saying her piece.

                “I’ll try,” she replied.

                “That’s what you always say!” Douglas called after her, but he knew they were both smiling; this place wasn’t exactly her scene. The two had been friends since they were kids, growing up near each other and many times saved each other’s hides in scrapes.

                Aveline stopped and turned to look at Isabela, “Shouldn’t you be at the Rose?”

                “What? Just because we have competing businesses, we can’t still be best friends?”

                “I meant in the backroom.”

                “Only if you’re gonna join me, Big Girl.”

                Aveline chuckled and waved over her shoulder as she left.

                Douglas scanned the club floor again, finding Nathaniel and his companion still near the bar. “Well, time to go see if my new honored guest is having a good time.”

                Isabela chuckled, “Going poaching, Hawke?”

                Hawke smiled back. “You know my motto: why work for it when you can just steal it?”

                Douglas made his way downstairs with Fenris by his side, the smaller, deeply tan, platinum haired man saying, “I hate when you mingle.”

                Douglas laughed, “Oh, but it’s so much fun when people look at your size and think they can take you only to have their asses handed to them.”

                “I’m glad you find me amusing,” the very deep baritone indicated he was not at all glad.

                “Oh, Fenris.  Stop being so serious.”

                “Do you want me to dance now?”

                “Well, we are about to cross the dance floor…” Fenris made a sour face, and Douglas just laughed before picking his way through the crowded floor, stopped every few feet by a regular or an admirer. Douglas flirted his way across but finally made it to the bar. Leaning sideways against it beside the blond, both men faced Nathaniel, who was now looking back at Hawke seething. Douglas was unaffected and asked almost cheerily, “Mr. Howe, what brings you to this fine establishment?”

                Nathaniel didn’t answer, but the blond did with a slight drawl to his words; finally looking at Hawke for the first time and smiling as he did, “It’s my birthday.”

                Douglas was taken aback upon seeing the blond up close for the first time. The man was gorgeous, his skin smooth and slightly darker than Douglas’, the sides of his blond hair pulled back from his angular face in a small ponytail, a stray strand hanging alongside his cheek that Douglas wanted to reach out and tuck behind his ear, fine stubble all along his jaw, sparkling amber eyes, and luscious pink lips that Douglas had the sudden urge to deck Nathaniel Howe for touching.

                Douglas recovered quickly, “Well, then this is a special occasion.” He waved at the bartender and received immediate service. “What are you having?”

                Anders looked uncertainly at him, and then, looked at Nate who was still squinting angrily at Douglas. “I don’t know.”

                “Right. Well, three Mage’s Revenges here,” Douglas ordered, smiling at the men. The drinks were placed in front of them in ice-coated glasses and set on fire. Douglas raised his toward Anders, “Happy Birthday,” before tipping the glass back and downing the contents in one swallow. Nathaniel glared at him and tried following suit, but gagged on the drink. Douglas tried not to burst out laughing, knowing the beverage made one’s mouth numb before burning like hell going down, but his already moving on to the warm glow in his belly.

                Anders looked like he was going to laugh, too, and Hawke winked at him. Douglas wasn’t sure but it looked like the man’s cheeks flushed before he looked down at his bought drink. The blond picked it up, and with a raised hand to Douglas, he took a tentative sip and smiled before downing the rest himself. Douglas raised an eyebrow, smiling broadly back. The empty glass was replaced on the bar and the blond said, “Well, you know Nate,” with an extended a hand, “I’m Anders.”

                Hawke accepted the offered hand, the other soft in his. “Douglas.”

                “So, how do you two know each other?”

                “Oh, one memorable evening I am still trying to forget.”

                “You aren’t friends then?”

                “Unfortunately not.”

                “Then why are you over here talking to him?”

                “Technically, at the moment, I’m not,” he smiled at Anders, “but I’m here to ensure Mr. Howe is having a good time. I don’t want any trouble.”

                Nathaniel finally spoke, his deep baritone easily carrying over the noise of the club, “I’m not here to cause problems.”

                “That’s good; the last thing I need is Aveline yelling at me again.”

                Anders looked surprised. “You know Captain Hendyr?” obviously knowing the woman himself, possibly through Nathaniel.

                Douglas shrugged. “Childhood friend.”

                “So, are you the manager or something?”

                Douglas smiled. “Owner.”

                “Really?” Anders looked conflicted for a second before blurting out, “So, why did you call it The Hanged Man?”

                Douglas smiled wickedly, honestly used to the question, “Well, I was going to call it The Hung Man, but I didn’t want to mortify my mother.”

                Nathaniel snorted, “I always pegged you for a mama’s boy.”

                Anders turned to Nathaniel quickly and chided, “That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” causing Douglas to smirk at the former cop smugly, but adjusted his expression to wounded when the blond turned back to him. Anders apologized, “Forgive him. I had to drag him here.”

                “Well, I’m glad you did.” Douglas was certain the man blushed that time.

                “I always wanted to come here. I heard it was the best club in Kirkwall.”

                “I try.”

                “Well, you’re doing a good job.”

                Douglas smiled at him, almost certain the tone had been flirtatious. “Thank you.” A song started playing that Anders obviously enjoyed, because he started moving faintly to the beat. Douglas watching his swaying hips with a smile. “Why don’t you go dance?”

                “Nate doesn’t dance.”

                “I’ll dance with you,” Douglas responded, not giving Nathaniel a chance to jump in.

                Anders looked at him with a smile, and after a moment answered, “Alright.”

                Douglas grabbed his hand and pulled him to the floor, standing behind Anders but leaving adequate modesty space between the two so not to send the man running scared and refraining from actually touching the blond as they started dancing to the suggestive song playing over the club’s loud speakers. Now that they were standing together, Douglas could see the man was a few inches shorter than himself which Douglas found strangely endearing.

                After a few lines of the music, Anders closed the distance between them, grinding his backside into Douglas’ hips. Hawke almost jumped backward at the unexpected advance, but smiled as the blond continued rubbing against him while Nathaniel looked like he was about to cross the dance floor to kill Douglas. “Your boyfriend is glaring at me,” he spoke into the blond’s ear.

                “Oh, we’re not together. Well, at least not anymore.”

                Douglas had initially started this for revenge, just to show the former cop if he wanted the blond, he could have him but was surprised when he actually felt relieved the two weren’t together. “So, if you are here with a friend, is it safe to assume a man as handsome as yourself is actually single?”

                “Yes. And you?”

                Douglas’ heart had actually done a cartwheel in his chest at the response to his question, but his own tone remained playful as he answered, “Terminally so, I am afraid.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Most people usually only want something from me, and the few relationships I have had ended with either their bad timing or them being commitment-phobes.”

                “I’m sorry to hear that.” Anders actually did sound sorry.

                Douglas placed his hands on the other man’s hips, pulling them a bit further into his own and nuzzling the blond’s ear. “At this moment, I’m not.” He smiled when Anders shivered against him, adding, “Unless, of course, you are only using me for this one dance.”

                “Well, I don’t know about you, but now that I’m out here, I don’t plan on stopping.”

                “If that was an invitation, I accept.”

                Anders rubbed up against Douglas’ length and he had to bite back a groan when the man replied, “It was.”

                Douglas looked up at Nathaniel again, who was glowering and really starting to get antsy now, and he smirked at the man. Nathaniel took a step toward him, but Douglas shifted his gaze with a smile toward Fenris, who was standing in between the two men. The brunette’s silver eyes followed before he retreated back to the bar.

                The first few beats of the next song started playing, and Douglas turned his attention to the balcony with a large smile. Isabela nodded knowingly with her own smile, dancing to the song. Douglas slid his hand down Anders’ thigh and then brought it back up, sliding the hand underneath the pale tan, light sweater pleased to find the man’s cargo jeans riding a bit low on his slender waist and Douglas hand was now resting on bare skin of the blond’s hip bone. Anders’ faint cologne was intoxicating, and Douglas nuzzled his ear again, singing into it, “Dirty babe, you see these shackles, baby, I’m your slave. I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave; it’s just that no one makes me feel this way.”

                Anders’ hips bucked back into his at the words, and Douglas slid his hand to the midline of the man’s abdomen the very tip of his pinky under the waistband of the other man’s pants and letting it linger for a few moments before sliding the hand up surprisingly well defined abs. Anders spun around to face him, Hawke’s hand now on his back, and Douglas was struck stupid for a moment by the amber colored eyes looking back at him. He pulled the other man into him, their hips rubbing together, Douglas trying hard to remember a time he was more turned on, simultaneously trying harder not to think about it at all. Douglas repeated the lines of the song, his mouth hovering over the perfect, pink lips and his gaze completely fixated on them. Douglas tried to not be surprised when Anders grabbed his backside, playfully swatting it at the word whip, and Douglas smiled while biting his lower lip.

                They danced through several more songs before a slow one started playing, and Douglas was about to pull away when the blond wrapped his arms around his neck. Hawke smiled and wrapped his arms around the slender waist, swaying together to the slow rhythm. Douglas swallowed nervously when the thought crossed his mind this man in his arms felt so right, and the thought nagged him further when Anders’ hands lowered to the small of his back and a head rested on Douglas’ shoulder, faint breath caressing Hawke’s neck. He wondered if the other man might be drunk, but he wasn’t acting like it and his breath didn’t smell of it. Douglas allowed himself to think for a moment the man might actually like him before he banished the idea, knowing Howe would never allow it and would probably scare Anders with his lies. He would have to be content with this one night and try not to be disappointed it meant ending up back home alone. Besides, he’d only just met the man an hour ago and didn’t do one night stands on purpose.

                They danced through a few more songs before Douglas asked, “Want to come up stairs and meet my friends?” He looked toward the bar, grudgingly adding, “Nathaniel can come too if he wants.”

                “Okay,” Anders smiled widely, and Douglas couldn’t help but smile back. They made their way towards Nathaniel, Douglas lingering by Fenris and watching the two men. Howe looked angrier than he had before, silver eyes glaring daggers at Douglas. Howe was clearly flat out refusing to go upstairs and trying to convince Anders to do the same. Anders shrugged and turned to rejoin Hawke, Douglas smiling widely at him while Nathaniel boiled with rage. Douglas slipped his arm around the blond’s waist, guiding him through the club and up to the balcony.

                He introduced Anders to several of the usual guests before turning to his lithe shadow, “This is my bodyguard, Fenris, by the way.”

                Anders raised an eyebrow, “Your bodyguard?”

                The tone at which the small man answered left no doubt in anyone’s mind he could snap someone in half like a twig, “Yes.”

                They turned their attentions to Douglas two best friends. “This is Varric Tethras,” allowing the two men to shake hands before adding, “And everyone knows Isabela.”

                “Oh, yes, Isabela.” Anders looked slightly embarrassed at the fact Hawke seemed to know about the two of them together.

                “Don’t worry about it, sweetness. He says everybody, because he’s guilty too,” Isabela and Douglas laughed, Hawke winking at Anders. Her lips twisted into a sultry smirk before she added, “I hope you know that right now you are the most hated man in this club.”

                Varric tagged on, “Probably in the city when this story gets out.”

                Anders looked at them in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

                Isabela said, “Not only did you get Douglas Hawke to dance with you, you got him to continue dancing with you for well over an hour.”

                Varric chuckled, “A slow dance too.”

                Anders replied shyly, “Oh, he’s just being nice because it’s my birthday.”

                Isabela smiled slyly, “Is he now? What did you give me for my birthday, Hawke?”

                “That motorcycle parked in my spot.”

                Varric asked, “And mine?”

                “I introduced you to Bianca.”

                Varric chuckled, “I’m still not sure that was a gift,” he joked, looking lovingly at his fiancé, a very tall, beautiful, curly haired redhead, who was smiling back at the very short, stocky, blond man in the long, brown, leather coat.

                Fenris was curious, “And what are you going to get me, Hawke?”

                “Ballet lessons if you don’t learn to lighten up.” Douglas laughed along with his two friends. Fenris scowled slightly before he chuckled too.

                Isabela grudgingly admitted, “Okay, fine, maybe when it comes to birthdays, he is a giver; that doesn’t change what I said though.”

                Varric asked curiously, “Didn’t you happen to read the article not that long ago about the most eligible bachelor in the city?”

                When Anders shook his head no, Varric looked wounded, but Douglas said, “Thank the Maker.”

                “All I am saying is wait until Vera gets wind of this.”

                “Please, Varric, we all know you freelance under that pen. What I’m completely shocked at is you didn’t add that last t.”

                “You know, I almost did, but Starricht seemed a little much.”

                Douglas snorted at that, “Leave the name of the innocent out of it, and you can write your story.”

                “Deal.”

                Anders cocked an eyebrow. “What if I don’t want my name left out of it? What if I want everyone to know just who brought down the most eligible bachelor in Kirkwall?”

                Varric chuckled, “Ah, the adventurous type are you?”

                Douglas was firm, “No. Trust me; it’s better this way.”

                Varric nodded his head in agreement, “It is, Blondie.” A smile crossed Varric’s lips. “Although, how about a compromise? That’s your new nickname from me, and I’ll use that, how does that sound?”

                Anders shrugged. “Fine with me.”

                Douglas grumbled his assent, and Varric looked pleased with himself. Nobody had actually noticed Isabela had disappeared and reappeared except for Douglas. The sexy brunette came back holding a cupcake, and Douglas lit the candle with a lighter he procured from his pocket. Everyone sang happy birthday to the blushing blond and urged him to make a wish. Anders closed his eyes, making his wish before blowing out the tiny flame. A celebratory kiss was placed on a stubbled cheek by Isabela as everyone else clapped and cheered. The blond man looked so happy, Douglas felt a small pang of regret but when Anders’ smile turned to him, Hawke smiled back faintly.

                Isabela came to stand beside Douglas and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze before leaning against his shoulder and whispering in his ear, “You’re starting to look like someone just kicked your dog.” His only response was a vague smile. “I’m sorry, Hawke,” she knew her best friend well enough to know why he was upset. “Up for a ride later?” she smiled wickedly when he turned and looked at her before nodding his agreement. She gave him a wink and his hand a pleased squeeze before they turned their attention back to the blond who was now eating the cupcake with relish. Douglas had to chuckle at the enthusiasm.

                They stayed upstairs, chatting for a while until Anders started to look tired, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a yawn. The other man probably had to work today and most likely tomorrow also. Douglas couldn’t resist the urge this time to brush the strand of hair back. “Are you ready to go? I can take you home if you want.”

                Anders looked down at Nathaniel, the man still glowering from the bar. Douglas had completely forgotten about him and tried to cover his disappointment at the coming no. Anders answered shyly, “Alright.”

                Douglas was shocked and smiled widely at the unexpected response. “Okay, well, wait here a second. I’ll be right back.” He walked over to Isabela, demanding as a best friend could, “Let me borrow your extra helmet.”

                Isabela chuckled, “Really? He’s letting you take him home?”

                “Yes. I was surprised too.”

                Fenris asked, “Why can’t you just take the car?”

                “I don’t think he’s going to give me any problems, Fenris.”

                “No, but the other might.”

                “I’m willing to take that risk.”

                “Then why do you bother paying me?”

                “Fine, how about this? I’ll call you; let you know I’m alright.”

                Fenris threw up his hands, “You’re the boss, do what you will.”

                Douglas sighed, “I’ll call you,” knowing the other man wouldn’t relax unless he knew Douglas was fine.

                Douglas went through a hidden door and down a small hallway to his office, handsomely decorated in antiques while a wall of one-way mirrors looked out at the club. He made his way past his large, overly neat desk to the large walk-in closet. After changing into a tight black t-shirt, straight leg blue jeans and a pair of black boots, he put on his red and black chaps, grabbed his matching motorcycle jacket, gloves, keys, helmet, wallet and cellphone before heading back out into the hallway.

                Isabela was waiting and holding up another helmet. “Good luck, tiger.”

                Douglas sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know my rule, Isabela.”

                She groaned back, “Of course, I do. I think you might want to forgo that just this once.”

                “What? So I can regret it more when he doesn’t call back?”

                “No. This time, so you don’t when he doesn’t.” Douglas frowned at her, and she shrugged. “See you later, babe,” she relented and kissed his cheek.

                Hawke reemerged with the two helmets and the jacket. He held the coat out to Anders, who was looking at it wide eyed. “We can take the car if you want, but then, we’ll have at least two other guests.” Anders slipped the red and black leather jacket on, and it was slightly too big for him. He looked so cute in it Douglas had to smirk, helping him zip it up. “Let’s go tell your friend bye.”

                Anders nodded and they made their way back to the bar, and Nathaniel looked a bit shocked to see Anders standing in Douglas’ coat and Hawke behind him with two helmets. “What are you doing?”

                “Douglas is going to take me home.”

                “I don’t think that is a good idea. In fact, I think it is a terrible one.”

                “You worry too much, Nate. I’ll be fine.”

                “You -on the back of a motorcycle with him? No, I don’t think so.”

                “You aren’t my father. You’re supposed to be my friend, but right now, you just seem like a jealous ex.”

                “You don’t know the real him, Anders, please!”

                “It seems you don’t either. Maybe one of us should actually get to know him before we start judgin’ him.”

                Nathaniel shook his head and looked at the ground. Anders turned to leave, and Douglas went to follow, but Nathaniel jumped up, grabbing Hawke’s upper arm. Fenris went to remove the offender but stopped with a look from his employer. Nathaniel growled, “I swear, if you hurt him, I will kill you.”

                Fenris growled back, ready to eliminate the threat, but Douglas held up his hand and smiled at Nathaniel, replying, “Once again, I think you have me confused with someone else.” He leaned in closer, smirking and whispering seductively, “But thank you for giving me some really wicked ideas.” After removing the shocked man’s hand, he nodded at Fenris, indicating he was done. The small man smiled almost gleefully at a chance to get a hold of Howe. Douglas lead Anders out the double doors after throwing a parting wave toward the flooded balcony railing, already, he knew, abuzz with talk about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting through this first chapter. I know it is a little awkward. When it was first written, it was supposed to be a oneshot about Douglas and Anders dancing to SexyBack at a club, and it really just took on a life of its on from here. That's why everyone is kind of crammed into this first chapter, and I really can't figure out a way to rework it at this point. 
> 
> Song sang:
> 
> Song Title: Sexy Back
> 
> Artist: Justin Timberlake
> 
> Writer(s): MOSLEY, TIMOTHY / HILLS, NATE / TIMBERLAKE, JUSTIN


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Douglas takes Anders home.

                Once outside, they walked toward the red and black motorcycle waiting out front at the curb. Douglas asked for the direction he was heading, frowning when he heard the address. It wasn’t far from where he and Aveline grew up; one of the worst areas in the city and definitely not a place one would expect a doctor to be living. Everyone had their problems though, and it probably wasn’t something people would speak about when first meeting each other, so he dropped it. “Alright, well, do me a favor and hold on tight, okay?”

                “Hold tight. Got it.”

                Anders smiled at him, and once again, Douglas was struck stupid for just a moment before he smiled back, pulling out the ponytail in the blond hair so it wouldn’t dig into the back of Anders’ head from the helmet the whole ride. The hair fell free, and Douglas couldn’t help but think how sexy the other man looked like this. Using both hands, he pushed the hair back behind the ears, and for a moment when Anders looked up at him, Douglas thought about kissing him. He released him quickly, quirking a quick, lopsided grin and slipped the helmet on.

                He threw his on and climbed aboard the sports motorcycle, glad he was just wearing a t-shirt and Anders a jacket, because Douglas was burning up even though there was a slight chill to the air. When Anders climbed on behind him and wrapped his arms around, Hawke’s breath caught. Part of him wanted to sit there and never move, while the rational side of him was screaming just get this over with. He started the engine and eased out into the street, certain the bouncers at the door were wondering about the cautiousness of which he was suddenly operating the motorcycle.

                Douglas desperately tried not to focus on the man pressing against his back or the hands splayed across his stomach as they headed across town. It was a slow torture that was over all too quickly when they pulled up in front of small house in need of some repairs but stood out from the rest by being extremely clean. They took the helmets off, placing them on the motorcycle, before Douglas walked Anders to the door, trying hard not to think about what happens at night in a neighborhood such as this.

                To forget about the topic, Douglas asked, “So, can I take a guess at your accent?”

                Anders looked up quickly. “Accent?”

                Douglas nodded with a large smirk. “You have an accent. Didn’t you notice?”

                Anders smiled back, pausing at the door. “I did. Most people don’t, however, and definitely not right off.”

                Douglas nodded again. “I also noticed it tends to show itself more when you get a little… peeved.”

                Anders chuckled at that. “Alright, well, go ahead.”

                Douglas studied the blond closely for several long seconds, and Anders grew more amused by what seemed like puzzlement. Finally, Hawke said, “Tennessee, the northeastern mountains to be more specific.”

                Anders' jaw dropped at the statement, which is what it clearly was, not a hint of question or uncertainty. “How did you…? That’s amazing. I haven’t lived there in 15 years, and like I said, most people don’t even notice it.”

                Douglas shrugged indifferently with a small smile. “Just a talent.”

                Anders raised an eyebrow at that, looking like he may question further, but he shook his head and dropped it. The blond unlocked the door before turning back around and saying, “I had a really good time tonight. Thank you.”

                “I’m glad you did. Maybe now you will come back sometime.”

                “I’d like that.”

                Douglas fished around in his pocket for his wallet and pulled a business card from the soft leather billfold. “Well, if you need anything from me, just let me know.” He went to hand over the card but thought better of it. “Actually, do you have a pen?”

                Anders nodded and ducked inside, coming back quickly with one. Douglas looked away from the open door, trying not to notice the sparse furnishings. Accepting the pen with a smile, he wrote his cellphone number on the back. “That’s my cell. There are actually times I am not at the club, rare though. Feel free to call anytime.”

                “Alright, thanks.” Anders placed the card back inside along with the pen and slipped out of Hawke’s coat, handing it back over.

                Douglas put the coat on; it was warm and smelled faintly of the other man’s cologne. He nodded his head, swallowing nervously. “Alright, well, goodnight.”

                “Goodnight.” Douglas turned to go, but Anders stopped him by asking softly, “One more birthday request?”

                Douglas looked at him, saying apprehensively, “Okay.”

                “A goodnight kiss?”

                Hawke’s heart skipped a beat and then started racing. His head was saying _‘bad idea, bad idea, BAD IDEA!’_ while the rest of him yelled out _‘YES!’_ Douglas smiled faintly and took a step closer.

                Anders suddenly looked embarrassed and looked down, chuckling, “You don’t have to.”

                Douglas tilted Anders' chin back up with a thumb, looking into the searching amber eyes with a smile before lowering his mouth to velvety soft lips. Douglas gave a gentle, slow, perfectly chaste, first kiss before breaking contact and smiling at Anders again.

                Anders smiled back. “I think that may have been the quickest return I have ever gotten on a birthday wish…” He thought about that a second, “Well, except for the one time I wished I was eating the cake,” and he laughed.

                Douglas chuckled also while pushing Anders’ hair back, his palm brushing across the stubbled jaw. His fingers twisted lightly in the loose blond hair, his other arm snaking around Anders’ waist and crushed the unsuspecting man to him. Devouring the sweet lips, he nipped them a couple times lightly and traced them with his tongue. Hawke’s head was screaming _‘Worse Idea, WORSE IDEA!’_ , but all thought ceased when arms wrapped around his neck and lips parted with a heavenly sigh. Douglas’ tongue pressed forward, caressing the other man’s and drinking in the sweetness of the blond in his arms and the feel of him pressed against his body. Hawke moaned slightly when fingers ran across his scalp and another hand ran across the muscles of his back. He tilted their heads further, delving deeper into the accepting mouth, agreeing with his head this was a very bad idea, because now that he had tasted this man he doubted he would want to stop. They kissed until they were both heavily panting in each other’s arms, and once Anders could talk again, he chuckled, “Was that my present?”

                Douglas shook his head no, “I had suddenly realized what I wanted my next birthday wish to be.”

                “Oh, is it soon, too?”

                Douglas laughed. “Two months ago.”

                Anders chuckled back. “Well, isn’t this cheating, then?”

                “Absolutely.” He grinned wickedly before giving Anders another peck on the lips. “Happy Birthday.” Douglas reluctantly let the man go, took a step back and tried not to sound sad when he said, “Well, goodnight.”

                It must have worked, because Anders didn’t seem to notice, saying cheerily, “Goodnight.”

                Douglas walked to his motorcycle, zipping up his coat and pulling on his gloves. He secured the extra helmet before pulling his on and throwing his leg over. Anders waved at him from the doorway, and Douglas revved his engine at him, watching it close before peeling away and speeding back in the direction of the club.

                Upon arriving, he left it out front and headed back in, extra helmet in tow. The balcony was mostly cleared out, Varric and Bianca must have gone home. Hawke went back to his office, placing the helmet on his desk. He knocked on the closet door. “Ready to go yet?”

                “One minute,” Isabela called back.

                He walked back to his desk, pressing the speaker button on the phone and calling Fenris. He looked down at his watch; the bodyguard should be back at the estate soon.

                “Back already?” Fenris asked.

                “Yup, I’m back. Did he give you anymore problems?”

                “No.”

                “Well, shit, I was hoping you would get to toss him out on his ass.”

                “Who said I didn’t?”

                Douglas laughed, “Alright, I’ll be back later.”

                “Later.”

                Douglas hung up, and he riffled though some stuff on his desk, turning when he saw the closet door open. A disheveled looking man walked out, which was completely not what Douglas was expecting and the other man hurriedly exited. “Really, Isabela?”

                “You had my extra helmet, what was I suppose to do?” She emerged in her own leather motorcycle attire, hers blue and white.

                “Really?”

                “What?”

                “In my closet?”

                “Well, I thought about your desk too, so ya, small favors.”

                He shook his head, looking over a letter he had picked up and sighed, “What am I going to do with you?”

                “Aw, you love me, don’t pretend you don’t.” Then she shrugged indifferently, “And I got what I needed.”

                Douglas nodded in answer, placing the letter in the center drawer of his desk.

                Isabela asked, “So, how did it go?” He riffled through some more papers, not looking at her. Her eyes opened wide at his non-answer. “Shit, Hawke, wasn’t this just a get back at Howe gag?”

                “Yes.”

                “Then, what the hell happened?”

                “They aren’t together.”

                “They are together enough! Damn it! I knew earlier you liked him. Howe will tell him.”

                “I know.”

                “Of all the blasted people… I mean, really?”

                “What?”

                “Half the bloody town throws themselves at you, and you want the one person you can’t have!”

                “Figures, doesn’t it?”

                She sighed, “What am I going to do with you?”

                He smiled at her, “You love me, don’t pretend you don’t.”

                Her expression softened slightly, and she shook her head, stifling a chuckle. “Whatever, let’s go.”

                The two left the club and set off for a nighttime race through the city and surrounding area with no fear of any cops to give them problems; Isabela for the pure enjoyment of the powerful motor under her and Hawke to release his ever piling frustrations.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Mid-morning on Friday found Douglas sitting behind his desk, working through a mountain of papers and other work that needed dealt with before the nightclub opened that evening. Isabela was sitting opposite while leaning back with her feet propped up on the heavy antique wood much to Hawke’s tight-lipped chagrin. Complaining never worked anyway; she actually seemed to enjoy watching him squirm when he worried the heels of her boots would mar the old wood. Finally bored of watching papers shuffle, she asked, “Well, you didn’t exactly expect him to call did you?”

                Douglas frowned at the papers in his hands before setting them aside. He sighed, “I suppose not.”

                “I mean, you knew Nathaniel would have been out for blood after that. And you knew he was definitely not going to let a friend date you; let alone an ex he most likely still cares about, cares about enough to come to your club with.”

                “I know.”

                “Well, then I think we need to snap you out of this funk. Maybe Bianca knows someone.”

                “No, thank you.”

                “That girl is a model and you are saying 'no, thank you'? I’m sure she knows some male models, too.”

                “I said no, Isabela.”

                “Well, if you think I am going to sit here and watch you mope, you are sadly mistaken.”

                “Well, why are you? How does the Rose even stay open when you are never there?”

                “I have a good staff under me.”

                Douglas snorted, “I’m sure you do.”

                She winked at him. “Seriously, Hawke, let’s go do something fun. Maybe go away for the weekend after the party tonight.”

                “Maybe,” he grudgingly agreed. “What do you have in mind?”

                “How about going to the coast? We can work on finally getting you a tan.”

                “And ruin my perfect, pale complexion? I don’t think so.”

                “Fine, you think of something.”

                Douglas leaned back in his chair, trying to figure out something to do but only succeed in thinking about addictively sweet lips. He was starting to agree with Isabela and just should have went for it, but if just a kiss affected him this much, he could only imagine what he would be doing if he had actually slept with Anders. While lost in thought, his cellphone started ringing on the desk. Without a glance, he pressed the speaker button. “Hello?”

                “Uh… hi. This is Anders… from the other night.” Both Douglas and Isabela fell forward in their chairs toward the desk in shock. “Hello?”

                “Yes, I remember. And hello, how are you?” Douglas picked up the phone, taking it off speaker and bringing it to his ear while Isabela gave him a nasty look. The wall of mirrored glass overlooking the empty dance floor now held his outward interest for at least being far enough away from the desk that his best friend couldn’t eavesdrop. “I’m glad to hear that. … Better now. … No, not yet.” Douglas chuckled, “No, a perk of being the boss; you set your own schedule.”

                He looked at his watch. “Lunch? I can do lunch.” He looked at Isabela over his shoulder with an apology at the cancellation of their own date, but she waved it off. They finalized their meeting place, and Douglas hung up the phone, turning to look at Isabela with a goofy grin.

                “You, my friend, are hopeless,” Isabela sighed.

                Douglas rolled down his sleeves, letting Isabela reattach his hawk cufflinks before he buttoned his collar and straightened the tie. She “fixed” his hair, and he immediately ran a smoothing hand back through it to flatten most of it back down. The intercom button was depressed on the desk’s phone, and he asked, “Norah?”

                “Yes?”

                “Will you have the car pulled out front? I have an appointment. Also, send Sandal to pick up my tux from dry cleaning. I unexpectedly needed it tonight.”

                “Yes, sir.”

                The button was repressed, ending the conversation. Douglas asked, “Want to head back to the Rose, or do you want to drop me off and head back to the estate?”

                Isabela smiled slyly. “I’ll head back to the estate.”

                “Alright, just make sure you send the car back for me this time.”

                She laughed before agreeing, “No problem, babe.”

                They both gathered their things and headed out to the waiting car. On the ride across town, they talked about other possible plans and upcoming social events. As they got closer, Douglas said, “Make sure you are ready to leave at 7:00; we have to be there at 8:00.”

                “Varric and Bianca?”

                “Meeting us there.”

                “Balls. That means I’ll have to do my own hair. What about Fenris?”

                “I have another meeting at 6:00, so unless he wants to go out ahead, there will be no room in the car, because I will have to drive.”

                “Good thing I wasn’t planning on the ball gown, then.”

                Douglas rolled his eyes. “Please, as if you would wear anything that fluffy besides your hair.”

                Finally, the car stopped in front of the Chinese restaurant where Douglas was supposed to meet Anders. A kiss was planted against a tan cheek before an exit was made. Hawke reminded Isabela again to send the car back and then sent her on her smirking way.

                He was completely overdressed for the place, but he was used to that; Douglas spent more on his wardrobe than most people spent on their cars. He checked his watch again; there was still a little time to make a call before Anders would show up.

                The phone was answered in short order. “Bodahn, Isabela is on the way there. Make sure the car comes back for me. … No, they know where I am. … When he gets up, tell him I’ll call when I am done with my appointment. I know he wanted to talk to me today. … No, I can’t give you a time, just when I am done. … No, I cannot give a guess. … Alright, bye.” Douglas hung up and turned the phone off before slipping it back into his pocket.

                Anders showed up a few minutes later, walking around a corner in a pair of worn, green scrubs. He chuckled at Douglas when he got closer, “Well, don’t you look nice.”

                “Why, thank you. So do you.”

                “I must look like I went through a blender compared to you.”

                “Doctors are sexy by default.” Douglas smirked while pushing back a stray strand of blond hair.

                Anders blushed slightly. “Well, shall we? I only have about half an hour for lunch.”

                “After you.” The two men went inside and were shown a table near the back. They made small talk while the menus were looked over, and when a waitress came back speaking with a thick accent, Douglas ordered in flawless Mandarin.

                The reward was a smile from the woman, and it was returned along with the menus. She reflexively giggled nervously at the handsome man before retreating quickly.

                Anders raised an eyebrow at him. “You speak Chinese?”

                Douglas shrugged. “Just something I picked up.”

                The blond’s brow arched higher. “Right.”

                Douglas changed the subject, “So, did you walk here?”

                Anders seemed a little surprised by the dismissal, but answered, “Yes; my clinic is right up the street.”

                “Your clinic? Well, and here I thought I was special by owning a club.”

                Anders laughed, “You know, I heard that place was owned by the Coterie.”

                Douglas laughed back mirthlessly before shaking his head. “No.”

                “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

                Douglas smiled apologetically himself. “It’s alright. They have been after my place for years. I’m almost getting used to hearing that by now. Anyway, so your clinic?”

                Anders seemed relieved to be changing the subject this time. “Oh, right. I started the free clinic about five years ago.”

                It was Douglas’ turn to raise an eyebrow. “Free?” This could explain a lot of things.

                “You know, I get that reaction a lot. Yes, free. After I got out of school, I noticed a larger need for medical services by people who couldn’t actually afford to see a doctor.”

                “That makes sense; poorer diet and lack of preventive care would equal a larger need.”

                Anders smiled. “Exactly. So, my clinic sees everyone, no questions asked.”

                “No questions asked? Aren’t you afraid of people taking advantage of your graciousness?”

                Anders laughed, “No. I find most people who can afford a doctor won’t wait the time necessary to see one for free, nor would even want to sit in the waiting room with the people who actually need me.”

                “The uppity bastards… I would wait forever to see you.”

                Anders blushed again but the food was mercifully brought before he had to come up with a response to the comment. The two men ate in silence for a few minutes, Douglas amazed at how quickly the food was disappearing from the plate across the table. Hawke was about to make a comment when a beeper went off.

                Anders grabbed and looked at it. “Shit, I gotta go.” He dug around for his wallet, the brown leather of which was as worn as his scrubs. Throwing some money on the table, the blond looked apologetically at Douglas, “Sorry to cut this short.”

                “It’s alright.” They exchanged a quick smile before Anders took off rapidly for the door. Douglas checked the time; the car wouldn’t have made it back yet. He returned to eating, looking at the empty seat across from him while silently wondering if this was what being a doctor’s wife felt like.

                Once he was done, the waitress was summoned again. Speaking in her language, he asked if she knew of the clinic and where it was located. The young woman actually gushed over the establishment, explaining some of her relatives had been treated there and that it primarily worked on donations.  After thanks was given for the answer, she left and returned quickly with items he had also requested: two envelopes, a sheet of paper and a carryout box. The food from across the table was boxed up and placed in a bag. A large tip was given with a larger smile, and then, Douglas returned to the paper, writing out a quick note, and folded it into one of the envelopes along with Anders’ money. Once sealed, it was placed in the bag as well.

                He paid for the bill and left, giving the driver directions to the clinic a short distance away. He pulled the rest of the cash he had out of his wallet spare a $50, sealing it in the second envelope and placing it his inner coat pocket.  They arrived at the clinic within minutes, and Douglas went inside. A cute woman with light brown, curly hair and bright red, trendy glasses sat behind a cluttered desk piled high with files. Hawke waited patiently while she multitasked through talking to a few people around the desk and several phone calls all while sifting through her own organization of the files.

                She finally looked at him, a little bit in awe and suspicion of his clearly out-of-place attire before he turned a bright, easy smile at her, and she smiled back. He placed the bag of food on the desk. “Anders left before he could finish his lunch. I just wanted to drop it off in case he got a moment to finish it.”

                “Well, that was very kind of you.”

                “You are both clearly very busy, I will bother you no further.” He smiled again, and turned away from the desk, spying an elderly woman sitting near the door. Walking over and sitting down beside her, once again suspicions were eased with just a smile. Douglas asked, “Will you take this envelope to the woman behind the desk without telling her it’s from me?” He pulled it from his coat pocket, handing it to her. “Just a small donation for the good doctor and his generous staff. And this, dear lady, is for you, for your gracious acceptance of my offer.” The $50 that was withheld was presented as an offering.

                She took both with a smile and got up immediately to complete her end of the bargain. The woman behind the desk looked confused and opened the envelope to find nearly $3,000 inside just as Douglas slipped out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Sunday afternoon rolled around, The Hanged Man closed for the day, and Douglas was sifting through ordering forms and other paperwork for the club on everyone else’s off day.

                Isabela walked into the office, flopping herself into her normal seating arrangement, asking him, “So, how did it go last night?”

                Douglas looked up at her with a smile. “Perfectly.”

                “Well, don’t leave me in suspense.”

                “What is there to say? He accepted my scrawled dinner request. We went out, had a good time. We weren’t interrupted this time, and I took him home.”

                “And?”

                “And I slobbered all over him in the back of the car like a high schooler in heat. Happy now?”

                Isabela laughed, “I remember you as a high schooler in heat.”

                “I remember you snapping my heart in half like a fortune cookie, too.”

                “Please, babe, we were always going to be better friends than lovers.”

                Douglas laughed, “I know that now, but I had bought the line my mother told me about people in love.”

                “Honestly, I am still amazed that was your first time; Hawke men must have natural stamina and ability.”

                Douglas chuckled, “I’ll just take your word on that.” He shook his head, looking back down at the piles of paper in front of him.

                They sat in silence for several minutes before Isabela announced, “I’m thirsty. Do you want a drink?”

                “Might as well since I’m buying.” He grinned wickedly at the desk as she smirked back at him, and with a shake of her head she sauntered out of the room.

                His cellphone rang a minute later as he was filling out the hardcopies for Norah to input in the computer later, and he pressed the speaker button. “Hello?”

                A male voice asked, “Did you pick up the package I told you about yesterday?”

                “Yes.”

                “What about the contact I told you about Friday; did you speak to her?”

                “Of course, I thought I told you that yesterday. You still must have been asleep.”

                “Did she tell you when…”

                Douglas cut him off, “I have to go,” and hung up the phone without waiting for response. Hawke squinted at his new uninvited guest. “How did you get in here?”

                Nathaniel Howe answered, “One doesn’t spend their whole careers chasing slippery bastards like you and not pick up a few tricks.”

                Douglas leaned back slightly, placing his arms on the rests. “What do you want, Mr. Howe?”

                “I want you to leave Anders alone.”

                “Why?”

                “He’s too good for someone like you, Hawke.”

                “Someone like me?” Douglas asked with an arched eyebrow.

                “We both know what you are. Leave him alone.”

                “Does it really bother you that much?” Douglas said with a smirk.

                “Yes, and we both know perfectly well that’s why you are doing this. Why don’t you just fuck him, break his heart and get it over with?”

                Douglas laughed, “Is that what you did?” Nathaniel growled in response, and after a few moments Douglas’ eyes opened wide in realization of what this man really wanted and he chuckled again, “Oh, I get it, you just want to be there to pick up the pieces.”

                “I didn’t want to see him hurt at all, but I know that’s all you are going to do to him. You would have to involve an innocent person in your little game of revenge.”

                “You really are a conceited prick, aren’t you? I couldn’t possibly just actually like him.”

                “No, you can’t like him. You are just a heartless ass good at talking his way out of everything.”

                Douglas inclined his head slightly. “You know what surprises me? You obviously haven’t told him your lies yet. Or did you, and he not believe you either?”

                Nathaniel’s face flushed red. “No, I didn’t tell him. I figured your true colors would show through soon enough, but your silver-tongued devilry has already started taking hold it seems.”

                Douglas chuckled again, “You know, I may have some competition in that department. Anders is proving quite skillful with his own tongue.”

                Nathaniel’s fists clenched in rage, “Well, I hoped you enjoyed it, because it won’t last. I will prove one day you killed Lilley and it will be a good thing you like men when you are somebody’s pretty little bitch in prison.”

                “I didn’t kill your partner.” The declaration was calm and flat.

                “You can’t lie to me. You were there and so was the evidence.” The response was more heated and frustrated.

                “I may be a lot of things, Mr. Howe, but stupid isn’t one of them. Do you honestly expect if I killed someone to allow you to find me standing over the semi-cold body?”

                “Yes, you obviously are that stupid.”

                “And yet here I sit, free as a lark. Why is that?”

                “I don’t know. Screwed Cullen? That’s probably why you sent your sister away, so you could have him all to yourself.”

                Douglas felt his eye twitch with that one, indicating he needed to end this now. “Well, Mr. Howe, it seems we may be at an impasse.” Douglas leaned forward slightly with his arms still on the rests. “I’ll tell you what; I’ll continue to see Anders until you get me thrown in prison, and then I will send letters telling you all about our conjugal visits.”

                Nathaniel advanced quickly across the room toward Douglas.

                “Are there any good seats left?” Isabela’s voice stopped him in his tracks, the woman having slipped in mid-conversation unbeknownst to the ex-cop.

                He looked at both of them, obviously now not liking his odds, and with one last ‘I’m going to kill you’ glare toward Douglas, he left the room.

                Isabela followed him out, returning quickly once the man was completely gone. She flipped the daggers she was holding hidden against her forearms, and Douglas placed the pistol he had concealed on the desk with a relieved sigh. She raised an eyebrow at him, “Conjugal visits?”

                “A man can dream, can’t he?”

                She shook her head at him. “Something else he isn’t going to find out about?”

                “No. If he found out, we’d have another body on our hands pointing directly at me.”

                The two grabbed their stuff and went back to the estate after that, an unusual silence between them. Douglas was lost in his thoughts, one hundred percent certain Anders would find out about Lilley now. Nathaniel was right; it had been good while it lasted. Maybe he should end it before he got further entangled; before he got his heart broken again.

                The car rounded the circle from the wooded drive, stopping in front of the arched, wooden double-doors of the tan brick mansion, the biggest house in the area. The sun shone on the many spotless windows, glittering cheerily back at him beneath the eaves of the blue tiled roof.

                They went inside, Bodahn, the head butler, greeted them as customary when he opened the door after the gate called ahead, and Douglas grumbled back. When Fenris met them in the main hall, Douglas told him, “I hope you enjoyed your day off; it will probably be your last one for a while.”

                “We went surfing. Why, what happened?”

                Before an answer was given, another question was posed. “What the hell was that about?” A deeply tanned man in a black wife beater, ripped jeans and bare feet demanded as he stalked down the stairs. He was well muscled without being overly bulky and slightly sweaty, most likely coming from the gym upstairs but his short, wild, silvery-white hair looked more like he had just rolled out of bed.

                At the tone of the man’s voice, Isabela and Fenris beat a hasty retreat, leaving the two men alone. Douglas walked over to the entry table, internally cursing the cowards but outwardly riffling through the letters before responding with an indifferent, “What?”

                The man stopped a few feet from Douglas. “You know damn well what I am talking about!”

                Douglas set the letters back down, turning to the other with a shrug. “I had an unexpected visitor.”

                “Who?”

                “It doesn’t matter.”

                A 4 inch scar across the other man’s right cheek started ticking in agitation. “It matters when you hang up on me.”

                Douglas smirked. “I think you are getting a little too used to people jumping at your every whim.”

                “And I think those expensive ties are cutting off the blood to your head.”

                “Don’t mistake my love for you as free reign to treat me like your bitch. I won’t ask how high when you say jump.”

                “And my love for you is the only reason you aren’t an unrecognizable bloody stain on this floor.”

                “You wouldn’t do that. Just think how much it would cost to replace this imported white marble.”

                The man narrowed his eyes, growling back, “Some things are worth the cost.”

                “Well, this has been enlightening as always, but I need to go change. I have another appointment.” Douglas brushed past, heading for the stairs. He had almost made it to the first step when he turned to catch a small statuette flying at his head. He looked over the small hawk in his hand, checking it for any damage before sitting it down on a table next to the stairs and wordlessly continuing his ascent, knowing his lack of response would only piss the other man off more.

                Douglas went to the bedroom, shutting the door audibly without slamming it as the man below growled in rage and stormed after the two who had also done a disappearing act to try and get answers. Douglas changed out of his suit, opting for a pair of designer straight-legged jeans, a pale blue polo shirt with a small embroidered hawk on the left and black shoes. Transferring his wallet and cellphone to his current clothing, he hung up his previous attire to be dry cleaned with the shoes orderly underneath to be shined.

                Douglas grabbed a blanket from the hall closet and took the back staircase to the kitchen, wanting to avoid any further conflicts for the day. The large kitchen was sparkling, the industrial stainless appliances, dark wood of the cabinets and granite counters perfectly maintained by Orana, the cook.  Douglas smiled at the woman. “Do you have the food I asked for this morning?”

                “Yes, sir,” she turned and pointed toward a basket at the end of the counter.

                Douglas walked over, kissing the tiny blonde woman on the cheek. “Our secret, right?”

                “Of course, sir.”

                “Thanks.” He smiled at her before picking up the basket, walking through the back of the house to the garage and snatching keys off the hook. He headed to his red Italian sports car and climbed in, quickly speeding away from the estate, hopefully unnoticed.

                Douglas sped across town, the tires screeching to a halt in front of Anders’ house. With one last check of his black hair, he got out and bounded up the path to knock on the door.

                Anders answered, looking him over appreciatively. “Okay, do you ever not look good?”

                “Not if I can help it,” Douglas said with a smirk, pulling the blond in and kissing him deeply. He broke away with a large happy smile. “Ready to go?”

                “Yes.”

                They walked hand and hand to the car, and Douglas opened the door for Anders as the blond studied it with surprise. “How many vehicles do you own?”

                “Personally? Just this one and the motorcycle. The others are more for the estate.”

                “Estate?”

                Douglas blinked at the slip before giving a large smile. “Just a fancy word for a rich person’s house.”

                “Are you are trying to impress me, Mr. Hawke?”

                “No!”

                Anders laughed at the exclamation. “I was just teasing. I’m sure it seems clear by now, money is not my thing.”

                Douglas nodded as the other man climbed in. It was pretty clear, not only did Anders work for free at a job he could be paid really well at, but Hawke knew Howe came from some money also. The thought had never occurred to impress Anders with the car; Douglas liked it, so he bought it. His one big splurge to himself when he had his own money to spend instead of save.

                Settling back behind the wheel, he gave the still grinning man a wink before starting his baby’s engine back up. Douglas took his time, chatting easily and driving toward a secluded place near the edge of the woods. The weather was nice for early March and recently dry. He grabbed the blanket and basket, spreading them on the ground in the deep shade of the trees, pulling Anders down with a smirk.

                He pushed the blond on to his back, looking into the amber eyes and tracing a finger along the angular jaw. Douglas looked at him for a long time before asking, “Do you ever not look good?”

                “Sweetheart, I think you need your eyes checked.”

                “Or you need to check a mirror more often.” There was a small pause, and Douglas raised an eyebrow. “Wait. Are you suggesting something is wrong with my eyes?”

                Anders gave him a lopsided grin. “No, they are nearly the most beautiful thing about you.”

                “Nearly?”

                Anders nodded, “Nearly,” and pulled Douglas down for a kiss.

                They kissed each other breathless, Douglas leaning into the man below him, one arm braced on the opposite side as Anders’ hands ran across his back. Douglas felt a light tug on his shirt, and he broke away, smiling at the other man. Pushing himself back up into a seated position, he placed Anders’ head into his lap. Douglas pulled out the ponytail holder and started running his fingers through the blond hair. “So, tell me about your family.”

                Anders answered quietly, “I don’t have any to speak of.”

                Douglas’ brow furrowed. “None?”

                “No, I was told my parents died when I was very young, I was passed around foster homes until my mid-teens…” the blond shrugged like it didn’t matter.

                “Why were you passed around?” Douglas couldn’t believe this sweet man being a product of such a system.

                Anders shrugged again, “Most of the families were just out for the money involved, so I picked up a habit of running away.” He gave a lopsided grin.

                “I didn’t know fostering children to be so lucrative. Did no one ever want to make the arrangement permanent?”

                Anders swallowed thickly, looking down at the hands lying across his chest. “At first, but I was never quite what they had expected or maybe hoped for in a son.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Do I look the jock type to you? And it was Tennessee, in the early 80s. Men wanted their manly sons, and it didn’t take too long for them to figure out I clearly wasn’t it. I never got past the try out phase. So, I got older and no one wants an older kid, there has to be somethin’ wrong with ya they figure. Then ya go to makin’ the rounds in foster homes. Free money from the government and free work force as yer ‘kids’ to boot.” The accent drawled thicker as Anders got clearly more upset at the non-fond memories.

                Douglas blinked, and blinked again, speechless for the first time in a very long time, wanting to press, because surely that could not be completely accurate. How could people do that to a child? But Anders was clearly pained, so he scrambled for something else. “Wait. If you don’t have any family and you work for basically free, how did you or do you pay for your medical degree?”

                The hurt expression softened, much to Douglas’ great relief. “One time, when I ran away, I ended up gettin’ hurt pretty bad, and I was found by this old country doctor. He fixed me up, no questions asked, and then to pay him pack for his hospitality and help, I worked in his clinic without him ever asking for a thing. Eventually, the cops caught up with me though and tried to take me back, but he offered to adopt me with my blessing. I agreed, and continued working and living with him. I enjoyed it and I guess he thought I had potential and paid for my schooling.”

                “So, where is he?”

                “He passed away while I was at med school.”

                “I’m sorry,” Douglas said, frowning slightly. “Didn’t you have bills after?”

                “No, he made sure it was all paid for.”

                “That’s amazing.” Douglas ran his hand through the soft, blond hair, smiling at the man in his lap. “I’d bet he’d be proud.”

                All the unpleasantness left as Anders beamed back. “What about you?”

                “My younger sister, Bethany, is off at medical school, and I have an uncle here in Kirkwall…”

                “Another doctor in your life? And I thought I was special.”

                “You are,” Douglas said with another smile. “I will admit though: I am a little excited. She should be back home soon. Next year is her last.”

                “What about your parents?”

                “My father died about twelve years ago, and my mother a little over three now.”

                “I’m sorry.”

                “You’re feeling sorry for me?” Douglas shook his head in amazement.

                Anders studied the man above him for a few moments before he sat up and straddled Douglas’ lap, looking him directly in the eye. “I’ll make you a deal; you don’t feel sorry for me, and I won’t feel sorry for you.”

                A small smile brushed Hawke’s lips. “Deal.”

                The second pair of lips lowered into a kiss and then hands started roaming across each other. Douglas’ breath caught when the other man’s lips moved to his neck and teeth gently grazed the sensitive skin. Fingers reactively pressed into Anders’ back, and the blond’s hips responded, rubbing forward against the ones below and inducing a groan from Hawke. Anders tugged at the blue shirt again. When a hand snaked underneath and brushed across a bare back, Douglas snapped to his senses and swallowed nervously, asking, “Are you hungry?”

                The lips moved linearly to his ear, leaving a trailing of moist kisses in their wake. Anders’ breath caressed his answer, “Absolutely,” before running his tongue along the lobe, causing Douglas to shiver as his brain started to melt.

                Hawke blurted out, “Good, because I missed breakfast.” Douglas knew that wasn’t what Anders meant, and the blond pulled away with a raised eyebrow. Douglas slapped a smile on his face. “The cook prepared us a special picnic. We wouldn’t want it to get too cold.” Another nervous swallow followed the statement.

                Anders still looked very confused, but moved off of Douglas who fought off a sigh of relief before digging around in the basket for two glasses and pouring the white wine, handing one of them to Anders. The food was spread out between them, fruit, cheese and crackers, grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, salad and fresh biscuits. “I hope this is okay.”

                “Sure,” Anders sounded slightly upset.

                Douglas handed him a plate and after serving themselves, they ate in an uncomfortable silence for a long time. Finally having enough, Hawke set his plate down and moved over next to the blond, grabbing the plate and putting it down before clasping the doctor’s hands. “Anders, I…”

                Douglas was about to spill his guts and explain everything to the man when his phone started ringing. Hawke grimaced at forgetting to turn it off before picking Anders up, and after releasing the hands in his, fished it out his pocket. “Hello?” Douglas answered grumpily.

                “Where the hell are you?” Fenris growled back.

                “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

                “That was not the question, Isabela told me what happened!”

                Douglas looked at Anders before standing up and walking away. “I had an appointment. … No, if I wanted you to shadow me, I would have told you about it. … You wouldn’t dare tell him. … Fine, from now on, I’ll tell you where I’m going. … No, not this time; I’ll be back later.” Douglas hung up the phone, making sure to switch it off this time then turned back to Anders. “Blasted Fenris.”

                Anders chuckled off the strange conversation. “You know, I am still a bit surprised he’s your bodyguard.”

                “Just do me a large favor and don’t test the theory.”

                “I wouldn’t dream of it. Although, I do get the sense he’s not just a bodyguard.”

                Douglas smiled, sitting back down across from him. “We were friends first. We’ve known each other for quite a while, over eleven years now.”

                This time they talked while they finished eating, and Douglas repacked the basket. He pulled Anders’ head back into his lap so they could chat. The two stayed that way, Douglas idly running his hand through blond hair until the sun started to set.

                Douglas looked at his ever present, but necessary, watch and sighed when he discovered he only had two hours until his next meeting; barely enough time to drop Anders off and go home to change. He gave a disappointed smile. “I’m going to have to go.”

                The ride back was tinged with disappointments of differing varieties and when they got back to Anders’ house, Douglas gave him a long kiss; agreeing to lunch in a couple of days.

                Once safely back in the car, Douglas pulled out his cellphone and turned it back on, dialing the estate. “Bodahn, have the car ready to leave when I get there and make sure Fenris is ready also. … Thanks.” He sped off through town, hoping he wouldn’t be late. He was never late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the non American readers, (since I explained this to the beta XD) several areas on the US have Blue Laws which means all alcohol sales are prohibited and bars are closed hence the Sunday off day. :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is the Mystery Man?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Almost two months had passed with Anders and Douglas seeing each other several times a week for lunch and dinner and spending most of their weekends together. After the first rejection, Anders no longer made any of what he thought were unwanted advances, but they both enjoyed the company and continued seeing each other much to Douglas’ relief, having loved being with the generous doctor even if it did mean some cancelations and interruptions. Luckily, the office maintained nearly normal hours, which meant that even though the rule did not apply to workdays for staying “normal”, Anders did usually take his weekends to recuperate.

                They were standing on the balcony of the club on a Friday night, Isabela close to the rail and Varric sitting in a chair with Bianca in his lap while Fenris stood in the shadows, his olive eyes watchful.

                Bianca told Isabela, “Our dresses for the benefit are back from fitting, and I have a meeting with the designers on Monday. Do you want to come with me?”

                “Absolutely.”

                Varric interjected, “Baby, I’m glad you get your clothes for free; I can only imagine what it would actually cost me.” He looked over Douglas. “I guess I could ask Hawke.”

                Douglas laughed, “You don’t want to know.”

                Varric chuckled back, “Probably not.”

                Bianca asked, “Who are you taking this year, Douglas? Maybe she can go with us.”

                Douglas cleared his throat, knowing Bianca was a smart woman, but she really did have her moments. He tried to answer barely loud enough to be heard over the music playing, but there was a pause between songs and it sounded like he shouted, “I thought about going stag this year.”

                The balcony erupted in laughter at his statement, and Douglas just smiled widely, expertly masking his embarrassment. A couple of people said, “Ya, right.”

                Luckily, Isabela distracted everyone when she squealed loudly in delight and tore across the balcony toward the stairs. Douglas looked over, and the crowed had parted as a man in big, black boots, form fitting, black jeans, black leather suit vest over a maroon dress shirt with sleeves rolled up and unbuttoned to the vest, his silvery-white hair still looking like he had just rolled out of bed. Douglas’ and the man’s eyes locked for a moment before the man was pounced upon by Isabela, wrapping her arms and legs around him and latching on to his face with her lips.

                Douglas signaled the DJ, pointing at the couple, and turned his attention back to Anders. “So, I was going to ask you if wanted to go to a benefit gala with me. It’s at the end of the month, and I know it’s a bit last minute, so I planned on going alone if you couldn’t make it.”

                “You don’t have to go alone.”

                Douglas swallowed; he didn’t want to go with anyone else. He started to ramble, “I was hoping if you went we could chat with some of the attendees about your clinic. And you would be doing me a large favor, a tux is so much cheaper than dressing a woman…”

                Anders reached up to touch his cheek with a smirk. “You don’t have to go alone.” Douglas smiled back, and Anders raised an eyebrow with the twisted grin still firmly in place. “Did you think I was giving you permission to go with someone else?”

                “I was sincerely hoping not.” Grabbing the hand on his cheek, Douglas brought it to his lips for a quick kiss and another smile. Douglas turned to Bianca. “It appears I will not be going stag after all.”

                “Brilliant.” She turned to Anders, “Do you want to go with us Monday?”

                “Sorry, I have to work.”

                Bianca pouted back.

                Douglas told Anders cheerily, almost too excitedly, “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of everything.”

                After the first few beats of the next song started playing, Douglas quickly moved to Anders’ side and pulled him a few feet away from the railing as everyone else besides Varric and Bianca moved toward it. Varric signaled the waitress now free from other patrons and ordered a round of drinks for the four of them as the other people ogled the spectacle on the floor.

                “What’s going on?” Anders asked.

                “Pfaugh,” Douglas grimaced, “I don’t want to think about it. Look if you must.”

                Anders looked at Varric and Bianca who were smiling knowingly. Amber eyes grew wide as the words of the song started: _You let me violate you… You let me desecrate you… You let me penetrate you… You let me complicate you…_ “Okay, I have to look now.”

                Douglas waved toward the railing in dismissal, trying not to cringe, and Anders went to take a look. Varric and Bianca laughed at Hawke, knowing very well themselves what was going on below. Douglas watched Anders’ wide eyes grow even wider, and Hawke moved closer, keeping his back to the floor. Anders looked at him in amused shock. “I didn’t know you could even do something like that in a vertical position.”

                “Apparently they can.”

                “Who is that with Isabela?”

                “My cousin,” Douglas said in a growl barely audible.

                “You never mentioned you had a cousin before.”

                “I know.” The waitress brought the drinks, and Douglas took both his and Anders’ who was still watching the couple on the floor in amazement. Douglas swallowed his drink in one large gulp as soon as it was handed over, giving back the glass and ordering a double. He had once had the misfortune of being entranced by the “dance” downstairs. It had been like a train wreck he was unable to tear his eyes away from, and now, the scene was unfortunately seared into his mind. Everyone else enjoyed it, of course, but to Douglas it was his family, his best friend, his ex, his first, his club, and a very long song.

                Douglas tapped Anders on the shoulder and handed him his drink then headed back to where Varric and Bianca were now slobbering all over each other. Douglas rolled his eyes. He caught Fenris snickering from the shadows and gave the bodyguard a dirty look. Not that that stopped the other man, it only encouraging more chuckles.

                The song mercifully ended several minutes later, and the railing cleared for the most part, but the two downstairs would keep up their dancing for a while. That song was theirs and the floor always cleared partially when it played, but now the floor would become an entanglement of bodies with Isabela and her man in the middle of it.

                Anders rejoined him, and from the expression still on Douglas’ face asked, “If you don’t like it, why let them do it?”

                Douglas huffed a small laugh before stating matter-of-factly, “It’s good for business.” People tended to stay longer and drink a lot more on nights Isabela was on the floor.

                The four chatted for near an hour, but Anders was itching to dance himself, his hips moving to the songs playing in the background. Bianca got up, sharing Anders’ mood, and they danced together while Douglas and Varric talked. Douglas said, “We’re going to need you to come with us Tuesday afternoon. They wanted to meet over lunch at noon.”

                “Alright, I’ll meet you at the estate in the morning. That way Bianca can hang out with Isabela.”

                “They’ll have a lot to talk about. You know… benefits and costumes.” Douglas smirked.

                “No kidding.” The two laughed, knowing that wouldn’t be the only thing they talked about. The women weren’t always left at home.

                Douglas looked at Anders with a frown. Bianca and Isabela fit in with these men, but he didn’t. Varric followed the direction of the gaze and asked, “Have you had any more problems with Howe?”

                Douglas turned back to Varric. “No.”

                “That’s good. I don’t know if you are going to be able to hide this from him much longer.”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. “You doubt my powers of persuasion?”

                “Of course not, but I think he knows us well enough to know something is up that we’re not telling him.”

                “Let me worry about them.”

                “Alright, but Bianca and I are here if you need us.”

                Douglas nodded and turned back to watching Anders dance. “I think it’s time to reclaim our partners.”

                “Right behind you, Hawke.”

                The men finished their drinks and moved to the railing toward their dates, Douglas placing his hands on Anders’ hips and nuzzling his neck. They leaned into each other, their bodies moving together to the beat for a few songs when teeth started grazing the blond stubbled jaw and bared neck. Tongue and teeth teased the ear lobe with a whispered plea of, “Kiss me,” into Anders’ ear.

                Lips desperately sought each other as the blond turned around and arms clasped their bodies together, kissing hungrily. Suddenly, there was a lot of cheering spreading throughout the club that stopped the display of affection. Douglas looked around to find everyone was looking at them, and Anders' cheeks turned red from the attention.

                Varric announced, “Congratulations, Blondie! Another first! Hawke has owned this club for seven years, and that was the first time he had kissed anyone besides politely on the cheek!”

                “Oh, God.” Douglas looked at Anders apologetically and released him. “I’m so sorry.”

                Anders' cheeks were still burning, but he chuckled, reaching up and running his fingers through short, black hair. Shaking his head, he replied, “I’m not,” and pulled Douglas into another kiss.

                Douglas’ heart leapt, and he brought Anders back against him. They tried to ignore the second round of cheering, but it quickly got the better of them and they started laughing with foreheads pressed together.

                Varric ordered another round of alcohol in celebration. The four were happily chatting with their drinks when the people on the balcony parted and grew quiet. A maroon shirt now devoid of buttons to properly cover the tan, muscular chest beneath with leather vest also hanging loose, and silvery-white hair looking more disheveled than it had before made their way towards Douglas determinedly. Isabela followed a couple of feet behind, looking completely wrecked herself.

                Varric mumbled a “Shit,” as he and Bianca took a few steps back.

                Douglas squared off against the man with Anders at his side, trying to figure out what was going on. The man stopped in front of them, and even though he and Douglas were the same height, the presence of the one in maroon felt like he was ten feet tall and bulletproof. He looked Anders up and down before spitting out, “Who the hell is this?”

                Douglas placed an arm around the blond’s shoulders, pulling him close. “So much for polite introductions.”

                “Answer the question.”

                Douglas looked him over. “You know, with the way you two go through buttons, you really should just have snaps added to your clothing.” The thick four inch scar along the man’s cheekbone twitched in warning, and Douglas smirked before adding, “This is Anders. Anders, this is Fellon Hawke.”

                Anders extended a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

                Fellon looked at the offered hand in disdain, but Douglas laughed, saying, “I’d bet it’s been a long time since you last heard that.”

                Fellon looked back to Douglas. “Office. Now,” and he turned without waiting for a response.

                Douglas glared at his back. “A please would have been nice!” Then he laughed at his own joke, “Please… Nice… Right…” He looked at Anders and gave him a peck on the lips. “I’ll be right back.” Douglas looked at Isabela as he passed her, and she shrugged in confusion herself. Douglas made his way to his office, shutting the door behind him.

                Fellon snarled, “I am beginning to wonder if you really are just a pretty face.”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. “Thanks?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Although, I was beginning to wonder if you are just a testosterone fueled slut.”

                “That’s the point.”

                Douglas’ eyebrow arched higher. “What is?”

                “I’m out there working while you are up here, tying yourself down to one blond bimbo.”

                Douglas growled back, “Watch what you say about Anders.”

                “I’ll say whatever the fuck I want.”

                “Did you honestly expect me to stay single forever?”

                “No, but it has to appear that way. Or at least as long as you still have that pretty face and before I have to hire someone else.”

                “Was that a threat?”

                “You know I don’t make threats, but I was referring to the fact you won’t be young forever.”

                “Oh, you never know, I might run into a vampire or something.”

                Fellon smirked. “I couldn’t buy a break like that on discount.”

                Douglas forgot himself and laughed, “Me either.”

                Fellon went serious again, “I don’t care what you do behind closed doors, but I do care about your public image. Fix it,” and with that, Fellon left.

                Douglas let out an exasperated sigh with a roll of his eyes before following suit. Fellon and Isabela left shortly after the “conversation” and Douglas returned to Anders, obviously now concerned he was causing some kind of problem, but was assured it was just business with the club. They had a few more drinks, Douglas trying to calm his frustrations, but Anders finally told him he was getting tired after having worked that day.

                They went to Douglas’ office to collect his things before they headed out to the car. Douglas closed the door behind them out of habit, and as he walked past Anders, he caught a whiff of the other man’s cologne. Eyes rolled back in lust and he turned, crushing the blond to him and devouring the sweet lips. A hand twisted in blond hair, tilting the head back as teeth skimmed across the throat before gently tugging the head to the side and using teeth more liberally on the side of the neck.

                Anders’ moans egged Douglas on, his free hand pressing the other man into his own hips and kneading the firm backside. Douglas walked Anders backward toward the desk, leaning him into it and recapturing his lips, teasing them lightly with his teeth while wrestling tongues battled for dominance. Douglas tugged at Anders’ green pullover, raising it high enough to reach underneath and feel the warm, muscled back.

 _Damn Nathaniel and damn Fellon_ , he thought and moved his hands to Anders’ belt, kissing the sweet lips more hungrily. He pulled on the leather strap, freeing the excess from the jeans loops and as he started to unbuckle it a hand reached down and stopped him, Anders pulling away.

                “Douglas, wait,” Anders was breathing heavily, “Are you sure this is a good idea? There has been quite a bit of drinking tonight.”

                Douglas was breathing just as heavily, searching Anders’ eyes. He was slightly buzzed but he wasn’t drunk, but maybe Anders was. Besides, bent over a desk wasn’t exactly what he had in mind for their first time together. He stood up and took a step back. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” He quickly walked toward the door, saying over his shoulder, “I’ll have the car take you home.”

                “Douglas, that’s not…” but he didn’t wait to hear the rest, too embarrassed to face Anders and unable to trust himself to see the other man home.

 

* * *

 

                Douglas had been summoned to The Blooming Rose on Sunday afternoon, and after Serendipity greeted him, he walked to the back room where he knew Fellon would be. He knocked on the door, not wanting to walk in on something, which with Fellon was highly possible. He was granted access, but rolled his eyes with what his gaze was greeted with.

                Fellon was sitting on the couch in a pair of faded, ripped jeans with his belt undone and his red button down shirt fully open. Two women on either side of him were nibbling his ears with his arms across their shoulders, and Isabela was straddling his lap, attached to his neck.

                Of course, they didn’t stop when he entered, and Douglas cringed, “I’m sure you called me here for a reason; I’m not much into this spectator sport.”

                Fellon answered, “What part of taking him to the benefit is fixing it?”

                “I asked him before you said that; I am not breaking a date.”

                “You will, and you’re taking a woman.”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. “I’m not, and I am going with a man.”

                Fellon’s eye twitched faintly before one brow arched. “Are you having trouble finding a date? Any of the ladies here at the Rose would be thrilled to be hanging off your arm.” He trailed fingertips up and down one girl’s arm, eliciting a giggle. “Right, ladies?”

                “Anything for you, honey badger,” came the reply, almost in perfect unison, making Fellon smirk faintly.

                Douglas looked ill. “No, thank you, I already have a date.”

                “You’re not taking a man,” Fellon maintained. “Not with a conservative crowd like that.”

                “You think I don’t know that? Do you doubt me now?”

                Fellon studied him for a moment, “I never have before, but you’re going to slit your own throat.”

                “I have taken a different woman for the past six years; by taking a man this time it proves more availability, and that I am open to such possibilities.”

                Isabela added, “He’s right,” agreeing with Douglas.

                Fellon frowned at them both, muttering to Bela, “Just whose side are you on?” When Isabela just gave a smile, he sighed, and pinned Douglas with a cool stare. “And what’s the plan for introducing him to the less-than-liberals?”

                “He’s just a friend that’s a doctor of a free clinic, proving what generous, giving people we are to help such a man. It is a benefit after all.”

                “Uh huh,” Fellon still didn’t sound convinced.

                Isabela said, “I know there are quite a few men that have been eyeing him, even some married ones. Just let him take Anders.” She lowered her lips to Fellon’s nipple ring, giving it a wash with her tongue before tugging it with her teeth, and Fellon gave a low growl while Douglas tried not to vomit at her method of persuasion.

                Fellon looked at Douglas with pursed lips. “Fine.  Just don’t fuck it up.”

                “Have I ever?” Fellon didn’t answer, clearly done with the conversation and turning his attention to the three women. “Right, I am going to go now before I throw up.” Douglas left while shaking his head.

 

* * *

 

                “How did the fitting go?”

                “Good. Just the jewelry, hair, and make-up to go. What about Anders?”

                “Not hard to pick out a tux for a black tie. I took him to the tailor Monday night.”

                “You found a tailor open at night?”

                “You are joking. For me, they’d be open all night.” Douglas laughed.

                She rolled her eyes. “True.” Her phone rang, cutting off any further retort. “Hello?” She looked at Douglas. “Actually, I am with him right now. … Hang on a second.” She placed her phone down on the desk, pushing the speaker button. “Go ahead, kitten.”

                “Hawke?” There was a tiny voice on the other side.

                “Hi, Merrill. How are you, doll?” The woman on the phone giggled, and Douglas gave Isabela a wink.

                “I’m good. How are you?”

                “Better now that I’m talking to you. What’s up?”

                “I can’t talk long, but I was calling to let you know we went over every scrap of evidence in Lilley’s murder case again, and we didn’t find anything linking it to you this time.” Merrill was a forensic scientist, the city’s DNA specialist.

                Douglas let out a huge sigh of relief as did Isabela, and he said, “That is very good news.”

                “You should have seen their faces, Hawke. They were so angry,” Merrill giggled.

                “I can imagine. Thanks, Merrill.”

                “Anytime, Hawke.”

                Isabela picked up the phone again, “Thanks for letting us know. … Alright, tomorrow for lunch. … Goodbye, kitten.”

                Douglas leaned back in the chair, his hands over his eyes in an attempt to hide the mounting tears of relief.

                Isabela came around the desk and kissed his cheek. “Very good news, babe.” There was a nod in response. “Celebratory drink?”

                “Yes.” They knew unless the police had cold, hard proof he had committed the crime, they wouldn’t come after him. Douglas had way too many friends and a very good legal team. They didn’t even bother to write him speeding tickets anymore. Douglas let out another sigh of relief, maybe he wouldn’t need to just dream about conjugal visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song mentioned: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Men in Tuxedos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Another three weeks had passed from the time Douglas got his good news, and it was now the day of the benefit. Douglas picked up Anders that Saturday afternoon, driving him back to the estate. He was admittedly slightly nervous since Anders had never seen his house before, so he decided to bring him over early for the grand tour because most people always wanted one. He tried to peek at Anders’ reaction as they turned through the large, wrought iron gate and down the wooded drive that opened up after a quarter mile to a view of the mansion.

                “Holy shit, you live here?” That was a pretty normal reaction.

                “It’s an old family estate.”

                “Your family?”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. “Yes.”

                “Just… wow.”

                Douglas stopped by the front doors, and the two men got out. Bodahn opened the door to let them in, saying to Douglas, “Good afternoon, Sir. Welcome back.”

                “Thank you, Bodahn. This is Anders; he is my guest this evening.”

                “Pleasure to meet you, Sir.”

                “You, too.”

                Bodahn wasn’t the only one to come greet them after they entered the main hall; Douglas’ Bull Mastiff came tearing through the house when he heard his master’s car. Douglas knelt down, smiling widely to say hello back and trying not to be bowled over by the large dog’s enthusiasm. “And this is Loki.”

                “You have a dog?”

                “No, it’s a giraffe… of course, he’s a dog,” Douglas turned to look, and the other man seemed a bit terrified. “Are you alright?”

                “Fine,” Anders’ voice was very tense and not at all an indication of being such.

                Douglas stood back up and walked over to Anders, placing a hand on his cheek; the blond was shaking slightly. He turned back to the dog, “Loki, go play,” and the command was immediately obeyed as the dog took off back through the house to go run around in the yard. “Are you scared of dogs?”

                “Of course not.”

                Douglas could tell the answer was a lie. He would have to make sure Ares was put out too, because Anders would really be afraid of dogs if Fellon’s tried to eat him. A light kiss was placed against the tense forehead, and then Douglas started showing Anders around the mansion: the lounge, the dining room, the library, the kitchen, the living room, the office…

                Anders asked with a raised eyebrow, “You have a pool inside?”

                “Actually kind of both, this part is indoors, and the glass wall over there slides open so if we are having a party, the guest can decided if they want to sit in the sun or in the shade, the pools stay separated though by that small divider underneath. Indoor side is heated all year long and, of course, the two hot tubs, one on each side and sauna inside.” Douglas pointed out all the things as he spoke, his enthusiasm about the area thinly veiled.

                “Of course.”

                “It’s a lot, isn’t it?”

                “I should say so.”

                “Do you just want to see your room?”

                “Is there more besides that left to see?”

                There was a pregnant pause. “No.”

                Anders laughed at him, “You are going to have to draw me a map just to get to a bathroom, aren’t you?”

                “I should hope not; there is one attached to your bedroom.”

                Anders raised an eyebrow, “I get my own private bathroom?”

                “Every bedroom does.”

                “Beats sharing one with nine people, I suppose.”

                “I would guess so,” Douglas said distractedly as he made a weird face like he smelled something off. Kneeling down, he ran his hand through the pool water before straightening with a slight frown. “Alright, let’s go.”

                When they got to the main hall, Douglas said, “Wait here a second.” He headed back toward the door, speaking to Bodahn, “When Varric gets here, I need to speak with him immediately. Also, the pH and the chlorine are off in the pool, have someone look at that today.”

                “Yes, sir.”

                “Thank you. Oh, and make sure Ares gets outside.”

                Bodahn nearly chuckled his response to the demand, “Sir, that dog doesn’t listen to anyone.”

                “Then tell Fellon if his dog goes near Anders, I’ll shoot it.”

                Bodahn’s eyes grew wide from equal parts of Douglas’ uncharacteristic response and having to relay that message to Fellon, stammering a, “Yes, sir.”

                Douglas nodded and returned to Anders, who was studying a painting of a young woman. “Who is this?”

                Douglas looked up at it lovingly, studying it for a few moments before answering, “It’s my mother.”

                “I can see the resemblance.”

                Douglas chuckled, “Wait until you see a picture of my father.”

                Douglas continued staring at the painting, Anders grabbed his hand giving it a slight squeeze, “You still miss her, don’t you?”

                Douglas turned with a sad smile, nodding and saying, “Very much.” He regarded the amber eyes looking back at him and remembered to feel luckily for at least having a chance to know his mother. Douglas gave the other hand a squeeze back and led Anders up stairs. When they reached the top, he started pointing out the rooms. “My room is over there, Fellon’s down there…”

                Anders followed the finger that pointed out the doors nearly exactly opposite a long hall. “You live with your cousin?”

                “Yes, and when Bethany gets back, she will probably live here too. You know… old family estate.”

                “Does your uncle live here too?”

                “Ummm, no. Varric and Bianca will be there, and this is your room,” Douglas hurriedly continued before he opened the door.

                The room was decorated in greens and browns, a large bed in the center, the wood of the room richly hand carved mahogany. “Some of the old bedrooms got transformed into the new bathrooms. It seemed more practical than having a bunch of rooms that never saw use,” pointing out the large attached bath. Douglas walked over to the window. “And you can partially see the gardens and stables from this room.”

                There was a click behind him, and Douglas turned to find Anders had shut and locked the door. Douglas swallowed nervously before he smiled, silently cursing for putting himself in such a position while Anders stalked slowly toward him. The dark haired man showed his nerves through a chuckle, “Do you want to take a look?”

                Anders shook his head no, pulling Douglas into a kiss. Hands roamed over his body as teeth moved to his sensitive neck, his breath catching before sending him to panting heavily. Hands stopped roaming and started yanking the tucked polo from his belted pants and the fabric rapidly moved up his chest. Douglas breathless said, “Wait, wait, wait,” pushing his shirt back down.

                Anders stepped back, huffing a, “Really?”

                Douglas smiled and joked, “Are you hungry?” knowing they had just come from lunch.

                Anders squinted angrily at him before going to flop down on the bed, grumpily mumbling, “Blue is rapidly becoming my least favorite color.”

                “What?” Anders looked pointedly at him. “Ohhhh.” The amber eyes redirected their stare at the floor at yet another rejection.

                Douglas sighed, walking over and kneeling in front of him. “Look at me,” Anders reluctantly met his gaze, “There is nothing I want more than you right now, but I know myself well enough to know that if I go that far, I’m in, I’d want a full relationship. So, I prefer to take things slow. I have also learned from past experiences to first know for sure the other person is ready for that, too.”

                Douglas looked at the hands in his and chuckled with a sheepish grin, “I don’t know; maybe there is still some small part of me that wants to believe the romantic notion my mother told me, that’s what people in love do.”

                Douglas stood up, still holding Anders’ hands and gaze. “So, when you think there is a possibility you may love me back, let me know.” He released Anders’ hands. “But right now I need to go make sure Bodahn has gotten someone to take care of the pool.”

                A hasty retreat was made while tucking the shirt back in as cheeks started to flush from the burn of embarrassment.

 

 

* * *

                The large limousine pulled to a stop in front of the convention center and let the seven companions out. Fenris got out first in his tux, followed by Fellon looking disgruntled at the thought of being at such an event but no less dashing in his own tuxedo. After a hard, quick look around, he offered a hand to Isabela who stepped out looking as though she were born in heels and wearing a sequined, form hugging, black gown with two slits up the sides to the tops of her shapely thighs and a deep v in the front. She was dripping with diamonds, dark hair hanging loose in extra large curls while her expression displayed the opposite of her date’s.

                Varric and Bianca got out next; she in an emerald green, beaded, corseted, princess gown. Tight, red curls were partially and loosely pinned up, and emerald jewelry adorned her statuesque figure. The two beamed at each other, clearly in love and ready to announce it to the other attendees.

                Anders and Douglas were the last to exit the car. Anders started awkwardly brushing and tugging at his tux, looking very nervous compared to everyone else, having never been to this type of thing before. Douglas reached out; calming the fidgeting hands, and when the other man looked up, the action was rewarded with a smile. The blond seemed to calm, giving a happy little lopsided grin.

                Douglas had awkwardly avoided Anders after spilling his guts, and the next time he saw the blond, he was with their friends, much to Douglas’ relief. When he had seen Anders had chosen to wear his shoulder length blond hair down tonight, his heart stopped and his jaw nearly hit the floor. To Douglas, Anders was the most beautiful date he had ever taken to this event, but then again, the blond was the first one he had actually been involved with, the others just being an accessory that knew how to nod and smile prettily.

                Many people stopped to stare at the group as they entered, drool and jealousy clearly displayed. Fenris moved to the shadows to work, and the rest parted ways to mingle before dinner. Douglas flirted and charmed his way through the attendees, expertly deciding through mere expression on how to introduce Anders; coyly introducing him suggestively at those who would approve and to those who wouldn’t seriously as a friend with a free clinic, serving the disadvantaged of Kirkwall and helping to stop the spread of their diseases.

                Douglas caught a glimpse of Fellon’s scar twitching, and he politely excused himself from the couple he was chatting with to make his way over. “Governor Theirin, how do you do?”

                Alistair replied, “Very well, thank you. How are you, Douglas?”

                “I’m doing very well, also, Sir.”

                Isabela looked at Douglas slightly relieved, turning to her man. “Fellon, dear, I think I saw Bridgette waving at us from across the room; let’s go say hello. Please excuse us.” Isabela also knew how to expertly play this high society game, and the men all gave slight bows as the couple left.

                “Mrs. Theirin, every year I say you cannot look more beautiful than you did the last, and every year, I am wrong.”

                “Why, thank you, Douglas. Although, it is starting to become a bit challenging to outdo myself just for you, and I must say you look as handsome as ever, but...” she looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “who is your friend?” Her twinkling blue gaze shifted to the blond standing slightly behind to his right.

                “This is Anders…”

                She cut him off, smiling widely, “I knew that was you, Anders.”

                “Idonea, I was wondering if you were going to remember me.” Anders smiled widely back.

                Douglas raised an eyebrow of his own. “You two know each other?”

                Idonea said, “We all went to college together, but Anders was my lab partner before I changed majors.”

                Alistair added, “Oh, I remember now.”

                They chatted about what they had done since school, and they were very impressed with Anders’ clinic. Douglas asked them about their two sons, and was informed they were doing well although Alistair was still hoping for a Daddy’s little princess. That would have been a shocking admittance at a function such as this to these types of people, but Douglas loved it and laughed, agreeing he could definitely see a tiny little Idonea with her daddy wrapped firmly around a tiny finger. Of all the guests at the party, Alistair and Idonea were always Douglas’ favorite. They were the most important people at the event, but they were the least fake. They unfortunately had to move on, Idonea telling Anders to keep in touch, and they left the couple to be fawned over and bored to death by the other guests.

                Afterward, they talked to several other party guests, a couple in different foreign languages, much to Anders’ further amazement. The clinic was always mentioned even though Douglas knew that while these fake people smiled and nodded, they didn’t give a rat’s ass if it didn’t involve them and how they could make more money.

                Douglas had to head off a couple more near explosions from Fellon. The man was aggressive in nature but completely aggravated by the fakeness of just about everyone in the room, but he mercifully disappeared after about an hour, most likely to drink and God only knew what else with the staff.

                A couple of blonds on the fringe of the crowd had Douglas’ own eye twitching, their police dress uniforms perfect against the glamorous attire of the rest of the attendees. The middle-aged woman with a severe bun and piercing blue eyes also studied the crowd, and he had not escaped her calculated scrutiny either. The gaze wasn’t held for long, the woman turning to excuse herself from her companion.

                Amused, Douglas smirked to himself before making his way over to the now alone man. “I always wondered how you made Chief so quickly, Cullen, but sleeping with Commissioner Stannard?” He tutted, “Now, I would have thought that was beneath you.”

                Green eyes flared at the accusation, but they did not sway the smirk still firmly in place. “A man such as yourself should know slander is an offense punishable by law.”

                “And a man such as yourself should know since I said it to you it is merely an insult.”

                “What do you want, Mr. Hawke?”

                “Oh, nothing. I just thought I would have a word or two with my favorite man of the law.”

                Cullen’s gaze flicked to Anders a moment, who now appeared somewhat uncomfortable, before it returned to Douglas. “Are you setting your sights on me now? Destroying Howe’s career wasn’t enough; you also had to steal his man, too?”

                Rage flared for a second in Douglas’ expression which brought a pleased smirk to Cullen’s own lips at inducing any reaction out of the normally extremely guarded man. Douglas calmed himself, replacing his fake smile before responding, “Believe me, if I ever set my ‘sights’ on you, you would be the last to know.”

                Cullen’s own angry expression went unchecked, but he was called away by the Commissioner. “This time, I will pretend that wasn’t a threat, Mr. Hawke. Good evening.”

                While Douglas watched him go with a distracted frown, Anders stepped closer and chided softly, “Was that necessary?”

                Douglas was still distracted, but answered, “Unfortunately, yes.” Finally, he blinked away his focused squint, turning to his date with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry; we have a few more people to speak with about your clinic before dinner. Shall we?”

                Douglas was able to talk to everyone, having been well practiced from previous years on how much time he could spend chatting before dinner was served and the main festivities of the evening took place. The group mingled for a short time after all the donations and awards were presented to keep up appearances before they tiredly headed home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                They arrived back at the estate shortly before midnight, and Douglas directed Fellon to the office while the rest went to their rooms to get settled for the night. They shut the door behind them, Douglas saying forcefully, “If you can’t keep your temper in check, I will find another date for Isabela for such events.”

                “Promise? It is always such a turn on to think about her with someone else.”

                “Keep it up, and I’ll leave you both at home.”

                “You wouldn’t do that. You need her.”

                “Watch me.” Douglas left the office without a backward glance.

                Douglas went upstairs and indicated from the doorway the location of the things he picked up for Anders, knowing full well the man would be tired and not want to be driven home at such a time. Douglas went back to his room after Anders found everything and cleaned himself up, changing into sleepwear before heading back to check on his guest.

                “Do you need anything else?” Douglas asked, leaning against the door frame.

                “You can come in. I’ll be good; I promise.”

                Douglas chuckled, “Alright,” and entered the room, shutting the door.

                Anders looked him over with a raised eyebrow. “I was half expecting silk or satin, maybe a robe and slippers, monogrammed, of course.”

                Douglas looked down at his navy blue plaid, cotton-flannel bottoms, old college t-shirt and bare feet. “Sorry, I’m not used to entertaining guests at bedtime.”

                “No, I like it. I actually feel more dressed up than you right now.” Anders was basically wearing the same thing except for new, green with plain long sleeve shirt.

                Douglas walked within arms’ length. “Well, I don’t know if I said this, I think I may have been too busy drooling, but you look really good all dressed up.”

                “Earlier or now?”

                Douglas stepped closer, tucking one side of the loose blond hair behind an ear. “Both,” he smirked.

                “Well, don’t tell my boyfriend, but I think my date was the most popular and gorgeous guy there.”

                Douglas’ heart jumped at the reference. “Wait, you have a boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell me?”

                “Because he doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend; I haven’t told him yet. I figured I would get one last prospect in before making a final decision.”

                “So, why him and not your date tonight?”

                “Oh, my date was charming and gorgeous, but my man is smart, funny, sweet, and looks just as hot in a suit as he does a beat up old t-shirt.” Anders fingered the sleeve of said t-shirt with a small grin.

                “And when do you plan on informing this lucky guy?”

                “Oh, I don’t know. I thought I would surprise him. He has this bad habit of running away when it comes to this sort of thing.”

                Douglas smiled, “Maybe he’s shy.”

                Anders cocked an eyebrow, “No, one thing he isn’t, is shy.”

                “Then why do you think he does it?”

                Anders took a step closer. “I think he’s scared.”

                Douglas’ heart was pounding, but he cocked an eyebrow. “Scared?”

                Anders placed a hand on Douglas’ chest above his heart. “Yup, scared.”

                “Of what?”

                “I don’t know, he hasn’t told me, but from what I gather, getting hurt again.”

                “I’d bet you’re right.”

                Anders kissed Douglas softly on the lips, and then, moved a few feet back toward the bed. “So, how did you know I was going to stay the night?”

                “I knew you would feel bad about making anyone drive you all the way into town at this hour if you didn’t have to work.”

                Anders cast a wistful glance at the bed. “I’m afraid if I get in that bed, I’ll never want to leave it.”

                “No rush.”

                “Are you going to join me? It is a very large bed.”

                Douglas’ heart started beating even faster. “I, uh…”

                Anders interrupted him by crawling into the bed and saying, “I already gave my word.” Then he gave a little test bounce, adding, “Wow, this is a nice bed,” and giggled like a kid when he bounced again.

                Douglas’ gaze had been caught by the form crawling across the bed, unable to breathe, but he returned to his senses and laughed, crawling up beside him, having done the same thing when he first climbed into one. They hopped around on their knees like children until Anders lost his balance, catching himself on Douglas who found out Anders was ticklish under his arms when he caught the blond.

                Douglas smiled wickedly and attacked the poor man into a fit of laughter until Anders discovered Douglas was also ticklish which turned it into a rolling around on the bed, neither man having the upper hand, all-out war. Anders’ wiggling fingers moved down the sides of Douglas’ ribs and started moving toward the front of his chest, but Douglas stopped his assault and grabbed Anders’ wrists, pinning them to the bed. Douglas’ expression had turned serious as they looked at each other, breathing heavily, but then he cocked a smile, lying down on his side and dragging Anders into a spooning position. A kiss was placed against the blond’s cheek and an arm around wrapped around the small waist.

                They chatted for over half an hour until Anders nodded off, and after Douglas was certain the other man was asleep, he detangled himself, pulling the covers up around the sleeping blond. He exited the room, making his way to the den downstairs.

                Fellon asked Douglas when he entered, “Did you tire the little woman out already?”

                Varric added, “I must say: I haven’t had anyone laugh so hard at me while I was doing that,” and the two men chuckled.

                Bianca chided, “Leave him alone.”

                Isabela stated, “Douglas and Anders haven’t had sex yet.”

                Douglas sighed, rolling his eyes, “Thanks, Isabela,” flopping down in his chair.

                Fellon said, “Thank God for that. I would hate to have to go teach someone else a lesson.”

                “What part of sleeping with them is teaching them a lesson?”

                “Hey, they didn’t hurt you again, did they?” Douglas narrowed his eyes at the response while Fellon cocked his head to the side, squinting his own blue eyes in thought. “Although, it has been a long time since I had to do that. Did you finally learn how to sleep with someone without falling in love?”

                Isabela answered, “No. Douglas has rules now.”

                Douglas yelled, “Isabela!”

                “What?”

                Fellon asked, “If that’s the case, how long has it been?” He started thinking again and just as he opened his eyes in realization of just how long it had been, Isabela spit out her wine, spraying it all over the side of his face after noticing the fraction of a second when Douglas’ eyes darted across the room before he looked at the floor. Fellon closed his eyes with a frown, “I know you are going to lick that off.”

                Isabela ignored him, speaking to Douglas, “You have to be joking! It can’t be possible to go that long without sex!”

                Fenris was suddenly very interested in a book he picked up from the table beside him until he noticed it was upside down and flipped it around before burying his nose back in it while Douglas remained silent. The others in the room had learned to pick up on the tiniest ticks in body language, and Douglas was unable to look at the floor quick enough without his eyes instinctively answering for him. Douglas mumbled, “Can we just get to work now?”

                Isabela demanded, “No. Go upstairs right now, and you are not allowed to come back down until I hear that man screaming your name.”

                Douglas looked up with a raised eyebrow as Bianca and Varric set to snickering.

                “Pfaugh,” Fellon groaned at the thought while wiping his cheek across Isabela’s arm.

                Douglas continued, “Anyway, Dulci de Launcet mentioned the family going to their country estate.”

                Fenris added, also eager to change the subject, “Apparently there is some sort of shotgun wedding involving their son, Emile,” having ferreted out that piece of information from one of the security guards or drivers.

                Douglas shuddered, “I would imagine that is how they are going to have to get rid of Fifi and Babette, too. Anyway, they’ll be gone all next week.”

                Bianca said with pity, “Fifi told me she liked you, Douglas.”

                Fellon smirked, “Good. Give her a call and see if you can get an invite to the house this week.”

                Once again, Douglas silently cursed Bianca’s filter between her brain and her mouth, squinting and saying to Fellon, “I hate you so much right now.”

                Fellon, still smirking, replied, “I know.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Towels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Very early morning found Douglas in the pool, just like every morning, getting his laps in before the sun rose. He paused, hanging on the edge with his chin rested over crossed arms, having stopped to watch the sun rise and change the color of the sky as it went. This was one of the only times of the day Douglas liked the sun anymore; the other being when it set. While admiring the scene, he heard Anders say behind him, “That was beautiful.”

                Douglas was a bit startled, used to everyone else being asleep at this hour, but he turned with a smile. “I know. I watch it every morning.”

                “The sun is nice, but that wasn’t what I was talking about.”

                “Oh?”

                “I watched you swim for a while. You make it look so effortless and graceful.”

                “What? Like this?” Douglas doggy paddled over toward Anders, splashing more than necessary.

                Anders smirked at him, “You know, somehow I’m not surprised you even managed to make that look good.”

                They laughed, Douglas now hanging off the side of the pool, looking up at a now squatting Anders. “How did you find me without a map?”

                “Isabela told me where you were.”

                “Isabela was up at this hour?”

                “I think still up may have been a better description; she looked really tired. I missed you when I got up, so after I showered and got dressed,” indicating the new outfit provided for him, “I came to find you.”

                “Well, you found me. At this time of the day, this is where I am.”

                “You must have had a lot of practice to swim like that.”

                Douglas laughed, “You could say that, college scholarships and everything.”

                “You went to college?”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m going to pretend that wasn’t an insult,” but laughed again.

                “That’s not what I meant; you just never mentioned it before. What did you study?”

                Douglas smiled cheekily at him. “Linguistics.”

                Anders chuckled, “Again, why am I not surprised?” shaking his head. “So, just out of curiosity, how many languages do you speak?”

                “Fluently or passingly?”

                Anders raised an eyebrow, “Both?”

                “Several and I lost count,” Douglas smiled, “Want to hand me that towel?” pointing it out.

                As Anders went to retrieve it, Douglas hoisted himself out of the pool. When the blond turned back to see Douglas standing there in black square leg briefs and nothing else but water droplets and a smile, he stopped dead in his tracks. Anders, of course, had known that was what he was wearing, but the water had distorted the lithe, swimmer’s build as it moved through the water, and he swallowed so hard there was an audible gulp.

                Douglas cocked an eyebrow, “Towel?”

                “I-uhh… Ummm. Huh?” was Anders’ struck stupid response unable to tear his eyes away from the muscled legs, black swimsuit, and small waist.

                Douglas closed the distance between them, taking the towel and laughing, “Thanks.”

                “Uh- ya. Ummm… no problem.”

                Douglas toweled himself off. As he was drying off his hair, the rippling muscles of his chest caught Anders’ attention, snapping him out of his stupor. “That’s one heck of a scar.”

                Douglas stopped at the reference to the near eight inch marking beneath his left ribs. After looking at Anders seriously for a moment, he smiled roguishly and said, “I got it in a knife fight.”

                Anders smiled back and chuckled slightly. He studied it a bit closer and tilted his head, “You aren’t joking, are you?”

                Douglas laughed, “You know, you are the first person to ever believe that story.”

                “But it’s the truth, isn’t it?” Anders’ amber eyes searched ice blue ones, Douglas searched back for a few moments before nodding a yes. Anders looked back at the scar for another couple of seconds and back up at him, “And it was serious, wasn’t it?”

                Douglas nodded again before walking over to his clothes, pulling a t-shirt and warm up pants on. He looked back at Anders, sadness tingeing his features. “I need to go take a shower.”

 

 

* * *

                Douglas was standing in front of the mirror, wrapped in a towel after his shower, combing his hair for the day when his gaze strayed to the scar on his chest. He set the comb down and leaned into the counter unable to look away from the reflected aged wound.

_“I wonder what those friends of yours would think if they found out you are a mama’s boy.”_

_A thirteen year old Douglas shouted back, “At least I have friends, you super geek.”_

                Douglas’ breathing started to quicken as the memory replayed in his mind, reliving a fight that changed everything for his family.

_He was so tired, and something smelt funny. Even from behind closed eyes, Douglas could tell that wherever he was, it was bright. Douglas was having a difficult time breathing normally and his whole body was stiff like he hadn’t moved in a long time but exhausted at the same time. Douglas forced a peek, squinting into the light and glancing around. His breath quickened only causing him more pain; this looked like a hospital room. Douglas shakily called out from a croaking throat, “Mother?”_

_“Oh, Douglas! My baby boy!” there was a thud when Leandra dropped the book she was reading to the floor and grabbed her son’s hand._

_“Too bright.”_

_“Bethany, darling, turn the light off for Douglas. The doctors just came in to check on you and forgot to turn it off.”_

_There was a click and Douglas could see the room more clearly now, and he opened his eyes a little more, and he glanced around, “Where’s Father?”_

_“He had to go to work, but he should be getting off soon and he’ll come straight here.”_

_Douglas nodded, and kept looking around the room. Bethany was smiling vaguely at him and his lips instinctively twitched one back. He twisted slightly to try and see the rest of the room, causing a sharp pain to shoot through his chest. Douglas eyes opened wider as he started to remember what had happened, his eyes searching every nook and cranny. Panic set in, sending his chest to heaving, pain clearly etching his features._

_“Douglas, baby, you need to calm down.”_

_“Where…?” He looked back at his mother, “Where…,” swallowing down the fear, not sure he wanted to know the answer to the question he was about to ask, he blurted out, “Where is my brother?”_

_Sadness crossed Leandra’s face and she squeezed his hand, patting it reassuringly, “He’s gone, Douglas…”_

 

                Douglas blinked a few times at his reflection before wiping away a couple of unshed tears with the back of his hand. He pressed away from the counter, giving his hair one last look over before he left the bathroom. He walked into his bedroom mentally going over what he had to do that day, trying to decide what he needed to wear.

                “Darn, I missed it.”

                “Anders!” The blond was leaning against the bed and had startled him again, and Douglas wondered how he had gotten into his room. He was fairly certain he had locked the door like always, although he had been pretty distracted when he had gotten in here, maybe he had accidentally forgotten this time or hadn’t closed it completely. “Missed what?”

                “You half-naked and wet again.”

                Douglas laughed nervously, “Liked that did you? Shall I go back and take another shower?”

                Anders walked toward him, shaking his head no, “You probably have a window in there to hop out of, and you’ll run away again.”

                “Ah, yes. I can see it now; me tearing through the yard with not but my towel, and Loki thinking it is some sort of game, ripping the flapping fabric from me,” Douglas chuckled still as he grew more nervous while Anders advanced and ended up backing himself against the wall.

                Anders stopped mere inches from him. “You do realize you have just implanted a vision of yourself naked in my head.”

                Douglas gave a lopsided grin. “I do now.”

                “So, are you going to tell me now why you keep running away?”

                “Good cardio?”

                “So is what you are running from.”

                Douglas chuckled again, “Touché.” Fingertips lightly brushed the inside of his thigh, having stealthily worked its way past the towel, and Douglas jumped like he had been electrocuted.

                Anders raised an eyebrow, ceasing the movement of his hand. “You have been with a man before, haven’t you?”

                Douglas swallowed, croaking out a, “Yes.”

                The fingers started brushing across him again, a husky whisper asking, “And did you like it?”

                Douglas was barely able to force out his answer this time, “Yes.”

                “That’s good.” The hand inched higher with amber eyes looking directly into his again. “Oh, and I love you, too.”

                Douglas’ mouth fell open, and Anders took the opportunity to kiss him, a short, sweet kiss before breaking away and looking at him again, the hand inching higher. Douglas’ mouth moved a few times, finally able to squeak, “What changed since yesterday?”

                “Besides seeing you practically naked and wet? Nothing. You didn’t exactly give me a chance to respond.”

                “So, why didn’t you tell me last night?”

                “I promised to be good, and I didn’t want to break my word.” Douglas sucked in air when the hand brushed along his length, causing hips to buck out away from the wall. Anders smiled, “But I gave no such promise today.”

                Douglas swallowed in response to Anders’ words before the hand wrapped around him and he gasped, his eyes rolling back. The hand moved slowly up and down, Anders’ lips moving to the side of Douglas’ neck. Douglas was rapidly approaching the edge after just a couple of minutes, and called out a “Wait!” Anders looked at him, wondering what the problem was this time, his displeasure clearly displayed. Douglas swallowed and looked embarrassingly away, clearing his throat before barely muttering, “I haven’t had sex with anyone since I was a junior in college.”

                Anders looked at him in surprise, probably trying to figure out if he was serious, that being over ten years ago. “Sounds like you are overdue for a refresher course,” he said but removed his hand from underneath the towel. “Is there a reason?”

                Douglas looked back at him, “There was no one worth getting my heart broken again.”

                “And now?”

                “There is.”

                “Alright then,” Anders reached up, touching Douglas’ cheek and smiled, “So, we’ll just wait until you’re ready.” He gave a soft kiss before turning to go.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worth the Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                Douglas had heard all he needed to and took a step away from the wall. Grabbing Anders’ arm, Douglas pulled the blond back to his chest. Cradling the back of the blond head in his hand with other arm wrapped tightly around the waist, he whispered, “Don’t go,” before kissing him passionately.

                They kissed for several minutes before Anders broke away, saying, “I’ll stay if you promise to stop running from me.”

                “I promise. I love you, Anders.”

                “I love you, too,” With a light tug from Anders, the towel dropped to the floor. Douglas looked at him a bit wide eyed, but Anders just smiled and pecked him on the lips. A finger ran up and down the shaft lightly before once again, taking a light hold and pumping very slowly. Douglas couldn’t suppress the groan that escaped him nor did he want to, finally able to express exactly how this man affected him.

                After eleven years, suddenly there were way too many clothes involved in this embrace, Douglas’ hands shaking from excitement and terror lowered to pull off the long sleeved green shirt Anders was wearing. His thoughts nagged him, _’ you do this and he’ll leave you, they always do’_ , but his rational side knew if he didn’t, he would eventually get left anyway, and he wanted to, so badly he wanted to. He slid his hands underneath the bottom hem, hooking his thumbs on the outside and started dragging the shirt up, slowly revealing the lightly muscled chest he had fantasized about since the first night he touched it. Anders released him, so the shirt could join the discarded towel. Douglas pulled out the rubber band while he was at it, the still semi-damp blond hair falling free. He pulled the bare chest against his, hands sliding against bare backs, and lips pressed together in a slow kiss that quickly turned more hungry at the realization they were actually doing this.

                Douglas gathered his courage further still and moved a hand lower, brushing the other man’s erection through his jeans, but was stopped when he went to release the confined member. Anders shook his head, whispering, “Not yet.”

                Douglas looked at him confused, but Anders smiled back reassuringly and led him to the bed, indicating he wanted Douglas to sit down on it. He did as he was directed and Anders knelt in front of him, taking the shaft in front of him in hand and lowering his lips over the tip, running his tongue in a circle around it. Douglas moaned as the mouth continued to move across him, slicking the hand below it and moving in tandem until he was no longer in control of his breathing or the noises escaping him. Release rapidly approached, embarrassingly quick. “Anders, stop.”

                He didn’t want to be done, the blond still had clothes on for pity’s sake, and he wrapped his hand in blond hair trying to get the head to cease its movement, but was ignored. “I’m gonna…” but it was too late and he cried out as he came overwhelmingly, Anders having moved away at the last moment. Wave after wave over took him, and the arm used to prop himself up gave out as he light-headedly fell backward to the bed, trying to catch his breath.

                Seconds felt like forever, but it was finally over. He glanced down at Anders who was looking back at him with a smile. Douglas frowned back disappointedly, patting the bed beside him. Anders got up, grabbing the towel from the floor and cleaning the two of them up. He crawled up on the bed and lay down, but Douglas grabbed him pulling the blond on top of him, still clearly feeling Anders straining against him. “Why didn’t you stop?”

                “After your confession, I think we both knew it wouldn’t take much the first time; better that than more frustration. Now, we’ll just wait until you are ready again.”

                Douglas frowned, “You have waited long enough.”

                “It’s alright,” Anders smiled.

                “No, now.”

                Anders raised an eyebrow, “You aren’t ready yet.”

                Douglas ran his hand across Anders’ erection. “You are.”

                Anders looked at him, Douglas arching a brow back and realization dawned in the amber eyes, “Wait. You want me… to you?”

                “You don’t want to?” Anders looked a bit conflicted, and Douglas asked, “Or do you not like doing that?”

                Anders looked down to the navy bedspread. “I don’t know. No one ever let me.”

                “Let you?”

                Shoulders shrugged slightly. “I asked, but was ignored. I guess I’m just use to being ‘the girl’ when I’m in a relationship with a man.”

                Douglas lifted his chin, “If I wanted to be with a girl, I would be with one. I want a man, and I hope that is what you want, too.” Anders looked at him a few moments before smiling and nodding. “So, what does my man want to do?” Douglas rubbed the denim again, “Finally claim what is his or continue to wait?”

                Anders leaned in, kissing Douglas intensely for several minutes, then broke away and crawled back off the bed, standing up and pulling a bottle from his pocket. He tossed it on the bed before reaching out for Douglas’ hand who took it but couldn’t help but look at what was tossed beside him. He had to laugh, “Prepared were you?” a bottle of lubricant and condoms lay next to him.

                “I was hoping I would catch you one day, and I definitely didn’t want you to have another excuse to get away.”

                Douglas stood up next to him, brushing his lips against Anders’ jaw and whispering in his ear, “Well, you caught me, so now what?”

                Wordlessly the blond head tilted to the side, presenting a beautiful neck to eager lips. Douglas hummed his delight at the bared flesh, tracing his tongue lightly with small flourishes from collarbone to jaw, before delving in with teeth, Anders’ fingers pressing into his back and moaning. Douglas’ arms held him firmly against his chest as teeth bit down almost roughly, sending his man gasping for breath and throwing his head back for more.

                Reaching between them, the pants were finally banished unhindered to the floor, followed quickly by boxer briefs. Douglas desperately fought the urge to stop what he was doing and look, continuing to work on the neck just how Anders liked it. Fingers slowly dragged up his back followed by slight pressure to his shoulders, directing him, and Douglas nipped and licked his way down Anders’ body as he slowly went to his knees.

                Nervously Douglas licked his lips, this was new for them. He knew what to do at Anders’ neck, but now, he was somewhat afraid to mess this up. He tried to control the slight trembling in his hand as he reached out to touch the naked shaft for the first time, wrapping his hand lightly against it. A hand covered his, applying more pressure, wrapping Douglas’ hand a bit tighter around, then moving to his chin and tilting it up. Amber eyes full of understanding looked down at him with a smile, and Douglas smiled back.

                When lips parted and slid over the waiting shaft, the eyes closed, and the faint sigh that escaped Anders’ lips was the sweetest thing Douglas had ever heard. He took in as much of the thick member as he could, running his tongue along and around before retreating, sliding his hand up with his mouth and repeating, caressing more sighs from the sweet lips. Sighs turned to moans as the movements increased in speed, Douglas unable to look away from Anders’ face, the amber eyes opening occasionally glazed with desire. Several minutes had passed when a hand reached down touching his cheek, “Stop, love.”

                Douglas’ heart slammed in his chest at the pet name and withdrew looking at the floor; that was what his father had called his mother. He swallowed down the painful memory and took this opportunity to look over the man standing in front of him, starting at the waist in front of him before moving down. That’s when Douglas noticed Anders’ right leg was covered in scars. Douglas’ parents were instantly forgotten as he studied the leg, it looked like it had been ripped up or… mauled. Douglas instantly remembered Anders’ reaction to his dog, and he looked over the rest of his body, noticing more bite scars with another angry scar on his right forearm. This had to be why Anders always wore pants and long sleeves. Douglas looked up to the amber eyes obviously now reliving their own painful memories, and Douglas hopped to his feet, pulling Anders to him and crushing his lips against the blond’s, trying to banish the thoughts. It took a few seconds, but Anders started responding, and Douglas kissed him breathless, running his hands across the gorgeous pale skin.

                Grabbing a hand, he walked Anders back to the bed. Pulling the blond up with him, he fumbled for the bottle Anders provided, handing it to him with a smile. Anders studied his face, trying to make sure he was serious about allowing him to do this, and Douglas just continued to smile at him, easing both their nerves. Sweet lips brushed across his before moving on to cover his body in light kisses. Legs were put in a bent up position, and there was a popping sound as the lid opened on the lubricant, a hand ran soothingly up and down his thigh. Fingers lightly rubbed at his entrance before one started to ease its way in. It stung slightly, but the well lubed finger moved slowly until he adjusted to it, and a second finger was added. That stung a lot more with Douglas visibly wincing. Anders cooed at him, “Relax. I won’t be able to do this if I think I am hurting you.”

                Douglas nodded, and took a deep breath, trying to do just that. The pain eventually subsided, Anders taking very special care to prepare him properly. The fingers were removed, and Douglas watched as Anders prepared himself very liberally, every speck of him glistening. Douglas’ heart was pounding, and Anders looked a bit nervous himself. Douglas chuckled, “Look at us, acting like a couple of teenage virgins,” and reached a hand out to his partner.

                Anders smiled and accepted the offered hand, positioning himself between Douglas’ legs and leaning in for a loving kiss. Douglas took a couple of relaxing breaths and nodded at Anders slightly, and the blond started pressing forward unhurriedly. Douglas fought the urge to retreat, Anders had tried to ready him, and he clutched the bed instead. Light nips and nibbles to his neck and collarbone distracted him, and once Anders had worked himself in fully, he stopped, looking into Douglas’ eyes. “I love you,” and not expecting an answer, kissed him deeply.

                Douglas’ body adjusted to a mild sting, and he wrapped his arms around the man on top of him, and Anders moved very slowly, making love to his man. They moved together for a long time, sighing and gasping in pleasure, and Douglas realized this was the first time he had ever made love to anyone. Fear crept in, wondering if he was just imagining this connection between the two of them, it wouldn’t be the first time he imagined someone else’s feelings.

                Douglas’ expression must have changed, because Anders paused and asked, “What’s wrong?” The answer a vigorous head shake and a smile. Amber eyes studied him a minute before a hand clasped his and brought it to Anders’ heart, a smile played across the sweet lips, “Don’t worry, I feel it, too.”

                Tears swam in Douglas’ eyes, and he laughed at himself. He had learned a long time ago how to turn them off and use them to his advantage, but with Anders, he couldn’t control them or any of his emotions for that matter. This one man undid everything Douglas had spent a lifetime mastering, saw the true him and loved him anyway. He pulled Anders into another kiss and they resumed their gentle movements.

                Anders pulled back looking at him and pressing himself up he pushed Douglas’ knees forward toward his chest, rolling his hips up. Concentration furrowed the blond’s features as he continued sliding in and out and readjusting himself. When Douglas let out a sharp gasp with his head and eyes rolling back, the look changed to triumph. Anders continued slowly at first, listening and watching his lover gasp and sigh beneath him before gradually increasing the speed of his thrusting, the noises turning to moans. Anders started moaning back as Douglas’ muscles gripped around him. As he got close he reached out for the now ready again Douglas, pumping him in time with his moments. They watched each other, Douglas climaxing first followed quickly by Anders, throwing himself forward deeply.

                Anders collapsed next to Douglas with a large smile. Looking at each other and trying to catch their breath, Anders finally said, “Well, I hope it was worth the wait.”

                “No, it was terrible,” Douglas said, smiling at him, joking at his lover and pulling him close. He added, “We definitely need a lot more practice,” and gave him a kiss.

                They cuddled and kissed for a long time until there was a knock on the door, “Sir?” It was Bodahn.

                “Yes?”

                “I was just wondering if you wanted me to have the car pulled around. I hadn’t seen you this morning, and it is almost time for church.”

                Douglas looked at the clock and made a whoops face at Anders who tried not to laugh. “Uhh, no. Something came up, and I am going to be busy all day.” He smiled cheekily at Anders.

                “Alright, Sir.”

                They listened to the footsteps walk away before Anders said, “That was awful.  I very nearly booed.”

                “I’m sorry my joke disappointed. I suppose I’ll just have to find another way to please you.”

                Anders smirked, “How do you intend to do that?”

                Douglas rubbed himself against Anders’ leg, showing he was ready again. “By making good on the joke.” He gave Anders another kiss.

                After soft kisses once again became heavy petting, Anders pushed himself up on his hands and knees. Douglas found the bottle and another condom, moving behind him. He prepared his lover and himself and with a gentle hold on Anders’ hips, he eased himself in with a groan and the blond moaning. Douglas was very suddenly glad he had forgotten what this felt like, if it had ever felt this good, he would have never been able to hold out for as long as he had and probably would have ended up with someone else. This man was worth waiting for. Lightly running a hand across the pale back, he slid in and out. When hips started thrusting back to meet his, he let out a gasp, very happy this was his third go for the day, because looking down and watching himself entering Anders, and the faces the blond was making as he did it, were fanning the flames quickly.

                “Faster,” Anders gently commanded, and Douglas groaned in pleasure as his hands more firmly gripped hips and complied with his lover. The firm backside was still pressing back in rhythm with the pace Douglas set, back arching into his hips. Anders wiggled around until he let out a gasp, muscles gripping around Douglas who answered with a loud groan. Several gasps and groans later another command was issued over a milky shoulder through a gasp, “Faster, Douglas.”

                The order was once again obeyed, both moaning in pure enjoyment of the feel of their lover. Douglas could barely breathe, he was getting close again the tight heat around him felt so good. “Now. Do it now,” Anders cried out.

                Douglas let go of one side of Anders’ hips, reaching around and moving his hand across his man’s shaft. Anders screamed out his orgasm, calling out Douglas’ name, and Douglas followed him with a loud groan. The blond’s arms gave out from under him and he fell forward but neither moved any further, both sweaty and trying to catch their breath.

                Shortly after there was a pounding on the door, Isabela laughed out from the other side, “Was that what I think it was?”

                Douglas groaned, still somewhat out of breath, “Go away, Isabela.”

                She laughed as she left them alone again. Douglas removed himself and they collapsed next to each other. They intertwined within each other limbs, Anders’ cheek against his chest, Douglas’ chin resting on the top of his head and they fell back asleep in exhaustion.

                After they woke up, they made love again before taking a shower and going to the kitchen for something to eat. Douglas coaxed him back upstairs for one more go at each other before taking Anders home since he had to get up early enough without a drive into town being added to it. Douglas reluctantly left the smiling man there, going back home to an empty bed where the smell of Anders still clung to his sheets. He fell asleep, smiling to himself and thinking of his boyfriend.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phone War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                A bliss-filled month had passed, and Douglas couldn’t have been happier nor had he ever been. Lunch and dinner, he sat across from his beautiful blond doctor as much as work allowed them, but weekends were devoted fully to one another. Days were spent within the confines of the other’s embrace at the estate or whatever else they felt like doing, while nights were finished at the club. They could not be separated from the time Douglas picked Anders up Friday night until he was reluctantly left back on his doorstep Sunday evening. Douglas was starting to loathe Sundays, today being only Tuesday as it were. He had a couple hours before he needed to head into town to meet his man for lunch, the thought put a slight spring in his step at as he headed to the estate’s office.

                Glancing at the opposite side of the room as he entered, he rolled his eyes. Not because of Fellon’s presence, that was expected, but its constant sense of disarray. Once, one of the maids had cleaned the mess up and Fellon promptly fired her, claiming he was unable to find anything. Douglas had rehired her the next day, explaining it was easier to make sure it didn’t happen again by having someone who had learned their lesson than by going through the hassle of another screening process. Fellon had made a face, but relented. Douglas was honestly surprised he hadn’t had to come dig the man out from under a pile of debris yet.

                He did have to contain his laughter every time he saw Fellon with his anti-glare reading glasses perched on the end of his crooked nose, though. Douglas shook his head, sitting in his chair on the side of the office belonging to him with his back to it all. He placed his laptop down, perfectly parallel to the edge of the desk before adjusting the stapler back to its proper spot about an inch over; Fellon must have used it but at least he put it back this time.

                Douglas was doing some research on a possible hire for the club when his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before answering it happily, “Hello, love.”

                “What the fuck did you just call me?”

                Douglas’ brows furrowed together in confusion, pulling the phone away from his ear and looking at the screen again, the name Anders and phone number clearly displayed. Returning the phone to his ear, he demanded, “Who is this?”

                “You should really watch where you leave your phone number lying around.”

                Douglas recognized the gravelly voice this time, Nathaniel. “What do you want?”

                “You got him to fall in love and sleep with you; I want you to move on to breaking his heart. Stop dragging this out.”

                Douglas smirked to himself, “Why would I do that? I’m sure you fully realize what I would be giving up and most likely send running straight back to you. No, I think we both know as long as he is with me, he’s all mine which clearly quite disturbs you.”

                “You heartless bitch…”

                “What? You don’t enjoy the image of his naked, gorgeous ass trembling and screaming in ecstasy in my bed? I’m quite enjoying the thought myself right now; maybe I’ll pop over for a quickie.”

                Douglas held the phone away from his ear trying not to chuckle as Nathaniel started to scream in rage, “You sadistic bastard! You aren’t always going to have friends with you and one day I will get you!”

                Once the shouting had slowed, Douglas replied, “Now, see, I’m confused. I thought you had heard I was already taken.”

                “I’ll kill you if that’s what it takes to get you away from Anders.”

                Douglas heard Fellon’s chair shifting from his side of the room, but he couldn’t stop needling the man on the other side of the phone, “Haven’t you already tried that before?”

                “If I had tried, I would have succeeded!”

                “Oh, then I apologize for suggesting you aren’t man enough to actually accomplish your threats. I meant to make that point quite clear.”

                “I could definitely handle one little bitch like you. It’s you who is always hiding behind someone else like a coward.”

                Fellon’s chair went scraping across the floor and crashing against a wall when he had quickly jumped up. Fellon stalked across the room, snatching the phone from Douglas’ hand. “I don’t know who the fuck this is, and I don’t give a damn. Keep making threats, and you’ll end up eating all your meals through a fucking straw.” Without waiting for a reply, Fellon angrily ended the call with a growl, leveling his glare on Douglas. “What… the… FUCK was that?!”

                “Nothing, wrong number.”

                Fellon raised one brow toward his hairline. “Bullshit.”

                Douglas presented his palm for the return of his phone. “A prank call?”

                “…Do I really leave all the smooth talking to you? You couldn’t lie your way out of a paper bag…” Fellon ignored Douglas’ outstretched hand, tapping the lifted phone’s screen. Douglas jumped up, trying to snatch it back. “In a second, Dougie,” Fellon murmured, turning away before the phone could be grabbed and running a finger over the touch screen to pull up the desired information. “The only numbers I should be seeing on the phone are the gang, the club, and me. Why the hell does this say…” He glanced back at the phone, making a vaguely disgusted face at his findings. “Anders with exclamation marks and little hearts? Really?”

                “There aren’t any exclamation points… Give that back!”

                “The hearts are enough. What the hell do you even know about this guy?”

                “That he loves me. That’s all I need to know.”

                Fellon blinked a few times in disbelief. “…You haven’t checked his background at all, have you? Damn it, Douglas, you know better than that!”

                “I meant to… I just… forgot. Besides, I know him well enough now, and I highly doubt I would have found anything, anyway,” He didn't want to admit he had quickly gotten scared he would actually find something that would require him to stop seeing Anders. If the blond was Coterie, well, at least Douglas would die happy.

                “Doubt is for chumps, Dougie. Sonofa… you do a background check of any skirt or suit that so much as winks in your direction. But this guy shakes his ass, and you can barely remember to tie your shoes… Ridiculous. He isn’t even supposed to have this number.” Fellon tossed the phone back roughly.

                Douglas caught the phone against his chest with a thump and a displeased frown. “I wanted him to be able to contact me.”

                “So, you go get yourself a new phone he can call. You don’t give out that number.”

                “And carry two cellphones? Who would do that?” Fellon started pulling phones from his pockets. Douglas raised an eyebrow, shaking his head, “Well, it’s too late now.”

                “I agree, because even I know that wasn’t Anders on the other end of that call. Who the fuck was it?”

                “A jealous ex.”

                “Well, obviously not one of yours.”

                “Obviously.”

                Fellon pinned Douglas with a look before shaking his head and moving across the room to collect his wayward chair. “From the looks of things, I guess I should be glad you at least got his name.” He gave a heavy sigh, repositioning himself at his work desk. “Do you know anything else about the man besides his first name?”

                Douglas rolled his eyes. “Of course.” He proceed to relay the last name and limited history he did gather over the last few months, securing his phone back into his pocket and reclaiming his own chair.

                “Thank God you weren’t struck completely stupid,” Fellon mumbled, having gone back to typing away at his computer, presumably resuming his work. “I was concerned.”

                Douglas huffed slightly, “Concerned? About me? I should be flattered.”

                The corner of Fellon’s eye twitched ever so slightly before he typed a few more strings of keystrokes on his computer. “Of course I am concerned. Bela would skin me alive if I let something happen to you.”

                “Ahhh. That makes sense, I guess.” Douglas turned back around to his own computer.

                Fellon’s eyes flicked toward the other man, regarding him in silence for a moment before pushing away from his computer. He carefully set his glasses aside, pinching the bridge of his nose briefly. “Right. Speaking of Bela, care to keep her entertained tonight? I’ve got some… things to take care of.”

                Douglas glanced at Fellon a moment before returning his gaze to his computer. “Sure.”

                Fellon sighed almost inaudibly, shutting his computer down and standing, absently rubbing at the back of his head. “Thanks. I’ll let her know. She’s been itching to spend some real quality time with you for days.” Fellon gave a faint smirk. “You’d think she hadn’t seen you for years…”

                Douglas frowned slightly; he had been so wrapped up in his own life the last month he hadn’t given much thought to anyone else aside from Anders. “Sorry about that. Having a regular meal partner upset the balance of things slightly.”

                Fellon gave a faint upturn of one corner of his mouth, which generally equated to a full smile. “Don’t apologize to me, Dougie. I’m not the one wanting to go shoe shopping, or … or whatever…” Fellon shook his head, not really wanting to know what Douglas and Isabela did in their time together.

                Douglas considered this for a moment. “Good, I needed to go shopping anyway without Anders.”

                Fellon gave another head shake before heading for the door, one hand absently rubbing across the back of his head and neck. “Whatever does it for you. I’m outta here. Take care of Bela.” Without another word, he disappeared out the office door.

                Douglas frowned deeply at the empty doorway before shutting down his own computer. He leaned back in his chair, and a short time later, the rumble of Fellon’s big motorcycle roared away from the house. Lost in thoughts for a long while, Douglas finally snapped out of it and called Isabela, setting up their date for after lunch. He collected the things he needed for the day and with one last parting look at the disheveled empty desk, Douglas headed for his own car.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.

                That Friday, Anders chuckled, already holding his small bag for the weekend and looking over Douglas from his doorway. Somehow the other man seemed more dressed up than his standard, even though Anders couldn’t place a finger on it. “Is this dressed up enough?” he asked of his own attire, khakis and a dark green button-down.

                Douglas looked at him with a smile. “You’re perfect.”

                Anders blushed slightly as lips brushed across his faintly heated cheek, and the bag was collected from him. “What is this about, anyway?”

                Douglas just smiled widely. “You’ll see.”

                Anders shook his head, grabbing the back of Douglas’ neck and pulling him in for a kiss as he started to move away. After, Anders chuckled, “Good thing I am a sucker for surprises.” Taking the offered hand, they walked to the waiting car. “You’re not driving tonight?”

                “No.” Douglas said simply before ushering his lover into the opened door.

                “Oh.” Anders was proud to have only sounded mildly disappointed; he really enjoyed their private drives.

                Douglas smiled, snuggling close in the backseat after depositing the bag in the trunk. “Do not worry, love. I have no plans for tomorrow if you wish to go for a drive before heading to the club.” A hand slid between slim thighs, “But we already have all the privacy required here if there was something else on your mind.”

                Anders smirked at having been so easily read. “I don’t know. When you drive things are typically one sided…”

                “Are you trying to pose yet another test of my driving abilities?”

                Anders shook his head in denial. “I must say though, it was a first for someone to actually speed up.”

                Douglas nuzzled his neck, “Mmm, the two things that make my heart race the most combined into one. I’m surprised I didn’t die instantly; I have a weak heart, you know.”

                The burst of laughter that followed that statement took them both by surprise. Douglas pulled away with a bemused smirk on his face, and Anders quickly tried to contain his mirth. “I am sorry, love, but that had to be one of the funniest things I had heard in my life. You? A weak heart?”

                Douglas was still smirking himself. “Well, that’s what the doctors said.”

                Anders gave a lopsided grin. “What do doctors know?”

                Douglas’ smile spread, “That’s what I said.” He pulled Anders into him this time, placing a kiss against his forehead and idly passing the car ride with light cuddles and chatter about the ending of their workdays.

                The car stopped before Anders realized where they were. He looked around, and then he looked back at Douglas. “I can’t eat here.”

                Douglas looked concerned at the response, “Why not, love? I thought you said you wished to.”

                Anders looked back at the fancy French restaurant, the best one in the city and shook his head again. “I am not dressed for it,” leaving out the fact he never would be able to afford to be.

                Douglas’ expression softened, “You look fine. Don’t worry about it.”

                “Fine will not do here. People will stare,” Anders said forcefully.

                Douglas shook his head, “No, they won’t.”

                “But…”

                “Trust me.” Douglas placed a gentle hand on his cheek, “Please?”

                Anders regarded him a few moments, looking as if he wished to object further, but instead said, “Alright.”

                Douglas exited the car, giving Anders a little tug so he would follow, and he didn’t let go of the blond’s hand as they entered the building. Anders looked very uncomfortable, but Douglas outwardly ignored it, only running his thumb soothingly across the back of the doctor’s hand.

                The maitre d’ gave a genuine smile at his newest guests, and if he was offended at all by Anders’ attire, he did not show it. Fact being, the blond could have shown up in a burlap sack, and no one would have flinched in the slightest, not with Douglas at his side. “Monsieur Hawke, what a pleasure to see you again. I was so pleased to see you name on the list for this evening.”

                “The pleasure is mine, as always.”

                The other man beamed, “May I ask of your friend? I do not recall meeting him before.” Douglas turned to his man proudly, introducing the two. Anders was still slightly awkward, but he was starting to relax and the apparent genuine acceptance of his attire. Once the pleasantries were over, the maitre d’ said, “Allow me to show you to your table.”

                The tables were not like that of a normal restaurant, all bunched together to cram as many people as the building could handle, but these were more spread apart to allow for privacy. They were shown to the back, away from the other guests and presented with their menus. The staff were gushing over one of their best customers, but they knew enough to stay away for the most part.

                Anders looked over the menu, but his eyebrow rose due to the fact it was all in French. “Am I supposed to read this?”

                Douglas smiled. “They do not except it, no.”

                Anders’ brow furrowed at the written words, “But yet they gave it to me anyway.”

                “Should they naturally assume you could not?” Douglas raised an eyebrow of his own.

                Anders’ eyes darted across the table, a quick, agitated retort on his tongue, but he swallowed it back down with a sigh. “I suppose not.”

                Douglas gave another reassuring smile before looking back at his menu. While he was studying it, he heard muttering from across the table. He looked up to see Anders deep in concentration, trying to pronounce the words of the menu, and doing surprisingly well if not brokenly. As the doctor grew more frustrated, his accent kicked in, and Douglas tried not to melt at how adorable it all was.

                Anders finally looked up, dropping his menu to the table in defeat and catching Douglas watching him. “I guess you’ll just have to order for me.”

                Douglas frowned slightly. “Do you wish to leave, love? I did not want to make you uncomfortable.”

                Anders blinked, Douglas was clearly pained by the reactions he was getting, and the blond’s shoulders slumped slightly. “No. I just wished you would have gave me a little more warning before bringing me to a place like this.”

                Douglas discarded his own menu. “I’m sorry. I wanted to do something special for us, and I thought of this.”

                Anders relaxed back into a smile. “You are always doing something special for us.”

                Douglas looked at him a second before shaking his head, “That is different.” He looked down at the table. “We’ve been officially together a month, and I just wanted to celebrate that fact.”

                Anders was surprised. “You wanted to celebrate being a couple after a month?”

                Douglas slumped himself, “It’s stupid, isn’t it?”

                An appropriate response did not present itself immediately, but when it did it was breathy and flattered, “No. I think it is amazing you wish to celebrate what most people take for granted.”

                Douglas drew small circles on the table with a manicured nail, still not looking up. “It’s just… a big deal for me, is all. After being alone for so long, being with you is like a celebration for me every day; I just wanted you to feel the same.”

                Anders reached out and grabbed the fidgeting hand. “I can’t help but feel the same. No one has ever treated me like you do.”

                Blue eyes finally looked up, and Douglas shook his head. “How can anyone help treating you anything but special?”

                Amber eyes shone brightly before Anders lunged forward, giving Douglas an unexpected kiss. The partner on the receiving end was startled at first but eagerly returned the sign of affection. When the blond reclaimed his seat, Douglas chuckled, “Get over the idea of people staring, did you?”

                “Let them stare. They should all be jealous at how happy we are.”

                Douglas smirked, “What if they are just as happy?”

                Anders shook his head with a smirk of his own, speaking in French himself, “Impossible.”

                Douglas smiled, “Look at you. In here for 15 minutes, and speaking the language already.”

                “I may have retained a word or two from high school; not that that one was hard to remember.”

                Douglas chuckled, giving the hand still in his a squeeze. They discussed what they felt like eating before a waiter was summoned and while they waited for their food, Douglas started shifting around nervously again.

                Anders looked at him amused but slightly afraid of the answer to the question he was about to ask, “What is it?”

                “I, uhh… Got you something.”

                “Okay.” Anders responded with a bit of trepidation.

                “I wasn’t sure I should. I wanted to, but then I thought it would be silly if I did, and…”

                Anders chuckled, cutting off the rambling, “What is it?”

                Douglas dug around in an inner pocket, digging out a flat, gift wrapped package and placed it on the table in front of Anders.

                The blond looked at it, wondering what it could be; it was about the size of a wallet or maybe a bracelet box, a watch? “Can I open it now?”

                “Of course.”

                Anders let go of Douglas’ hand finally to open his gift, surprised to find a smart phone looking back at him nestled within the lining tissue paper. “You got me a phone?”

                “Well, I had a minor issue with mine, and when I went to replace it, I thought maybe I should get you one, too. I saw that one you were carrying around, and if it wasn’t on its last legs, it was about to be.” Douglas shrugged, “Plus your bill had to have gone up with as much as we communicate when we can’t be together.”

                Anders didn’t acknowledge the truth in the last statement. “I can’t accept this.  It is too much.”

                “Why is it too much?”

                “I know how much this thing costs plus a plan to go with it.” Anders shook his head, not wanting to admit he had longed for this very model, but couldn’t afford it. Not that Douglas would have known that, he just had good taste.

                “It is a gift; what does the cost matter?” He dug out his own phone. “And I bought myself the same thing, why do you deserve any less?”

                “It just… can’t. Alright?”

                “It is just a gift. I don’t understand why you can’t.”

                “Because I can’t buy it myself. It feels like charity.” Anders was slightly disgruntled at what seemed like a foreign concept to the other man, and it was expressed in his tone.

                Douglas swallowed before he collected the phones, placing them back in his pockets. “Oh. I apologize. I didn’t think about it that way. I just thought our phones needed replacing, and what better way to be able to continue to talk to you without having to worry about bills.” Why didn’t he think about it that way? Had he become so used to money himself that he forgot what it was like not to have it? Or was it because when he didn’t, no one was rushing out to buy him anything fancy to know how he would feel about it.

                Anders groaned miserably, “Oh God, don’t look like that.”

                Douglas looked up, a bit startled. “Like what?”

                “All crushed.”

                Douglas checked himself. “Again, I apologize.”

                Anders was slightly disturbed at how quickly the hurt expression vanished, not sure what he disliked more, Douglas sad or seemingly emotionless besides distant and charming. He grabbed up his wine glass, taking a long draw from it and trying to figure out how to get past this current mess.

                Anders wasn’t the only one wracking his brain for something to say. The food was brought during the awkward silence, but Douglas was having a hard time choking down what was as normal, delightful food. He set aside his fork, “Look. I didn’t think about cost when I bought the phone, it was nonissue. The only money I considered was how much I want to talk to you as compared to the actual ability to. I want to be that sappy couple who falls asleep with their phones to their ears and not have to worry about the minutes, because it would make my bed feel so much less empty than having to hang up and go to sleep alone. I know it’s only 5 nights and probably only hours since I had seen you last…” Douglas groaned, picking up his fork and shoving at his food. “I’m not helping. Now, I just sound like a creepy idiot.”

                Anders had paused to look at the other man when asked even though Douglas was not looking back but at his plate. The frown had returned, much to Anders’ great relief, suddenly realizing he liked it much better than not. “It’s not creepy to miss the man you love. I miss you, too. And you are in no way, shape or form an idiot.” Anders sighed. “Maybe I responded too quickly to the gift. Just like money’s a nonissue for you, it’s always an issue for me. Truth is, I wanted that phone, but I couldn’t afford it, and sometimes I resent that fact. Most days, I’m okay with it, but occasionally you have a bad day, and then you see something you wish you could have and then wonder why you don’t.”

                “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I should have asked first.”

                “But I do need to explain it. You tried to genuinely do something nice, and I threw it back in your face.” Anders looked at his own food, wondering how he could have turned something so perfect into such a wreck. “I see so many bad things at the clinic, and some days you are the only bright spot in it. Those hours from one dinner to the next day’s lunch can seem like an entirety.”

                Douglas smiled slightly, “The days you call on your ‘coffee break’?”

                Anders looked up then, giving a little lopsided grin and a small nod. “And heaven forbid you miss one in a day. I know you are busy sometimes, and I find ways to deal with it but sometimes…”

                “Is everything alright, sir?” their young waiter asked.

                Douglas looked up slightly miffed, but the man was wringing his hands and looking over their nearly untouched plates, apologizing for the interruption but wishing to fix any mistake made on their part. Douglas relaxed, explaining everything was wonderful as always which set off a bright relieved smile on the young man’s face, and they were thanked profusely before the waiter trotted off. “You were saying?”

                Anders shook his head, “It doesn’t matter, really, I was just rambling. It really was a thoughtful gift now that I think about it.”

                Douglas smiled before it twisted into a smirk. “We should get back to eating before the food police come back. They can be worse than my mother sometimes.”

                The small twinge of sadness that crossed Douglas’ features did not go unnoticed, but Anders agreed wordlessly as he smiled back, draining the wine glass in front of him as he noticed the waiter coming back to fill it.

                The rest of the meal passed uneventfully, changing to lighter topics of conversation before they headed back out into the summer night and the waiting car. Anders cleared his throat, asking quietly, “Can we just go back to the estate tonight?”

                Douglas looked at his lover slightly confused, but something was off and he didn’t question the request. “Of course, love.” He relayed the information to the driver and directed the proper phone calls be made for his absence.

                Once in the back seat, Douglas pulled Anders into his lap, just cuddling him there, getting the feeling the other man needed it but that he also didn’t exactly trust the piece of partitioning glass that kept passengers’ business separate from bodyguard and driver’s.

                When again safely behind Douglas’ closed bedroom door, they undressed and did what they had longed to do all week, just be close to one another. The blond was cuddled tight against Douglas’ chest, the embrace somewhat needier than it ever had been, and strong arms couldn’t help but hold him tighter still. “Anders?”

                “Yes?”

                “You know I would never intentionally hurt you, right?”

                “I know.”

                “I may occasionally do something stupid, but I assure you it would never be on purpose. You make me happier than I have been in a very long time, I don’t ever want to screw that up.”

                “You make me very happy, too. I just… overreacted. Next time, we’ll talk first and hopefully avoid the blow up.”

                Douglas kissed the top of the blond hair, “Alright, love.”

                Fingertips lightly ran across the muscled chest below Anders’ cheek, “If it’s not too late, I would like to accept your gift. The thought now that I passed up the chance to do this on some level every night… I don’t think I can bear it.”

                Douglas squeezed him a little tighter. “Of course it isn’t too late.”

                Anders nodded before shifting, rolling over on his back and tugging at Douglas’ arm to indicate he wanted him to follow. Legs spread as Douglas did as directed, and he settled in-between the invitation and set to work to bash all dark thoughts with contented sighs.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fist Fights and Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wadebramwilson (tumblr) for betaing this chapter for me.
> 
>  
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> **  
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> _Quite a bit of Violence in this Chapter._  
> 

                “Just say the magic word, and I’ll take you home and have you moaning in no time.”

                “Douglas…”  Anders groaned.

                “That was it!  Let’s go,” Douglas said in false excitement, grabbing the blond’s hand and giving it a mock tug out of the Hanged Man where they were spending some time on a Friday night as Bethany was home for a small summer vacation. 

                “You promised we’d dance tonight.”

                “I know, but we didn’t even get a quickie this week,” Douglas almost whined.  With the addition of their new phones, they had been able to talk more, but it wasn’t doing anything for Douglas’ libido when they were still technically apart.

                “I am beginning to wonder what exactly I have gotten myself into by having sex with you,” Anders teased, rubbing against Douglas' length with his backside to assure him it was just a joke.

                “Can you blame me?  After eleven years of being a good boy, you corrupted me.  Now every week, all work week long, you sit across from me during meals, looking sexy and I go home to a cold bed.  And at this very moment, the only things stopping me are four thin pieces of fabric which are not helping me out in the slightest against this gorgeous backside having its way with me but completely hindering me from having my way with it.”

                “Love?”

                “Hmmm?”

                “You’re rambling.” Anders rubbed against him again, and Douglas groaned.

                “I blame it on all the blood leaving my head and heading south.”

                “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

                Douglas nibbled his neck. “Oh, I know you will.”

                Isabela suddenly squealed and tore across the balcony in excitement, and Bethany said happily surprised from her chair, “Oh, Fellon’s here.”

                Douglas glanced over the railing. Isabela hadn’t said anything about Fellon showing up tonight.  Fellon was stalking across the dance floor, and the patrons were parting in front of him like a hot knife through butter.  He didn’t look happy, having not even paused to unzip his motorcycle jacket.  Douglas wasn’t exactly surprised; Fellon never looked happy.  He probably just came to blow off steam with Isabela.  Douglas turned back to the man in front of him and their grinding hips, smiling at Anders’ hair being up right now.  Anders looked so sexy with it down, but up made it so much easier to nibble at his neck and ears, and Douglas set to work in hopes of getting out of there faster.

                The next thing Douglas knew, he had been grabbed by the collar and was yanked away from Anders.  Abruptly, everyone was screaming at once as he was still fumbling backward, and Fellon grabbed Anders by the throat, pressing him backward over the railing.  “You motherfucking _BASTARD_!” Fellon screamed as his fist slammed into Anders’ jaw.  The blond might have gone crashing to the floor below had it not been for the death grip around his throat.

                Douglas caught himself roughly against Bethany who had stood up when Fellon had grabbed him.  Varric had also hopped to his feet as his fiancé screamed while Fenris was rooted in place torn between doing his job and his best friend’s obvious rage.  After Douglas had righted himself, he, Varric, and Isabela dashed toward Fellon with Isabela yelling, “Fellon, stop!”

                Douglas and Varric tore Fellon away from the railing, Isabela grabbing hold of Anders so he wouldn’t go over.  They separated the two men, Isabela and Bethany trying to calm Fellon down as Isabela stood in front of the blond.  Varric tried to calm Bianca, and most everyone on the balcony burst into excited gossip, mostly that Fellon and Douglas were actually lovers, and Fellon had finally had enough.

                Douglas’ fists clenched in blind fury, and in the next instant, he squarely punched Fellon in the jaw.  Fellon’s head snapped back, and he staggered a step. Like a switch had been flipped, everyone was suddenly stunned into silence at Douglas’ reaction.  He had always been one for talking things out over physical actions, fact being few in audience had ever witnessed his violence.  Fellon looked at him for a moment himself in shock as Douglas glared back.  Fellon’s gaze shifted to Anders, his eyes on fire, but calmly stating, “I want that bastard out of this club.  _Now.”_  His calm was more frightening than any yelling.

                Douglas’ fists were still clenched in rage, wanting to hit the man in front of him again for daring to lay a finger on Anders but yelling back, “Fuck you!  If you have a problem, you take it up with me.”

                Fellon growled impressively back at Douglas, “ _WHAT_ did you just say to me?”

                Douglas took a step closer, his fists still at the ready. “You heard what I said.”

                Fellon’s lethal glare returned back to Anders. “That bitch has been playing you, Douglas.  Do you have any idea what he does at that so-called free clinic?”

                “Anders isn’t the one here that should be explaining himself!”

                Fellon yanked at the zipper of his leather jacket to about halfway, tugging out a manila envelope that had been stashed within and throwing it at Douglas. He caught it with a raised eyebrow.  Fellon snarled, “I did a little research.  That bastard patches up murderers for free.”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “Open the fucking envelope.”  Douglas frowned but opened it, glancing through several files but the one on the top caught his attention from the date mostly.  His eyes widened as he looked over the descriptive markings of the patient and injuries, flipping through the pages in shock before looking back at Fellon.  “Get it now?  That blond bimbo fixed up Mom’s murderer… and just let him walk away!”  He started advancing toward Anders again, but Isabela latched on to his side, keeping herself in between the two men and murmuring soothingly in his ear.

                Douglas said, “Fellon.  Office.  Now.”  Turning to Bethany, he added, “Go with him, Sister.”

                Douglas looked back at the files in his hands, some of the criminals not even smart enough to use a fake name, but the only one that mattered to him was the one on the top.  He turned to Anders, finally, still in shock and disbelief himself.  Fellon couldn’t be right about this. Anders could not have healed this murderer and set him free to do it again.  It had to be a mistake; some other person at the clinic did it.  Douglas pleaded, “Tell me these aren’t yours,” shaking his head to help with prompting the no he wanted to come out of Anders’ mouth.  He didn’t even care if it was a lie, anything not to be certain Anders had saved this bastard.

                Anders’ eyes narrowed, his voice still raspy from the choke hold, “Apparently, at the moment, they are your cousin’s.”

                Douglas roared back, “ _Are they yours?!”_

                Amber eyes reopened, taken aback.  Anders nervously swallowed with a small wince before faintly nodding a yes.

                “Get out,” Douglas’ voice a shocked whisper.

                “But, Douglas…”

                “Fenris, make sure he leaves.”  Douglas turned on his heel, unwilling to listen to anything else and heading for the office.

                Fellon added, “Fen, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to be gentle about it.”

                Douglas frowned at the comment but said nothing, disappearing down the hidden hallway as the whispering turned back into excited chatter.  Douglas closed the door to his office after the three were safely inside, walking over and throwing the files on the desk before leaning against it.  “Why?”

                “How am I supposed to know why the bitch did it?”

                Douglas turned on Fellon, “No.  Why did you tell me this?”

                “I could have just killed him.”

                “What does it even matter now?  The bastard is dead.”

                “Why don’t you tell me, Douglas?  Does it matter?”

                Douglas looked at him, wanting to instantly object, but it _did_ matter.  The man preyed on weaker individuals, torturing them before he murdered them What should have stopped that was healed, and the bastard was turned loose to do it all again.  His shoulders sagged, silently admitting it.  “Why do you even have these?” he asked, pointing at the files.

                “Someone had to check up on the little bitch.”

                “Why?”

                “Because you were too busy drooling all over his ass to do your damn job.”

                Bethany cut in, “Fellon, that’s not fair.”

                “Please, don’t you start in on me, too.  I warned Douglas from the beginning he was getting way too serious, and he did without even doing his homework first.”

                Douglas asked, “And what, you aren’t serious about Isabela?”

                “That’s different.”

                “I’m sorry, you are right.  Anders and I didn’t pass each other around like the common cold; sex actually meant something to us.”

                Bethany sighed, “That wasn’t fair either, Douglas.”

                Fellon responded, “That’s your problem, you let your heart get in the way of your head.”

                “Once again, I apologize.  I have repeatedly inconvenienced you with my feelings, but you know what, I guess it doesn’t matter now.  You win. It only took me eleven years to find someone to fall in love with, and this one _actually_ loved me back for                 once, but maybe your lesson will stick this time.”  Douglas headed for the door, stopping with his hand on the knob, “One other thing though, I’m not the only one who is ruled by his emotions.  Once again, you need to learn to control your temper                 before you end up spilling all the family’s secrets.  I’m going home.  Do you need a ride, Sister?”

                “I’ll be there in a minute.”

                Douglas nodded and left.

*   *   *

                Douglas ignored Anders’ phone calls for a few days, his heart wrenching every time he heard the sad voice pleading for him to call back, but finally he had to know why.  All types of scenarios were running through his head, the worst of all nagging him being he actually had been played, and Anders worked for the Coterie.

                Douglas dropped by The Hanged Man, grabbing the files he had shoved in his desk earlier in the week and headed over to Anders’ clinic.  He slipped in the back, watching the doctor until he knew he would be alone, and followed him into a small room, shutting the door behind them. 

                “Douglas!”  Anders obviously was surprised to see him there.  Despite the large, dark circles the blond actually looked relieved and happy at the shock.

                Douglas asked quietly, “Why did you do it?”

                “Do what?”

                “Save that bastard.”

                “Douglas, I don’t know what you are talking about.  I could tell the files were mine by looking at them, but that’s it.”

                Douglas handed them back. “The one on the top.”

                Anders looked at him for a few seconds before opening the file, studying it for a minute.  “I remember him.  I had left the clinic late, and as I was walking to the bus, I heard this groaning in the alley…”

                “You followed groaning into an alley?” Douglas asked in horror, like he needed another reason to worry about the man standing in front of him.

                “Yes, and this guy,” pointing at the file, “was lying there, bleeding to death.  I couldn’t just leave him there, and he couldn’t tell me anything, so I brought him back to the clinic and fixed him up.  I slept at my desk behind a locked door,” he added the last part quickly as Douglas was about to object to his actions again, “and by the next morning he had left.  See, I even made some notes about it.”

                Douglas glanced at the notes that he had truthfully already scoured, “No one asked you to help him or paid you?”

                “No.”

                “And you had never met him before?”

                “I never saw him before or since nor had he ever been brought up before now.”  Douglas nodded before Anders added, “I’m sorry about your aunt, but I didn’t know.”

                Douglas looked up him, his eyes full of sadness.  “She wasn’t my aunt, she was my mother.  I’ll spare you the details of what that bastard did to her before he killed her, but he deserved to die in that alley.”

                “But Fellon said his mother…”  Anders’ eyes opened wide, “Why did you tell me he was your cousin?”

                “That’s what we tell everyone, only a handful of people know the truth.”

                “Why?’

                “We have our reasons, it doesn’t matter.”

                “I am sorry, Douglas, but it isn’t my job to decide a person’s fate. It is my job to save them if I can, murderer or not.  Don’t you believe in the justice system?”

                Douglas answered quietly, “I believe in justice.”

             

_This is where Varric had told him to go.  He looked around the abandoned foundry, someone clearly had been living there.  The bastard had to be here somewhere._

_“Ahhh, so they sent baby brother to do the dirty work this time.”_

_Douglas turned toward the murderer’s voice, “Don’t be absurd, I won the coin toss. How do you know he is my brother?”_

_“I’ve met your father before, and knew he at least had one.  Although truthfully, we all thought you were dead from rumors, yet here you stand.  It must have broken your mother’s heart to have to look at you after your father was murdered.”  Douglas didn’t react to the words, but watched carefully.  The other man seemed to be moving toward a desk, most likely where he had hidden his weapon.  Douglas smiled and went over, sitting down, and Quentin glared back.  Douglas grabbed a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it with a smirk.  “Funny, I always heard Fellon was the muscle and the brains, and you were just a pretty face,” there was a moment’s pause, “Oh and good with your tongue… perhaps we can find out.”_

_“And perhaps you can drop dead and save me a bullet.”  Douglas seemed to ponder the statement for a moment, “Nah, it’s worth the bullets.” He pulled his own gun from its normal position at his back and shot the other man in the knee.  Quentin screamed out in pain but somehow managed to remain upright, propping himself up against the walls, machinery, and furniture as he tried to get away on his one good leg._

_Douglas slowly pursued the hobbling man. “The way I see it, my brother and I got lucky, and we both get to deal with you in our own ways.  Now, somehow_ you _got lucky and got away from Fellon…”_

_“Oh, he didn’t tell you how I…”_

_“How rude, I was talking,” and Douglas shot him in the other knee.  Quentin fell over screaming, Douglas smirking back at the man’s agony.  “I really don’t care how you did it, because I got to hear with my own ears that wonderful sound you just made.”  He stood over Quentin as he now tried to drag himself away with his arms, stepping on one leg wound, pinning him in place while the other man shrieked in pain._

_Douglas yanked him over, propping him up on the shattered knees and standing back up.  Quentin gasped out, “So tell me, baby Hawke, are you a bitch like your mother or a bitch like your big brother?  Although their screams were the same when I…”_

_Douglas shot him through the lung close to the heart, sending Quentin falling backward, and Douglas squatted beside him.  “I was saving that one,” he said as he pressed the muzzle of his gun against the newest wound.  “I know from experience what an injury like that feels like, but I also knew it would hinder your screams and ruin my fun.”  Douglas looked at his watch. “Such a pity I had a previous appointment I have to keep… it has been such a thrill catching up.”  He watched as the man’s blood spread across the floor, “The other thing I know about that wound is that it is survivable, and we wouldn’t want that to happen again, now would we?  So, if there was anything else you wished to say…”  Quentin garbled something back through the blood choking his throat.  “No?  Alright then.”  Douglas placed the barrel of his pistol against the bridge of Quentin’s nose, watching the terror play out in the crossed grey eyes before pulling the trigger._

 

                “Douglas, are you alright?”  Anders took a step forward, closer to the other man.

                He snapped back to the present and looked at Anders, saying sadly, “I have to go,” and quickly exited the clinic.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presents and Apologies

                A week later, Douglas was dropping Bethany off at the airport after completely avoiding Anders again.  They went through all the regular sibling goodbye chatter before Bethany grabbed his hand. “Do us both a favor and talk to him.”

                “I have nothing to say to Fellon right now.”

                “I wasn’t talking about Fellon; I was talking about Anders.”

                Douglas frowned, “I already did and found out everything I needed to.”

                “And you found out he just did his job like most doctors would have.  Can you really fault him for that?”

                “I don’t know.”

                Bethany squeezed his hand. “Brother, it’s your choice, but I have seen you unhappy far too much for one lifetime, and I haven’t even lived here in nearly ten years.”

                He frowned deeper, “Don’t remind me.”

                “You love him, and he loves you.  Talk to him at least one more time before you make any final decisions.” 

                “But Fellon…”

                “Will get over it, I promise.”

                “Ya right; he never gets over anything.”

                “Just trust me on this.” She smiled reassuringly at him. “But right now I have to go.  I’ll call you when I get in.”  They gave each other a tight hug. “I love you, Brother.”

                “I love you, too, Sister.”

                Douglas reluctantly released her, turning her over to the bodyguard, Sten, they had hired to watch over her while she was away at college.  The two men nodded at each other before the large man and Bethany departed for their gate.  Douglas watched them until they were out of view before he left for home.

*   *   *

                A few weeks had past, Douglas calling Anders a couple times to check on him, chatting pointlessly and hanging up before things turned serious.  Now he was standing outside Anders’ house, debating on how terrible an idea this actually was and wondering if his car had gave him away.   Taking a deep breath and keeping one hand behind his back, Douglas knocked on the door.  He said when it was answered, “I brought you something.”

                A blond eyebrow rose in confusion at both the visitor and confession, “Oh ya?”

                Douglas tried to present what he had, repeatedly tugging lightly as Anders’ eyebrow arched higher.  After several unsuccessful attempts, Douglas declared, “It’s stuck.” and after one more tug, he jumped, shouting, “Ow!” Douglas continued to jump and squirm with small exclamations of pain, when he finally said, “Okay, get it off,” as a tiny multi-brown colored kitten made an appearance over his shoulder with a tiny mew. 

                “Awww!”  Douglas turned so the demon claws could be pulled from his back.  Anders scooped up the little cat that had a green bow around its neck but raised another eyebrow. “You bought me a kitten?”

                “No.  I bought you stuff for a kitten though, that is, if you want to keep her.  Well, I was told it was a her by the guy at the pet store.”

                “So, where did she come from?”

                “Ares was chasing her around the yard.  I was afraid he was going to make her into a midmorning snack,” Douglas said, scratching the kitten behind the ear.  “If you don’t want her, I’m sure the shelter can use the stuff I bought.”  Douglas shrugged, “I just thought you might be lonely.”  His electric blue eyes opened wider at what he said, “Uhh, not that I think you are lonely… or should be…”

                “Douglas.”  The other man stopped his rambling, looking up at Anders.  “Thank you for the kitten.”

                They smiled at each other for a couple of seconds. Douglas said, “Okay, I’ll go get the other stuff.” He proceeded to unpack the loaded sports car filled with cat stuff and placed it just inside the door.

                Anders asked in amazement, “Did you buy the whole store?”

                “Well, I’ve never had a cat before, so I didn’t know what you needed.”  After a few more trips back and forth, he smiled, “Well, that’s it.”

                “Thank you.”

                Douglas gave the kitten another scratch behind the ears before looking up at Anders with a vague smile. “Alright, goodbye,” he said and started walking back to his car.

                The blond called after the fleeing man, “Douglas, are you ever going to forgive me?”

                Douglas lurched to a halt, and his shoulders sagged. “I don’t know.”  In reality, he had already forgiven him, but it was easier to let Anders think he hadn’t than explain Fellon would never allow them to be together.

                “He needed help, Douglas.”

                “I know that is what you believe.”

                “No, that is what is true.”

                “Men like that don’t deserve help.”

                “Men like what, Douglas?  You think just because you had everything you ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter, you can be judge and jury too?  Well, you can’t.”

                Douglas turned around in complete shock, staring at Anders for several seconds before saying, “Come with me.”

                “I can’t leave a new kitten home alone as soon as she gets here.”

                “Bring it.” Turning on his heel, he strode down the sidewalk back to his car.

                Anders hesitated before grabbing his stuff and the small cat carrier and following Douglas who was waiting by the open passenger door.  Within a few minutes of driving, they were where they were going. Douglas was out of the car once again, continually ignoring Anders’ questions and letting him out of his side.  Within a few strides he was at the front door of a tiny beat up house and in it before Anders had a chance to catch up.  “Douglas, wait!  What is this place?”  Anders stood in the doorway, looking around for Douglas but not seeing him.  “What are you doing?” but he was only answered by silence. 

                The front door opened into a living room furnished with mismatched, beat up, hand-me downs.  “Douglas?”  Again only silence.  He took a tentative step inside, knowing Nate was somehow going to know they were breaking and entering and yell at him for sure.  Placing the kitten in the carrier and setting it down just inside, Anders closed the door behind them, it squeaking loudly like a poor man’s alarm system.  He called again, but was ignored.  He pushed open a swinging door, revealing a small white kitchen which was again furnished in old hand-me downs but no Douglas.

                He started down the hallway passing a tiny bathroom.  There was some children’s artwork framed on the wall, and he glanced through them, castles and princesses, animals, planets and stars.  He passed what seemed to be a girl’s bedroom, filled with old stuffed animals and aging posters of animals and music groups as if she had lived there her whole life before moving out.

                Continuing on there was more artwork, this time of people, only one seemed a bit out of place amidst all the stick figures; a finger painting covered in small bright handprints and footprints.  One in particular stood out of a stick person smiling widely and big blue eyes with a soccer ball and a tent, the name Dougie written across the top and largely signed Fellon, Age 4 written with backwards Es.  Anders stared at it in amazement, turning and walking down the rest of the hall.  There were two doors opposite each other, but one was closed tight.  Anders peeked through the open frame first where he finally found Douglas sitting in a room with two twin beds. 

                One side was neat and orderly, covered in sports posters and shelves filled with neatly aligned trophies and ribbons.  An old office desk and chair sat in between the beds, sporting a virtually antique computer.  The other half of the room was crowded with shelves sloppily decorated with miscellaneous items of interest to their owner and a bookcase stuffed to overflowing with books. A papier-mâché solar system hung over the bed while a telescope pointed out the window. Douglas was sitting on the bed near the bookcase staring outside, and Anders sat down on the bed across from him and said, “You have a really old computer.”

                Douglas looked at him, raising his eyebrow. “That old dinosaur?  I don’t even think I know how to turn it on.  It’s Fellon’s.”

                “Oh, I just figured the brother on that side of the room would have used the computer more.”

                Douglas chuckled, “You are sitting on my side of the room.  Do I seem like a nerd to you?”

                “Comparing the two of you now?  I would say yes, you are the one that seems to belong on that side of the room.”

                “Gee thanks.”

                Anders changed the subject, “There is a lot of artwork in the hallway.”

                Douglas chuckled, “Did you like my finger painting?  Apparently that was the only one I stayed inside long enough for.”

                Anders nodded, “So you grew up here?  I thought you said you lived in your family’s estate.”

                “I did and I do.” Douglas continued at Anders’ obvious confusion, “The estate belonged to my mother’s family, and when she decided to marry my father, they disowned her.  My father had somewhat of a shady past but turned his life around.  That also made it hard for him to find good paying jobs, so he had to work two just so we could have this; my mother doing odd jobs from home so that we could have anything extra.  My grandparents died, and my uncle lost everything they left behind in crazy investments, including the estate, but eventually my brother and I were able to buy it back.”

                “That must have taken a lot of money.”

                Douglas snorted, “Ya.”

                “I’m sorry Douglas, I just assumed…”

                “I know.  It’s alright.”

                “And you kept this house?”

                “I know.  I am told I’m a sentimental idiot…”

                “No, I wish I had been able to keep the farm back home even though I never really wished to live in it again.”

                They slipped into silence for a while, Douglas staring at the floor, but he could feel eyes watching him.  Anders finally declared, “Douglas, I miss you.”

                “I miss you, too.”

                “I know I can’t fix what happened, but I am very sorry about your mother.”

                “I know.”

                There was another minute of silence before Anders asked, “But it’s really over, isn’t it?”  Douglas wanted to say yes so the other man could start moving on with his life, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, continuing to stare at the floor.  “Isn’t it?”  Anders needed to hear the answer, but his voice shook, and Douglas made the fatal mistake of looking up to teary, amber eyes.

                Douglas got up and moved beside him, clasping Anders’ hand and giving a temple a brief kiss before resting his own forehead against it.  Fellon was right; Anders made him an emotional wreck.  He couldn’t think or act without some sort of attachment when it came to the man.  Douglas had punched his own brother in the face, and he knew he would do it again in a heartbeat.  “No.”  Bethany was right too, Fellon would just have to get over it, “I love you, Anders, if you’ll still have me.”

                There was a nod and a relieved sob.  “I thought I lost you.”

                “Never.  I’m yours.”  Douglas kissed his cheek softly, “Just don’t cry.”

                “Don’t leave me again.”

                “I won’t.”

                Another nod followed a deep shaky breath, and Douglas kissed the stubbled cheek again.  Anders turned his head, and they looked into each other’s eyes for several long moments before a hand reached up to cup his cheek, and Douglas’ lips softly pressed against his. 

                The kiss was returned but it didn’t take long for Anders to break away, looking down again.  There was a hard swallow before the blond spoke softly, “I need to tell you something.”

                Douglas glanced at the apparently nervous man, and brushed back a strand of loose hair to comfort them both at the coming words.  “What is it?”

                “I tried to tell you before but I just… couldn’t.  Now, I think I better, for both our sakes.”  Douglas looked confused, and Anders hurriedly went on.  “I should have said something from the beginning, but with your business- I was just scared you wouldn’t want to see me anymore… I still am, honestly.”

                “Love, I don’t understand.”

                Hands twisted in a narrow lap while amber eyes still looked away, trying to find something to focus on besides the man beside him, not wanting to see the real reaction to his news, “I’m an alcoholic.”

                Douglas froze, pulling back slightly to take in the more of the man before him.  Confused no longer described his reaction, bewildered was better, shocked definitely.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

                “I told you; I was afraid you would stop seeing me.  Your business is so focused on alcohol, to be with someone that couldn’t or shouldn’t be drinking…”

                Douglas shook his head, “But you did, and you were.”

                Anders swallowed hard again, “I know.”

                Douglas slumped, recalling the increase in frequency.  “You should have told me.”

                “I was scared to lose you…” Anders sounded desperate for understanding, looking at Douglas pleadingly, but then he sagged again, “but I did anyway.”  Hands twisted harder. “It is worse now…  I- I don’t do well with being alone, and I didn’t want to hear Nate’s ‘I told you so’s…  He doesn’t know I have been at all after that one on my birthday.  He probably would have locked me up somewhere away from you, but it isn’t your fault.  It is mine.”

                Douglas swallowed, “Maybe Nathaniel is right, though; I’m not good for you.”  He was unable to keep from looking like he nearly choked on the words while the thought induced illness.

                Anders looked completely crushed, “I thought I could handle it, it had been almost ten years, but when you left…” Anders shook his head, cutting off his thought.  “I need help.”

                Douglas pondered this a few moments, “They will tell you I am a bad idea.”

                “I know.  They just don’t know what a good idea we really are.  I made a mistake, and I slipped, that’s all.”

                Douglas grabbed a hand still tweaking from the blond’s lap, giving it a gentle squeeze.  “Then we’ll fix it.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brothers and Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ★★★This chapter can be very triggery for some people. It is very violent and in more than one way. It is background and actually can be skipped at the cut, but it could answer some questions about history for those willing to read it. As I have stated before, I do not give specific trigger warnings.★★★

                The last few weeks had been a trial, but Douglas was not one to give up easily.  After another lunch with a stressed out lover, he finally decided the blond needed a break.  It had taken a large amount of persuasion to get Anders to agree to go away with him for a little while, but Douglas was good at that; it was his job. It hadn’t helped Anders thought he was hiding their relationship, the blond unable to spend the weekends at the estate like he had before, and there was some truth in the thought.  To keep the peace, Douglas had not told anyone he lived with he was back with the doctor, but they would have to find out eventually. Once he had arrived back at the estate, he headed straight for his own bedroom, pulling out a large suitcase he used for long trips and set to packing immediately.

                Fellon had been in his room until he heard Douglas come up the stairs and begin rummaging around in his room.  Curiosity piqued, Fellon wandered down the hall, pushing open Douglas’ door.  After assessing the scene, “Let me guess; you just can’t take it anymore, and you are leaving the country.”

                “Would that honestly surprise you?”  Douglas didn’t even look up, just continued to mentally check off his packing list.

                “Not particularly,” Fellon murmured.  He watched Douglas for a few moments, before asking, “…Just what are you doing, Douglas?”

                “See, now, I thought it was obvious.”

                “Why don’t you spell it out for me?”

                “I’m packing.”

                “No shit, Sherlock,” Fellon scoffed.  “Why are you packing?”

                Douglas was silent while he debated on telling Fellon the truth.  “I’m going away with Anders for a while.”

                Fellon blinked once.  “Is this the same Anders that saves butchers and rapists?”

                Douglas’ jaw set rigidly as his teeth ground against one another for a couple of seconds before a very forced, “That would be the one,” departed his lips.

                Fellon was silent for a moment before murmuring a very emphatic, “Fuck.”  He came into the room the rest of the way, closing the door firmly behind him before approaching his brother.  “What the hell put this idea into your head?”

                “I love him, and he needs me.  I know; a concept difficult for you to understand.”

                Fellon swallowed hard, eyes narrowing faintly.  “Yeah, what the hell would I know about anything like that?”  He scoffed faintly, leaning against Douglas’ bedside table.  “What I do know is you are running off with some hack doctor you barely know, and for what?  You’re being led around by your dick, baby brother, and it is going to get you into trouble.”

                Douglas snapped, looking up at Fellon, “So, fucking let it!  I’m not allowed to make a mistake every now and again?  Who fucking died and left you in charge of my life anyway?”  Douglas blinked in surprise at himself before looking down at his suitcase again.

                Fellon sneered, fists clenching and scar twitching furiously.  “Please, as if Mommy’s perfect little angel ever could make a mistake.”  He shoved away from the table, causing its contents to rattle and shift.  “Fuck this.”  He stalked for the door, not looking back at Douglas as he flung the barrier open.  “Let Bela know you’re leaving, or she’ll be pissed.”

                Douglas slumped slightly, sifting the contents of the suitcase around without reason before muttering a muted, “Fuck.”  Sighing heavily, he moved to the table and pushed the items back into place before returning to preparing for his trip.

* * *

 

 

★★★

* * *

                The slamming of Fellon’s bedroom door reverberated throughout the house. He stood just inside his room, leaning against the heavy wood and muttering a string of invectives. He knew the only way to keep Douglas from going where he wanted to go was to stick him in a bag and bury him, and at the moment, Fellon was tempted to do just that.

                He gave another curse and pushed away from the door, absently rubbing away an ache at the base of his skull as he stalked to his bed, flopping across it. He tried closing his eyes and resting, but the moment he did, all his saw was the bastard that got to live longer than he should have, because of that fucking bleeding heart, Anders.

_The partially open front door had Fellon pulling his favorite knife from its sheath along his forearm. He had his gun, but the old neighborhood with its packed in residences and single-thickness walls was no place to be firing it off. Fellon couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of foreboding as he silently eased through the front door and into his childhood home._

_Up unto this point, he had carefully avoided as much contact with his so-called family as possible, only seeing his mother in passing at his father’s funeral. It was Bethany that had reached out, and over time had convinced him to try to talk to their mother, try to establish at least a cordial relationship.  He had toyed with the idea to appease his sister, not really intending to do any about it, but when his mother called in a slight panic from the old house, he couldn’t bring himself to dismiss it.  She had called about pictures being out of place, and Fellon had rolled his eyes, cursing of all the details he would have had to pick up in Douglas’ busy schedule, it would have to be one like this.  Douglas was obsessive compulsive as she was, and Fellon had thought only to put her mind at some ease by showing up._

_At the moment, though, the house was far too quiet.  There were no signs of her save an overturned chair in the kitchen. Fellon frowned and silently righted the piece of furniture, liking the situation less and less. As he stood in the vacant kitchen, a sound registered; the rhythmic creaking of bedsprings, and the faint thumping of a headboard against the wall._

_For a brief moment, Fellon fought being physically ill. Disgusted, Fellon headed for the door, determined to walk away and forget the woman existed, when another sound caught his ear; a whimper. He was too familiar with noises like that to associate such a defeated noise with one made by the willing. On high alert once more, Fellon stealthily made his way down the hall, following the noises to the master bedroom. The door was wide open, and Fellon peaked in and froze at the sight before him._

_His mother was bent forward over the foot of her bed, arms behind her back and held in place with a plastic zip tie. Her dress was pushed up over her hips, underwear shoved down around her knees while a man stood at her back, grunting in pleasure. The assailant had a gun muzzle shoved into the back of her head, shoving her face into the bedspread and muffling her cries._

_Leandra managed to turn her head a bit, letting her breath and exposing signs of more physical abuse. She gave a pained cry as her rapist gave a particularly hard jerk of his hips. “…. Please…no more.…”_

_“One more word, bitch, and I’ll cut out your tongue…”_

_Fellon had been stalking forward, knife raised to take the fucker out right at the spinal cord when the man spoke. He knew that voice. It had haunted his nightmares for years. The knife Fellon held aloft shook in his hand and fell to the carpeted floor with a muted thud. The sound was enough however to draw attention._

_Quentin Gervais’ head snapped around, pinning Fellon with a surprised expression that quickly became a brutal leer. “Well, if it isn’t Cadet Hawke.”_

_Leandra’s head shifted on the bedspread, blackened eyes widening as much as they could. “F-Fellon? Oh, God, my baby—“_

_Leandra’s sob was cutoff abruptly by the retort of Quentin’s gun, and blood sprayed across the bedspread while Leandra fell limp, one foot giving a few last twitches. Fellon, completely in shock, barely flinched at the gunshot, eyes glazed as Quentin gave a few more lazy thrusts into Leandra’s now slack body before pulling away and tucking himself back into his pants. No longer supported, Leandra slid bonelessly from the bed, flopping into a bloody heap on the floor. The movement somehow snapped Fellon from his daze, and he staggered back from his mother’s rapist and killer. “I-Instructor Gervais….”_

_“That’s right, cadet. Good memory,” Quentin leered, advancing forward as Fellon retreated until the younger man was backed up against the door frame. Fellon might have been grown now, but the instant he had heard Quentin’s voice he was instantly catapulted back to the horror that had been so-called military school. Instructor Quentin Gervais had been his personal bogeyman; Fellon had been the man’s personal punching bag all through school, the one he used to “set an example for the rest of the class.” After Fellon had had a few years to grow and develop, Quentin had taken things to the next, more personal, level. Fellon had never thought he would be grateful to the fellow students that had abused him throughout school; but he couldn’t even imagine the pain he would have experienced if he had been a virgin the first time Quentin bent him over his desk…_

_“Look at you, cadet,” Quentin murmured. He pressed close to Fellon, and the younger man began to shiver. “All wide-eyed and panting like a bitch in heat. Did it turn you on, boy? Seeing your mama taking it up the ass? She was a real champ, that one. Bet you got your endurance from her. Definitely got her voice. Oh, she’s a screamer, that one. Just like her little boy.”_

_Quentin was too damned close. Fellon couldn’t breathe, and when he tried all he could smell was the scent of sex, blood, and the long-forgotten scent of his mother’s favorite perfume. It was too much. With a ragged scream, Fellon snapped his hands up, wrapping his fingers around Quentin’s throat and taking him to the floor, eyes wild. “You… fucking… bastard!” He tightened his fingers around the man’s throat. “Fucking DIE!”_

_A glint of silver caught Fellon’s eye. He threw himself to the side just in time to avoid a slash from his own knife; Quentin had managed to find it where Fellon had dropped it. Quentin scrambled to his feet, sprinting out the bedroom. Fellon was after him in an instant, jumping to tackle the bastard before he could reach the front door._

_Fellon fell on Quentin like a rabid animal, pummeling him until both Quentin’s face and his own fists resembled raw meat. Quentin was no longer fighting back when Fellon’s rage began to abate, and Fellon only felt marginal appeasement that he had beaten the man to death._

_Fellon leaned back from Quentin’s bloodied body, panting violently. The man on the floor was hardly recognizable as Quentin Gervais, and Fellon sneered at him in disgust, giving the man a last sound punch to his mangled face before staggering to his feet. Resolutely, Fellon turned his back on the beaten man and struggled toward his mother’s room._

_He knew his mother was dead, but something made him go back. She was still in a rumpled heap at the foot of the bed. Her blood had smeared over the bedspread as she had fallen to the floor and was even now contributing to a growing stain on the cream carpet she had insisted upon for her room. Being the mother of three, Leandra Hawke had known better than to have light colors in any of the common areas of the house, but her bedroom had been decorated as she’d liked._

_Now Mama’s pretty lily-printed bedspread and cream carpet were ruined. In a daze, Fellon cast his eyes over the floor. Quentin had dropped the knife when he’d attempted to run. Fellon retrieved it from the floor and knelt beside his mother’s body, carefully cutting the zip ties binding her arms. “Mama?” Fellon’s voice was soft, shaking slightly as he tried to come to terms with the fact that his mother would never talk to him again, and it was his fault. “I’m so sorry, Mama…”_

_He used to think he’d give anything for one kind word from her after the incident with Douglas. Now, Fellon just wanted her to open her eyes, even if it was just to curse him for not getting there on time. His vision blurred as Fellon gently gathered his mother into his arms, lifting her up from the floor and carefully situating her on the bed. He was just arranging her arms when Fellon heard a scuffling noise. He blinked, and gave a curse, running for the living room._

_As he feared, Quentin was not in a bloody heap on the floor where Fellon had left him. Blood smears on the floor and front door indicated the bastard had managed to work himself to him feet and flee the scene. Fuck. For a brief moment, Fellon considered going after Quentin, but ultimately turned back to go to his parents’ old bedroom. His mother needed him more right now._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mountains and Chats

                After picking up Anders, they headed northeast away from the coast.  The doctor wasn’t told where they were going, just somewhere he could relax.  As the mountains drew closer and the trees grew denser it was like a sigh of relief, reminding him of home, and he sat a little straighter as he watched with growing interest out the car window.  All the weight that had piled on his chest and shoulders started to lift with the thinner mountain air.  They made a stop in a small village, picking up supplies for a week.  Grocery shopping turned out to be quite an experience for them; a new one since their food was always bought and prepared for them or they ate out, which apparently was not going to be an option.

                As they drew further and deeper up the mountain, Anders was getting antsy to see where they were going.  They hadn’t passed another vehicle in a long time, actually appearing to be on a private drive.  They rounded a curve, and Anders nearly gasped aloud at the sight of small mountain lake.  The water was so calm it reflected the clouds in the sky like a mirror.

                He was so entranced by the water he didn’t notice anything else until the car started to slow.  There was a small cabin with large windows looking out toward the water with a wraparound porch.  It did not looking any bigger than a few rooms from outside while the trees reached toward the sky, wrapping everything in shade and dwarfed the dwelling more.  Anders smiled, “What is this place?”

                “This is where I always come to relax.”

                “Really?  It’s so small… well, compared to the estate.”  Honestly it didn’t look any bigger than his house.

                Douglas nodded, looking almost a bit sad, “I didn’t have a need for it to be any bigger; I never had anyone to share it with before.”

                Anders looked at him before he smiled, leaning over to place a gentle kiss against Douglas’ cheek.  Then he scrambled out of the car, unable to contain himself any longer.  He had thought about his home state often, but never realized how much he had actually missed it until just now.  After Irving had died, he never had a reason to go back, and with all the bad memories, he decided to get as far away from it as possible.

                Douglas smiled at the eagerness, climbing out himself. He had hoped Anders would like it, but he wasn’t quite sure the other man would.  There had always been a sense of peace here, and after his mother died, he had come for a long time when Bethany had gone back to school.  It wasn’t exciting like the beach where within a short drive you could shop and eat or anything else you could think of with lots of excitement and people.  It was remote and quiet; the closest town was over an hour away with a small diner and a main street a few blocks long lined with various shops.  He employed a local woman to maintain and prepare it on his whims, but he actually hadn’t been here since he started seeing Anders. 

                He went to the front door and let them in to the two room cottage, which was a lot more casual and comfortably furnished than anything Douglas owned at the estate. The downstairs was all one kitchen, living, and dining room space with very few electrical appliances.  Several orderly filled bookcases and a large fireplace were the main focal points of the room, and Anders chuckled when he saw a coffeemaker still in the box with a bow on the kitchen counter.  Only a TV seemed lacking, which Anders hoped to work on later, and he guessed upstairs to be the bedroom.

                Douglas smiled nervously. “Do you like it?”

                Anders looked at him with a large smile. “I love it.”

                Relaxing, Douglas smiled wider. “Well, let’s get unpacked then, so we can start to enjoy it, okay?”

                Anders nodded eagerly and set to their new task.  The bedroom also looked cozy. There were more bookcases filled with leather bound tomes, now close enough to read most of the titles were not in English.   The curtainless windows viewed the lake and the current position of the sun indicated it should rise directly in front of them.  Anders inwardly grimaced at the thought. Douglas was always up at that time, but normally he would crawl back in bed and coax Anders awake gentler than a blazing sun would.  During the week he had to be up anyway, but when he was off, he liked to sleep in. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to do that here. 

                He looked at Douglas, about to crack a joke about it, but as he did, he realized he wanted to be awake when the other man was, not sleep it away.  If Douglas being gone had taught him anything, it was to cherish every moment they were together.  Douglas caught him staring and gave him a small smile before returning to unpacking the suitcase.

                It was settling into evening by the time they were done. Douglas moved downstairs to cook while Anders sat at the counter watching with interest.  The extent of his kitchen knowledge was heat-and-eat, and it had served him well enough.  He had only learned the life of the bachelor from Irving, and said as much to his lover.  Douglas smiled but didn’t look up from the vegetables he was preparing for a salad, saying, “It pays to be a Mama’s boy sometimes.”

                Anders watched him work for a little while, then asked nonchalantly, “Do you plan on teaching your kids to cook?”

                “Sure, if they want to learn.”

                Anders asked with interest, “So, you plan on having kids then?”

                Douglas paused and looked up finally. “Is this some sort of trick question?  If I say yes, I am not volunteering for some sort of medical breakthrough I haven’t heard of yet, am I?”

                Anders chuckled, “No.  I was just curious.”

                Douglas nodded, casting a glance around at the food cooking before turning around fully to lean against the counter to face the blond.  “Sure.  I’ve thought about it.”  With a shrug, he stuffed a piece of bell pepper in his mouth after snagging it from the board and asked, “What about you?”

                Anders smiled and nodded, “I want a family.”

                There was a small pause before Douglas asked, “Son? Daughter?  Kid or kids?”

                Anders shook his head, his smile growing, “I don’t care.”

                Douglas stepped closer with a look of contemplation. Moving in between the blond’s legs, his own smile widened and he planted a kiss on the upturned forehead.  “I could handle that.”

                Slender arms snaked around the belted waist, drawing the large man closer while the blond beamed.  “We could fill that big house of yours up.”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow at the suggestion, “That would be… a lot; probably run Fellon off, too.”

                Anders shrugged, “I’m not seeing the downside.”

                Douglas was silent a moment, his expression slightly hurt.  “He is my brother, Anders.”

                “Who hates me,” Anders reminded. “Did you even tell him we were back together yet?”

                Douglas sighed and eased away, returning to the stove.  “Yes, right before I left.”

                “Took long enough.  Embarrassed of your alcoholic boyfriend?”

                “Of course not.  As you said, you two aren’t overly fond of one another, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it.”  Douglas poked at the pan of green beans on the stove, missing the look that indicated that was not the correct thing to say directed at him.

                Anders squinted. “So why are you then?”

                Douglas paused with a glance toward the blond.  In the last couple of weeks he had come to expect these mood swings, but it still hadn’t stopped him from inadvertently causing them.  Setting the utensil aside, he moved back to his lover. “Because as much as I don’t want to be keeping you two apart, I would do it a million times a day just to hold you,” large hands slipped around the thin frame, “and kiss you,” a soft kiss against pouting pink lips before the speaking pair moved to brush against an ear, “and make love to you.”

                There was a shiver from the whisper of breath. “What? No demonstration of that?”

                Douglas chuckled, pressing a kiss against a temple.  “Not right now, the food would burn.”  Hawke moved away again. “Although it does give me an idea…”

                “Oh ya?”

                Douglas nodded, turning down the stove before looking in the oven at the roasting chicken.  “I could just keep you in bed all the time, and that would solve all my problems.”

                “Would it?”

                “Well it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt to try.”

                Anders suggested softly, “We could just stay up here and never go back down.”

                Douglas removed the pan from the oven, placing it and the potholder aside.  “I offer a rebuttal.”  He turned with a smile. “There is no room for kids here.  Besides that, when there are twenty little demons running around the estate, I want to bring my husband up here for a breather.”

                “Husband, huh?  And you plan on letting him breathe?”

                “Well, maybe not as much as he might like.  He will probably want to sleep after the trouble he has gotten us into, but I will have other plans.”

                “Such as?”

                Douglas grabbed some plates from a cabinet. “Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe a romantic dinner, some wine.  Soft music.”  Douglas dished out the food he had prepared, herb roasted chicken and potatoes, sautéed green beans, and salad. Setting one plate in front of Anders next to the waiting utensils and the other where he would be sitting, he then turned to the bottle of wine. “Maybe after, soft lips, soft tongues, soft skin…”  He turned with a smirk and two glasses.

                The glasses were set down, and Douglas claimed his seat, kissing the man watching him.  The cook asked softly, “What about you?  Ever plan on getting married?”

                Anders nodded slowly. 

                Douglas smiled happily. “Good to know. “  After adjusting the napkin across his lap, Douglas picked up his fork and knife and said, “Well, dig in.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groans and Pleas

                The first morning of their vacation was chiller than expected, but that never stopped the swimmer from his morning routine.  It did have him making a break for a warm shower the moment it was over.  The shower also followed ritual, the dark haired man ensuring his skin and hair was taken care of properly before exiting the bathroom.  Douglas chuckled at the sight greeting him in the bedroom and streaked to the bed where Anders was still dozing buried beneath blankets and a pillow.  Diving beneath them, Hawke snuggled up close to the warm man.

                “Cold!  You are cold… and wet,” Anders hissed and scooted away, taking the blankets with him. 

                “Hey!  You’re right, I’m cold.”  Douglas latched on to the blankets and gave them a tug, dragging the smaller man back. “Apparently, fall stopped in for an early visit this morning.”

                Anders groaned, “What does that have to do with me?”

                Douglas chuckled, keeping a layer of fabric between them, “Nothing, I guess, except your man shivering to death.” He wrapped Anders tight in a blanket cocoon and his limbs.

                “I don’t pity him.  He swims every morning when he should stay in bed with me.”

                “You can’t expect a man to change after twenty years.”

                “Then he shouldn’t expect sympathy,” Anders grumbled, “and those windows need curtains.”

                “It’s cloudy.”

                “All the more reason.”

                “We’ll get them if you want.”  The view was beautiful, but he loved what was in his arms more.  Snuggling into the embrace, Anders sighed contentedly, and it was repeated by the other man.  Lips brushed against blond hair before Douglas rested his cheek on top. 

                Anders was starting to drift back to sleep when he muttered, “Still cold?”

                Douglas smiled, clearly still awake but completely happy to just lie the way he was. “A little.”

                “I could warm you up.”

                “Could you?”  A head nodded against his cheek, but other than that, Anders hadn’t broken free from the blankets.  “Going to let me join you in there?”

                There was a shake of a no while Douglas raised an eyebrow at the response, but Anders still wasn’t moving.  “Plan to tell me how, or is it some sort of magic trick I need to wait for?”

                Anders remained silent and unmoving for a little while longer, and Douglas had thought he might have gone back to sleep when fingers touched his naked stomach.  Startling slightly, Douglas took a sharp inhale at the unexpected touch, but warmth radiated from the hand washing across his skin.  The dark haired man hummed softly while his body tried to follow.  As the wandering hand moved along inner thigh, Anders tilted his head up, mouthing the square jaw.

                A large smile broke across Douglas’ face.  Anders was obviously still tired after spending much of their first night awake, but that wasn’t hindering the fact this was the first time they had been together longer than a few hours since rekindling their relationship.  It seemed Douglas wasn’t the only one who wished to take advantage.

                Anders said, “Turn over, facing the window.”

                Douglas gave a soft groan at the order, brushing a kiss across the forehead before complying.  He couldn’t see much; one way his face would be buried in the bedspread and the other would require twisting, so he opted just to rest his head over his arms, looking out the panes of glass.  The mist outside was curling around the trees as hands started a slow exploration of his body, beginning at the ankles and working their way up.  A few points resulted in a twitch from a tickle, but Douglas didn’t complain.  Legs were spread while fingers teased, causing lids over blue eyes to lower halfway.

                There was some shifting next to him, and Anders settled above him. A stiffening cock slid along the divide, and teeth nipped at Douglas’ ear.  Stubbled jaw nuzzled a moment with Douglas leaning into it before Anders sighed, “Don’t you dare get curtains.”

                Douglas was confused, asking, “Are you sure?”

                A nod was given in answer, followed by, “My man may choose to leave our bed every morning, but how can I be mad when I can watch?” Anders’ hands started moving across Douglas’ arms and back, breath caressing the side of his neck and shoulder.  “His movements as fluid as the water he’s in. His skin wet.”

                A tongue darted across the muscles of Douglas’ shoulder, and the rutting at his backside increased in friction with Anders’ full weight supported on top of him.  Douglas inclined his head slightly to see his lover, lips and tongue tracing lines of muscle in his arm.  “Were you peeping at me while you were supposed to be sleeping?”

                “Mmhmm.  Can you blame me?  So often, you are completely covered up. Then, I see you in those little shorts, and my mind starts to wander…” Anders’ voiced tapered off as a tongue resumed leaving trails.

                “Where does it go?”

                “To all the things I’m going to do to you when I get you back into bed.”  As Anders replied, he shifted and a slicked thumb pressed inside and down, causing Douglas to gasp loudly.

                When Douglas could talk again, he muttered, “You were just lying here in wait, weren’t you?” pressing back into the hand that was now cupping and fondling him with thumb firmly in place, a cock still lying on his ass.  Douglas moaned softly as his own body started to stir.

                “Oh, yes.” Teeth nipped at the muscles near the right shoulder blade.  “I guess I coulda just watched you, finished myself off, and went back to sleep.” 

                Douglas started to protest, but the digits of the hand caressed him again, silencing the words with a groan.

                Anders brushed a kiss across the back beneath him, “I’m glad you agree with my decision not to deny you,” moving away and settling on his knees in between spread legs.  “I would much, much… _much_ … rather fuck you instead.” 

                Each word was accentuated with a trust of the thumb, and Douglas gripped the sheets tightly.  Anders must be really turned on, it was rare he got this way.  Douglas liked when the blond took charge, it reminded him of their first time together and loved how this smaller man had him completely wrapped around a slender finger.  The larger man hadn’t bottomed in a while either, which could have provoked the mood.  “I prefer that myself.”

                Anders paused, indicating he wanted the hips before him to move upward.  Not too high and fighting off a grin as the muscles of the man soon to be beneath him started to work  to keep in position demanded and not slip across the sheets.  The bottle of lubricant was retrieved from beneath the bedspread.  A hum of delight followed from his lips when the top opened and the upturned backside pressed toward it in answer, as if asking for it.

                Anders ran a finger across the seam.  “So eager.  You should bottom more.”

                “You should make me.”

                Anders drizzled some of the lubricant, letting it run in trails down the pale skin.  Fingers tracked along after, gathering and spreading at the intended target.  “Make you?  Shouldn’t you be begging?”  A moment was taken for contemplation before Anders purred, “I guess I’m doing something wrong.” Fingers slipped inside one by one, teasing and caressing the tight ring and channel, coming close to stimulating Douglas’ prostate before back away or changing directions.  “Am I doing something wrong?”

                Douglas was groaning into the sheets, driving himself crazy trying to get Anders to go where he wanted him to.  He wasn’t sure if he was helping or making things worse, but then again he didn’t see the little smirk on Anders’ lips either until he actually turned his head to answer.  Douglas huffed, his mild irritation fading as Anders’ face softened into a smile.  “No, love.  I think you know _exactly_ what you are doing.”

                The answer was rewarded with a brush of stimulation, the blond’s smile growing as blue eyes glazed in lust.  Anders asked, fingers caressing and teasing everything at once. “Would you like more of a demonstration?”

                The blue eyes drifted closed, body writhing while Douglas gasped back, “Yes, please.” 

                Anders fought of a chuckle.  “What was that? I didn’t quite catch it.”

                Eyes snapped back open, staring intently at their lover’s. Anders swallowed hard, and Douglas gazed followed the bob of the throat, and then looked back up to the blond’s face.  He pressed his ass further with a deep arch in his back, “Fuck me, Anders; I need it,” surprised to find at how much he did need this aspect of their sex life.  There was no verbal response, but fingers did, sending Douglas to groan into the mattress.  When pleas fell from his lips unchecked and muffled by the sheets, Anders finally gave into both their desires.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snuggles and Promises

                The evening was cool, a breeze working through the trees like nature’s wind chimes.  The porch furniture was surprisingly comfortable, and at the moment, the love seat was being unitized for snuggling.  It had been a long time since Anders had the opportunity to enjoy a night like this and was reminded of nights on the porch with Irving.  He smiled at the thought.  One major difference though, it was usually a cat snuggled in his lap, while at the moment he was using Douglas’ thigh as a pillow.  A similarity was Douglas idly petting him, and Anders couldn’t help but purr.

                They had been here a week, spending most evenings like this.  When Douglas had first shown him the way the sun set behind them could be viewed on the surface of the water, Anders had been entranced.  He still was to be honest.  The moment had passed for this evening; meaning tonight was their second to last before heading back to the city.

                Anders had still casually brought up staying up here.  An owner didn’t have to actually be at a place of business to make money, but Douglas would just point out the old saying of doing it oneself if one wanted it done right.  It was just a nice idea anyway, the thought of no responsibilities and no psycho brothers, but Anders knew he would eventually get bored and miss his patients.  This was the most relaxed he felt in years though, and his mood swings had tapered off dramatically.

                Working had always kept him distracted before, but he realized he needed just as much time to actually sort through the things that only got shoved to the side.  Douglas helped him, either with talking or just giving space.  Nate tried, but a lot of times things got turned into arguments, only made worse by the fact the other man wouldn’t back off.  All of Douglas’ persuasion must come with knowledge of when to walk away and try again later.

                Douglas was reading while Anders was just enjoying the closeness and the relative silence.  Suddenly the book lowered, and Douglas muttered, “Remind me to make an appointment with my dentist when we get back.”

                Anders looked up slightly concerned, “Are your teeth bothering you?”

                Douglas chuckled and shook his head, “No.  I just remembered I had planned to do it this week for my Halloween costume, but something came up.”  He smiled at Anders, brushing away blond hair behind an ear.

                “Oh.”  Anders smiled even though in his mind churned slight anxiety about the upcoming party.  It seemed a big deal to Douglas, and although given the opportunity not to go, he couldn’t bypass something so clearly important to his lover.  They would just be careful.  To be honest, Anders was treating this almost like a test, if they could really do this or not; if he could. 

                “Hey,” Douglas looked at him in seriousness, “Everything will be fine.  No matter what happens, we will get through it together.  Alright?”  Expression changed, softening with a smile and blue eyes sparkling, “You aren’t going to get rid of me, Anders.  You’re stuck, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

                Anders was a little stunned by the confession at first, but he gave a small nod, searching the face above him. He smiled before settling back in to the snuggle and silence.  Looking over the water for a few minutes, he sighed, “How do you leave this place?”

                Douglas still hadn’t returned to his book, viewing the scene with his lover instead.  “I almost didn’t once.”

                Anders suddenly had the flash of Douglas being a reclusive hermit flashing through his mind, and it didn’t seem at all as nice as the idea of them staying up here together.  It was actually extremely sad to think about, knowing the social nature of his lover apparently was something that has stuck with him his entire life.

                After a few moments, Douglas shut his book, placing it on a small table beside him.  Using both hands now to give light caresses to the blond man in his lap, Douglas continued, “After my mother died, I came here to deal with it all.  I almost couldn’t.  At the time, it was just me and her at the estate.   I guess you could say I felt like it was my job to take care of her after all the hard times she went through to do the same for us.  It should have been easy.  We obviously were much better off than before, and of course, she was an adult, not three children.  One night, I was busy and couldn’t answer my phone, and by the time I was able, my phone was going off like crazy.  People calling to tell me something happened at the old house.”

                Douglas took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before going on, “I finally got a hold of Fellon, and he barely could tell me anything.  I got to the house, and he was outside, quite shaken obviously, which for my brother to be such is nerve rattling in its own right. No one would let me in, especially Fellon; he was adamant.  So, the last time I ever saw my mother was earlier that morning, talking about flowers and hats, and the possibilities for my love life.”

                A hand paused in the blond hair, giving the thin shoulder a squeeze. “The funeral was a few days later, closed casket.  I did eventually find out the whys to such reasoning, no thanks to my brother.  I will spare you, though, as he attempted for me and Bethany.  For about a week, I tried to stay at the estate, but I was always expecting Mother waiting for me in the kitchen after my swim.  At one point, I had the thought _Well, I didn’t actually see her, so what if they are wrong?_ As if my own brother wouldn’t know for sure.  As if him to witness it wasn’t good enough for my brain to conceive the possibility I would never see her again.”

                Anders swallowed.   He knew that feeling.  His mind tried to tell him the same thing until he had actually gotten back to Tennessee to see Irving and accept he was all alone again.  He hugged Douglas’ knees.

                “We found out later the bastard was looking for Fellon, and Mother just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Anyway, I couldn’t fathom going back to the estate by myself.  Fellon dragged me back though and moved in.”  Douglas shrugged, “The rest is pretty much the same as it had been until I met you.”

                Anders nodded, taking it all in.  He finally decided to open up himself; it was the point of this trip, wasn’t it?  Douglas had tried a couple times, but Anders thought it would ruin the point of the getaway.  Now seemed a good time. “I have always had a problem with drinking.   I started slightly before I met Irving.  It might even be true I would have never met Irving if not for alcohol.  I was looking for it, somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, when I got attacked by the dog.  Not just, but if I had stopped at the food, I might have been okay and out of there, but I had to go snooping.  After that incident, I was happier.  Too much partying on the weekends possibly, but not out of hand completely, my grades were still good, and I held down my responsibilities.”   Anders shrugged before letting out a sigh, “When Irving died, I really went downhill.  My boyfriend at the time, Karl, got me help.  I thought when he moved away, I would lose it again, but he kept contact with me, keeping me out of trouble.  Then I met Nate.  Nate and I butt heads quite a bit, always have, but he’s got broad shoulders for leaning on and is actually someone who can out stubborn me.  When Karl died, I lost it, but Nate helped me get my feet back under me.   We fell in love for the wrong reasons; we figured it out later. When it ended with him, we both saw it coming, and for me, it wasn’t exactly the crushing blow the others had been.  As you can probably tell, he is still around to kick me in the ass when I need it.”  Anders looked up at Douglas, “Now I have you, too.”

                “You’ll always have me, love.”

                Anders rolled over on his back. “Always is a lot to promise.”

                “Would you rather I not?”

                Anders pondered this question for a several seconds.  “Irving promised it.  When I lost him, it felt like he had broke his word.  I learned differently though.  He’s still here, just in a different way.  Not haunting me or anything like that, but I am still learning from the things he taught me.  Still know he loved me right to the end.  Karl and Nate, too.” Anders looked at Douglas a moment, “Others did, but they let me down, but I guess I didn’t need them anyway.”  Anders looked down at his hands a moment. “I always want the promise to tell the truth.”  He looked back up. “I want it even more now from you.”

                Douglas nodded with a small lopsided grin.  “I will always be here for you, Anders.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosebleeds and I Love Yous

                The night before Halloween, Douglas woke up with a start, sitting straight up in the bed.  Anders rolled over, groggily asking, “What is it, love?”  The blond spent every Friday and Saturday night in Douglas’ bed since they got back.

                “Shhh.”  He had his nightmare again. The last time he had it, the night ended with him coming home from the police station bruised and bloody after being found standing over Lilley’s dead body.  He cleared his mind and concentrated.

                “Douglas, your nose is bleeding,” Anders’ voice was startled.

                “Be quiet,” he hissed mindlessly, wiping the blood away with the back of his hand. Still waiting for his instincts to kick in, Douglas grew tense as nothing came to him.  “I’ll be right back.” He picked up his pajamas from the floor where they were tossed when they had made love earlier, throwing them on while bolting from the room.

                He ran to the opposite end of the hall, hand poised to pound on the door, when he heard voices.  Douglas sighed in relief, letting his hand fall back to his side.   The voices weren’t arguing, and he quietly walked back to his room, wondering what had spurred the dream this time.  He used to have it all the time for no reason, maybe this was one of those times.  He reentered his room where Anders was now out of bed also putting on his pajamas. “Sorry, I thought I heard something.”

                Douglas went into the bathroom to wash the blood from his face and hand, glancing at the clock in the bathroom.  It was barely past midnight and the Hanged Man’s Halloween party was that night.  He sighed in hopes he would be able to get back to sleep; tonight was going to be a long one.  He waited to make sure the bleeding had stopped before switching off the light and heading back to bed.

                Anders had already gotten back under the covers again, his back to Douglas’ side. Douglas climbed up behind him, wrapping his arm around Anders’ waist and kissing his cheek, “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

                “It was bound to happen again one day,” Anders shrugged.

                “Don’t believe we can stay blissfully happy forever?”

                “Who can?”

                Douglas pulled Anders over on his back and leaned over him, smiling and saying, “We can.”

                Anders smiled back, “You know, I’m not surprised I actually believe you.  You could tell people the sky was green, and they would all believe it.”

                “Isn’t it though?” Douglas was smirking now, but then grew serious, “You don’t think I’m feeding you some sort of line do you?”

                Anders studied him a moment. “No.  I think you could, but I don’t think you are.”

                Douglas frowned at his answer. “Do you think I have before?”

                “I’m not sure. All you have to do is wink and smile, and I’m falling all over myself and I’m not the only one.”

                Douglas’ frown deepened, and he rolled over on his back, staring at the ceiling with one arm behind his head. “Well, that’s good to know, I guess.”

                “I doubt you are surprised to find out I think you could charm the pants off a priest, and not just the bad ones either.”

                “No, but I am surprised to learn my boyfriend thinks I would use said charm on him to get him to believe whatever I want.”

                “I didn’t say would; I said could.”  Anders rolled over, pressing himself into his lover’s side.  Douglas started idly running his fingers across the blond’s arm, still staring at the ceiling.  Anders added, “There is a difference.”

                “Not really enough of one.”

                They were silent for a couple minutes before Anders threw his leg over Douglas’ hips and sat up. “Let me ask you something then: would you ever use your charm to get me to believe whatever you want?” 

                Douglas looked him straight in the eye, serious as a Fellon, “Never.”

                After studying him a moment, Anders replied, “I believe you.”

                Douglas was about to point out this didn’t exactly prove anything, how did Anders know he wasn’t being charmed right now when the blond quickly moved south taking Douglas’ pajama bottoms with him.  If he had a thought of objecting to such behavior during the middle of a serious discussion, it quickly fluttered into the ether when a wet mouth lowered over him and only a gasp escaped instead.  A hand reached up, pushing his shirt up, and Douglas took the hint, pulling it off and throwing it back to the floor where it belonged when this man was in his bed.

                The hand ran across the muscles of his abdomen, the mouth still moving along him up and down.  Anders continued working at him until he was throbbing and groaning before another set of clothes joined the first.  Anders placed a couple of fingers against Douglas’ lips and he took them in his mouth slicking them with his tongue.  They were removed, and Anders lightly prepared himself as Douglas made use of a condom. Lowering himself on to Douglas, Anders cried out as he let his lover fill him slowly.

                Douglas groaned, keeping his hands on Anders’ thighs, waiting for his man to be ready and as the hips started rising away again, Douglas moved his hands to the small waist.  Once Anders had retreated slowly, he came back down quickly, both men gasping at the sensation.  The action was repeated over and over, blue eyes watching the shaft disappear inside and amber eyes watching the desire building in the others.  Douglas sat up so Anders could use his shoulders for leverage, his hands still helping with the lifting. Douglas hungrily kissed the perfect pink lips, both moaning and gasping for breath.  Douglas groaned, “You feel so good, love.”

                The blond head threw back and Douglas attacked the delicious skin of the exposed neck with relish, his teeth pinning it in place.  Their thrusting pressed his teeth into the gorgeous neck, Anders screaming out in pleasure.  One side of hips was released and the hand wrapped around the thick shaft between the two men, pumping roughly along with the rapid pace Anders had now set.  Hot seed squirted across Douglas’ chest as Anders trembled and gave another sharp cry during his release. The hand was returned to the hips, thrusting a couple more times before shoving deep inside, and Douglas loudly groaned his own climax.  The men clung to each other, panting heavily, Douglas gasping out, “Love… you are amazing….”

                Anders smirked, “I know."

                Douglas chuckled and kissed him. “As long as we are on the same page then.”  Anders moved off him after another long kiss.  Douglas went to get a washrag and cleaned them both up before returning the dirty rag back to the bathroom.  He crawled up back next to Anders, he on his side, the blond on his back, their heads titled together, a long leg and arm draped across Anders.  Douglas started drifting back to sleep, “I love you, Anders.” His answer was a soft dreamy sigh as Anders had already fallen back to sleep, and Douglas smiled before joining him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costumes and Taunts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE.***

                The party was going off without a hitch.  Of course, Douglas attempted to plan for everything, especially this year.  There were factors that had never been an issue for him before coming into play.

                Earlier that afternoon, Anders had been left with Isabela, so Douglas could head to the club to make preparations.  When they showed up, he was impressed with their costumes.  Douglas chuckled. “I figured you for the skirt, and you for the pants,” commenting on Anders’ purple robes and Isabela’s elaborate yet legging utilizing pirate costume.  Hawke was very taken with the Captain’s coat, noting the fine detail as he kissed his best friend’s cheek.  He turned to Anders with a smile, “A wizard?”

                Anders nodded nervously, “Do you like it?”

                Douglas gave the blond’s hand a squeeze. “Of course. What about me?”

                Anders looked over Douglas appreciatively, choosing to be a vampire this year and obviously went all out for something that should have been a simple costume with his pale skin to set it off seamlessly.  “I think you knew how your costume would affect me.”

                Douglas chuckled again, drawing his lover into his cape and brushing his lips across a stubbled cheek, down Anders’ jaw to a full plant upside his neck.  “Mmm.  I know.”

                “I’ll be looking forward to it later.”

                “You mean the part when I’m snoring on your shoulder on the ride home?”

                “No, the part where I ride you home.”  If they hadn’t been attached by his dentist, Douglas might have chocked on his fake teeth at that comment.  Before he could give retort though, other guests required attention. 

                Varric had dressed as an angel and Bianca a devil, arrived to help see to the festivities of the evening and attend to the party goers.  This was the only evening Aveline would make a regular appearance.  Probably due to the fact Douglas had been having Halloween parties for as long as he could remember, and Aveline had always come to them. Douglas never got to spend as much time with her as he liked.  She was his oldest friend, playing on sports teams together from the time they could walk.  It was easy enough to play off her attendance was to ensure nothing got out of hand. This year she was dressed as a knight, and her husband, Donnic, was attired as a horse. 

                Fellon arrived shortly after the party was in full swing, dressed in red flannel and jeans.  Douglas knew better, but there was always a few new to the party each year that had to ask the eldest Hawke what he was dressed up as.  Fellon never failed to pull of his half crazed smile, replying, “A homicidal maniac.”  Douglas just rolled his eyes if he was in earshot. 

                Everything was going along perfectly, and even Anders seemed to be fully enjoying himself which put his lover at ease.  Douglas knew there wasn’t really a way for anyone else to do the job he did, and he would have a hard time just giving it up.  It wasn’t as simple as putting on a cape and smiling at everyone.  This was the event that usually garnered information on all the upcoming holiday plans for the city’s elite.  It couldn’t be fucked up.

                Rounds were being made, and Douglas couldn’t help the large smile on his face.  He always loved Halloween.  Now he throws the most sought after, invitation only event for the holiday.  Anders without knowing it was even helping pull everything off.  Douglas couldn’t be any happier.  Perhaps one day Anders could be in a role like Isabela and Bianca.

                He turned away with a smile from the current couple, giving the hand within his a squeeze for a job unknowingly well done as they moved on, but in the next moment, warm liquid was spreading across his chest when someone bumped into him.

                Douglas looked down to see red wine across the front of his white shirt, a woman dabbing at it with profuse apologies.  Douglas was honestly seeing more than one red for an instant, and lucky Anders shooed the woman away before Douglas totally lost it. Douglas took a deep inhale after the woman stopped smearing him, and with a heavy sigh he looked at Anders.  “I guess I better go change.”

                “I’ll come with you.”

                “No, I’ll only be a few minutes, and I know Bianca has been missing you.”

                Anders looked unsure of himself until he looked over at Bianca, who was dancing.  She waved him over in invitation.

                Douglas pressed a kiss to his lips before swatting at the robed backside to send Anders on his way.

                A voice growled over his shoulder, “Can you make it any more obvious?”

                Douglas rolled his eyes, “I don’t think I could have been any more obvious than when I punched you in the face.  As long as everyone still thinks I will fuck around, it doesn’t matter.”  He turned to face his brother and Isabela.  He pointed out the stain, talking to his best friend, “I need to go change.  Keep an eye on Anders for me?”

                After her agreement and ignoring another of Fellon’s dig, he headed off to his office.  Once behind the closed door and looking down at the spot on his shirt, he gave a heavy sigh.  The wine was definitely going to stain.  He grimaced at the thought and made for his closet, but the main door opened.  That woman rarely did listen. “Isabela, there is no way this is going to come out,” he said, turning around and looking.

                “Sorry, not that pirate whore,” a decent looking petite blond woman wearing a super heroine costume answered after she had followed him in; the one he was fairly certain had caused the stain on his shirt.

                “Maybe you should watch what you say about my friends. And explain just who the hell you think you are and what you are doing in my office.”

                “Douglas, I think we may be getting off on the wrong foot here.”  She approached him, her hips swaying suggestively.   “We heard about your good news, and I was sent as congratulations.”

                Douglas raised an eyebrow at her, “What good news?” turning off his emotions even though he wanted to cringe at the thought of her.

                “How the DNA evidence in Lilley’s murder case just magically disappeared.”

                There was only one “we” who would care about that besides the police, and they wouldn’t be sending presents. “I figured your bosses would be a little more put out than happy.”

                “We are all on the same side, Douglas.  We got to stick together.”

                “Nice change of tune, but why would the Coterie want to join forces all the sudden after trying to destroy me for nearly ten years?”

                “You have obviously proven yourself worthy in their eyes.  Can’t we just enjoy this peace offering?”  She reached up touching his cheek, and he resisted the urge to shove her away.

                “As tempting as you are trying to make that sound, I think I will pass.  Tell your bosses thanks for the flattering proposition though.”

                She removed her hand and started walking back toward the door. “Well, we were hoping it wouldn’t come to this.” She pulled out a yellow envelope that was hidden behind her cape. “But we know you aren’t the one who killed Lilley.”  She wiggled the envelope, proving it wasn’t empty. “Proof of who really did.  Captain Hendyr should find this particularly interesting, and since he is already here, you can watch him being hauled off.”

                Suddenly the nightmare came back to him, and as she opened the door to walk out, he called out, “Wait.”

                She paused with a smirk at him, “Have a change of heart?”

                He forced a smile, “With such a beautiful woman offering herself to me, who wouldn’t?”

                She reclosed the door. “I heard you were good with that tongue of yours; I’m seriously hoping that is true.”

                “I do have to wonder though, why aren’t you talking to him about this?”

                She walked back toward him. “Oh, I won’t lie, he is extremely handsome and it is tempting, but I am use to the rugged look. I wanted something a little different.”

                “So, I’m not rugged?  I could take offense to that, it almost questions my masculinity.”

                She chuckled, “Douglas, darling, you are so beautiful half the women here are jealous.”

                “Not you though, you have no need.”  He walked to his desk chair and taking a seat. “So, tell me, how do you see this working?”

                “You agree to help the Coterie when they ask, we celebrate, and I give you this envelope.”

                “And that’s it? The Coterie drops pursuing revenge against him?”

                “Of course, Douglas.  We wouldn’t want to anger our new ally.”

                Douglas nodded, reaching under his desk; there was no way he was sleeping with this whore. His gun was missing though, and she walked around to the same side of the desk.  He played off his shock, standing up and moving around to the opposite side.  “Sounds good to me.”

                “Oh, Douglas, you _really_ shouldn’t have done that.  Brekker, honey, you can come out now.”  A heavily muscled man also in a superhero costume walked out of the closet holding Douglas’ gun.  “See, we knew you had a thing for men, and we wanted to make sure you fully enjoyed yourself.”

                Douglas didn’t like where this was going and bolted for the door.  She chided in mock shock, “Douglas, I’m surprised at you…  You would really let him go to prison and let him enjoy again for life what you can get over with in one night?  I think we both know it would take more than one well-endowed man to bring down someone like him, and they would all want their turn.”  She rubbed the man’s crouch lustfully like she knew from experience what was waiting for Douglas.

                Douglas’ shoulders sagged, and he closed his eyes, turning back toward them.  She smiled wickedly at him as the man handed her the gun.  She walked to the front of the desk, setting the envelope down and taking a seat on top of it.  “Such family loyalty,” she indicated she wanted Douglas to come closer with a wave of the pistol, the man now standing beside her, and Douglas approached them.  “Show us what we are getting.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter: Suspicions and Silence
> 
> ***THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE. High Possibility.***
> 
> Thanks for reading!

                Well, the party was going off without a hitch; not that it was ever a problem, Douglas’ parties were always a hit. Fellon glanced away from Bela and Fenris on the dance floor as they swayed together to the music, staring down into his drink. Despite the success of the party, something just wasn’t quite right tonight. He’d been getting a strange sense of “wrongness,” for lack of a better word, from Douglas all day but had dismissed it as a case of party jitters. Douglas always got so keyed up over his parties, but the last time Fellon suggested he stop throwing the damn things, Douglas had looked at him like he’d just kicked Loki in the head. Fellon shook his head at the memory. Of course, he’d been in the wrong to suggest something to ease Douglas’ stress; silly him. Still, once Douglas stopped fussing and actually took a moment to enjoy, Halloween was his favorite time of year.

                With a frown, Fellon’s gaze flicked up to the VIP balcony, thinking of Douglas. He was currently in his office, changing his shirt. Fellon couldn’t help a slight scoff; mostly likely Douglas would come out wearing an entirely new outfit, because he couldn’t find anything to match what he was already wearing.

                Fellon tossed back his drink and slammed the glass down on the bar, giving himself a good mental shake. Tossing a large bill onto the bar top, he made sure the bartender saw it before he moved out onto the dance floor to join his lovers, the three of them finding an easy rhythm together and moving together as flawlessly as they could in the bedroom. For a while, Fellon was able to ignore the “wrongness” feelings. He was vaguely aware of Douglas’ “friend” excusing himself from Bianca and Varric’s company on the edge of the milling dance floor and making his way for the stairs. Hm. Apparently Dougie was taking too long with his wardrobe for the Doc’s peace of mind. Poor guy was in for a rude awakening; Douglas was almost as bad as most women when it came to getting his clothes just right. Barely holding back a disgusted sigh, Fellon buried his nose in the crook of Bela’s neck as she rolled her hips erotically into his, while Fenris ground at her from the front. It was a position Fellon hoped to mimic horizontally sometime after the party. Or maybe sooner, if his Bela’s groan of approval was any indication.

                The sensations of shock, pain, and horror hit Fellon so fast, he actually cried out, the sound blessedly camouflaged by the music and the crowd. Fellon took a shuddering breath, eyes snapping toward the balcony. Douglas.

                Before Isabela could ask what was wrong, Fellon was running for the stair and taking them two at a time to get to his brother. Half-way up, he met Anders, who was practically flying down the stairs; so fast he nearly knocked Fellon backward when their shoulders collided. “What the hell?!” Fellon growled, but the blond didn’t even pause, dashing blindly onto the dance floor and shoving his way toward the exit.

                Fellon was furious; obviously, that blond bastard had done something to his brother. With a low growl, he turned back down the stairs, running after the fleeing man. “Hey! Get the hell back here! What the fuck did you do?!” He chased Anders out the door, but was too late. By the time Fellon hit the sidewalk, Anders was already in a cab, and it was pulling out into traffic. He only caught a glimpse of the doctor, but it looked as if he were crying.

                Giving a curse, Fellon stomped back into the club, muttering all the while. It didn’t help that the rush of feelings he was experiencing had yet to dissipate. A frown deepened the lines on Fellon’s face; Douglas was usually fairly quick to recover from a shock. Had Anders done something? Fucking lovers’ quarrel most likely, he had warned his brother it was bound to happen. He returned to the bar, ordering a drink and cursing his luck for having to deal with the fallout, too.

* * *

                Douglas couldn't hold back anymore, and shoved away from the exhausted couple, running for the bathroom to throw up with tears flowing down his own cheeks. _I have to fix this_ , and he tried to push away from the bowl, _as soon as I can pull my head out of the toilet_ , and he threw up again. The woman stood over him in the doorway, fully dressed again. "You know, that couldn't have gone better if I planned it. You realize what he is thinking and that he won't believe anything else? He watched his man enjoy someone else's company while he wasn't even invited, but at least he knows you returned the favors."

                Douglas' heart broke as he realized what she said was true.

                She held up the envelope. "But look on the bright side, you’ll be heartbroken and we didn't have to touch him. Too bad though, I was really looking forward to getting a taste of him. As promised." She tossed the envelope on the floor beside him and turned to leave. Her,"Thanks for everything, beautiful," floated back to him as she disappeared.

                He scrambled to his feet after he threw up again, making sure they had left. Douglas locked the door before grabbing his clothes and heading back to the bathroom. Using a small nail brush, he scrubbed himself raw, throwing up again when he washed the blood and ejaculate from his backside. Underwear and pants back on, he looked at the wine stain on his shirt that started this whole mess, and then twisted the delicate fabric angrily in his hands, listening to it tear under the stress. Dropping the now tattered rag to the floor, he brushed his teeth and tongue while contemplating gargling bleach.

                His eyes spied the yellow rectangle still on the floor, and he picked it up. This would make it all worth it even though his and Anders' hearts were broken into a million pieces. He opened it up, shaking out the contents into his hand, a folded sheet of white paper falling out wrapped around what felt like photos. He opened up the paper, scrawled words reading: Tell anyone what happened, and he'll be next. Douglas let out a choked sob when he flipped over the pictures. They were of Anders taken from a distance; one of him and Douglas kissing in front of his house, another in front of his clinic, and other various locations and situations.

                Douglas fell back against the wall, his head bouncing off it where he now seemed to have a knot and he slid to the floor with a thump and a wince when he's backside hit the hard marble. He looked at the pictures and the note again through tears. There were only four people left in this world he would die for, the Coterie already having claimed two and in an effort to protect one he had offered himself and lost another while the bastards still threatened them. They must have known he wouldn't betray his brother, even if it was to protect him.

                He thought he heard something in his dazed state, but he wasn't sure, someone talking or something. There was a pounding this time on his office door, "Douglas! It's Fellon, open up!" He ignored the demand, looking back at the pictures in his hand. The wall he was leaning against shook when there was another loud bang, "Damnit, Dougie, open the damned door, NOW!"

                He hated when Fellon called him that, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with him right now, but he also knew a locked door wouldn't keep him or any of his friends away for long. Within a minute there was some walking around in the office, and he looked at the note and pictures. He crumpled the sheet of paper, throwing it in the toilet and flushing it. Douglas was still trying to shove the photos in his pocket when Fellon's voice came through the door, "You two have a lovers'.... quarrel?"

                The last word dragged out as the partially ajar door opened wider, and Fellon noticed him sitting on the floor, knees drawn to his chest, but finally getting the pictures in his pocket. He kept his bruised cheek turned away, an arm across his bruised ribs and his still crying gaze directed to the floor. "Douglas, what happened?"

                The first question was ignored, but he answered, "Nothing," to the second.

                "And I'm Commissioner Stannard. Why'd Anders fly down the stairs earlier, looking like somebody just fed his cat to Ares?" Fellon took a few steps into the small room.

                Douglas still averted his gaze, trying to hide the bruise from Fellon. "I always thought she was a homicidal maniac," he supplied, again trying to deflect the conversation.

                "Well, she wouldn't look half as good in these jeans, and I told her so." Fellon kept his distance, but squatted down where he stood, bringing himself down to Douglas' level, "Now, what the hell happened?"

                Douglas huffed a half-hearted laugh at the unexpected joke, his eyes moving and looking at Fellon for a moment before redirecting to the floor. He shifted trying to make himself more comfortable, wincing in pain, but shrugged, saying, "I did something he didn't like."

                Fellon's light brows drew together, in a tone mostly filled with confusion but also containing a small hint of concern, "Douglas?" He leaned slightly as if trying to see the other side of his face, but it turned further away still. Fellon inched forward, reaching out for his shoulder.

                Douglas pulled away from the approaching hand with a cringe. "Don't."

                Fellon froze, his hand hovering halfway to its destination and his eyebrow arched to his hairline. "...Alright. I can tell when I'm not wanted." He cursed under his breath as he stood back up, "But I am going to find out what happened, Douglas. And if I find out that little blond bitch has anything to do with this...”

                Douglas’ eyes opened wider with shock, how did he know about her already? His mind started to race in panic as he tried to figure out how to talk his way out this before something happened to Anders.

                Fellon gestured at Douglas pointedly where he was huddling on the bathroom floor, "...he really will be the woman in the relationship," and with that, Fellon turned on his heel and stalked out.

                It took a minute for the last part of what Fellon said to register in his panicked thoughts; Fellon thought Anders did this. "Oh God." Douglas' stomach tried to throw up again even though it was empty, racking his body with pain from his heaving stomach and bruised ribs. Once again, Anders was in danger because of him, and he started sobbing uncontrollably.

                Isabela entered the bathroom a few minutes later, "Babe?" her voice already concerned, and he turned to look at her without a thought in his numb mind. "Babe!" Isabela exclaimed as she saw his face.

                She knelt down beside him, and he leaned away slightly from her. "Did Anders do that?" Douglas shook his head roughly in denial, unable to actually answer through his crying. Her tone was still unbelieving, but she said, "Okay."

                Douglas dropped his hands to the floor and hung his head, jumping away in pain when a hand gingerly touched his ribs. "Oh, babe, what happened?" He continued to sob as he realized he couldn't even tell Isabela the truth; he told her everything. She ran her fingers through his dark hair, trying to comfort him, and he winced when they brushed one of the knots. Pulling her hand away, she called in shock, "Fellon!"

                He looked at her, shaking his head in fear, "No!"

                It was too late, Fellon must have been waiting in the office, and Douglas' eyes met his. Fellon's bright blue eyes narrowed in rage at the large bruise, "I'm going to fucking kill that little bitch!"

                Isabela shook her head at Fellon, "Anders didn't do this; he wouldn't of had the time." Douglas let her lift his arm to show his brother his bruised ribs, "He has a knot," running her hand across the side of his hair soothingly but shaking her head in dismay when she found another, "knots on his head, too."

                Douglas looked at the floor, mumbling, "I want to go home."

                Fellon answered, "Not until you tell me who the hell did this!"

                Douglas didn't reply, his body trembling in exhaustion, fear, pain and sorrow. Isabela said, "It's alright; I'll take you home." Picking up the discarded shirt, she was amazed to find it ruined before lowering it. "Fellon, go get him a shirt and his shoes."

                Fellon looked like he was about to object, but after the look Isabela gave him, he turned and left the room. Within a couple of minutes, he returned with the items requested. Douglas had completely shut down by this point, and she put on his socks and shoes for him. They helped him to his feet, and Fellon was about to start helping him on with his shirt when he noticed the fingerprint shaped bruises on the back of Douglas' neck. Fellon's eyes trailed lower to discover partially revealed fingerprints on Douglas' hips. He slipped the shirt over his brothers' arms, Isabela buttoning it up. Distracted by his own thoughts, he went to tuck in the shirt like his brother always wore it until Douglas started to shake violently, and he stopped. Isabela looked at Fellon over Douglas' shoulder having also noticed the other bruises, "Maybe we should take him to the hospital."

                Douglas snapped back, "NO! I want to go home."

                "Babe, we really should... "

                "God dammit, Isabela, I said I wanted to go home!" Douglas screamed at the top of his lungs, echoing in the small tiled room.

                Her eyes were wide in shock and concern for him, but she nodded saying reassuringly, "Alright, babe." She turned to Fellon, "I'll take him home. Have the car pulled around to the back, and then you stay here and take care of the club.” They both knew what she really meant, stay here and figure out what the hell happened, also knowing there was a better chance of Douglas opening up to just her.

                Isabela and Douglas waited a few minutes after Fellon left and walked back through the office, Douglas having an absurd thought of needing to straighten his desk as he finally noticed the state the evening's activities had put it in. He looked away in shame, and Isabela lead him out the back entrance to the waiting car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: If you MUST know what happened, I have[posted it](http://douglaslovesanders.tumblr.com/post/161463232213/what-happened), lightly edited due to the graphic nature that even I don't want to read.  The only reason it was was so it could get the fuck out of my head.  **VIOLENT AND DISTURBING!**_!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter: Sisters and Calls
> 
> ***THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE.***
> 
> Thanks for reading!

                Douglas tried to call Anders once on the way home and several times on Sunday when he could force himself to stay awake. A message was always left, begging for a call back and saying he loved him. Sunday night, Douglas snuck down stairs, grabbed another bottle of alcohol and returned to his room, placing it next to the two empty ones and silently cursing his high metabolism and tolerance. He picked up the phone and lay back down as it started to ring.

                “Hello, Brother.”

                Douglas smiled slightly at the salutation, trying to keep his voice cheery, “Hi, Bethany.”

                “What’s wrong?”

                Of course he had failed, she could always read him. “Nothing, I’m just missing my baby sister. How are you?”

                “I’m good. How are you and Anders?”

                Douglas swallowed, “We’re fine. How is school going?” rapidly changing the subject.

                “It’s going really well.” She went on, telling him about the things she had been learning at the hospital in her last year of residency. Douglas listened to her with his eyes closed for several minutes until they popped back open when she asked, “So, how was the Halloween party last night?” When he didn’t answer right away, she asked, “Douglas?”

                “Oh, you know; same as always.”

                “I know how you look forward to it every year. Halloween was always your favorite holiday.”

                Douglas forced a laugh, “Yup, you missed it.” He wouldn’t be looking forward to it anymore. “So, will you be coming home for the holidays? We’ve missed you the last couple of years.”

                There was a pause on the other end, Bethany voice coming back with uncertainty, “I’m not sure yet, the schedule hasn’t been posted.”

                “Well, at least this is your last year. Then you’ll be home for good.”

                “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…”

                Douglas’ heart slammed in his chest. “You are coming back, aren’t you?” unable to keep the sadness and fear out of his voice.

                “I’m not sure yet. I’ve been looking into other areas where my services would be more need.”

                Douglas wanted to scream, _damn doctors and their compulsive need to do good_ ; he wanted his sister with him. “Kirkwall needs pediatricians, Bethany.”

                “Not as much as other places, Douglas.”

                Douglas was about to start crying again. “Alright, well, I have kept you on the phone long enough,” his voice was shaking.

                “Douglas…”

                He kept going, “I’ll talk to you later. I love you. Bye,” He hung up, throwing his phone across the room with a loud crash against the wall.

                A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. He rolled away, his back to it before it opened. “Babe? Are you alright?”

                “Fine.”

                Isabela entered the room, and after several seconds, he saw her enter his line of sight as she walked over and picked up the broken phone. She walked over in front of him, asking worriedly, “Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

                “No.”

                She nodded, grabbing the empty bottles. “Well, let me know if you do.” He didn’t answer, and she studied him a few more seconds before she left him alone again, closing the door behind her.

                Douglas drank himself asleep again, waking up to find a new phone waiting for him on his nightstand the next morning thanks to Fellon. He picked it up and called Anders, but of course, was ignored.

 

* * *

 

                Thursday evening rolled around, and Douglas called Anders fairly certain he would be home. After a few rings, he was getting ready to leave another message when instead of the normal recording he heard, “Stop calling me.”

                “Anders!”

                “Don’t call me anymore, Douglas. There is nothing you have to say that I will ever want to hear, so just stop.”

                Anders sounded so sad on the other end, and Douglas swallowed, trying not to be sick at the thought of why. “Please, just listen…”

                “NO! I don’t need to listen, I saw it! There is no talking your way out of this one, Douglas.”

                “But…”

                “Shut up! Nate was right about you! He warned me you were just going to break my heart, but I listened to the wrong person. I believed you when you said you loved me.”

                “I do!”

                “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did! Did I show you what you were missing out on for eleven years, and I wasn’t good enough to satisfy your needs? Or was that just another lie I stupidly believed?”

                “Anders…”

                “Shut up, Douglas. I don’t care. Just don’t call me anymore,” and Anders hung up.

                Douglas desperately tried to call him back several times, but after the first return call, it went straight to voicemail. The only thing he could do was sob into the phone, so he hung up without leaving any messages.

                He did try calling back over the next few days, his messages getting more desperate and incoherent as he drank himself into a stupor that he never allowed himself to come out of. Finally, a week after the Halloween party, he sat on the side of his bed to make a phone call he had never in his life wanted to and it made him instantly sober. He got the required number and pulled out the pictures from under his pillow to remind himself why he was doing this. He took a deep breath and dialed the number.

                After a couple of rings, it was answered, “Howe.”

                “You need to keep an eye on Anders. He isn’t safe.”

                “Who is this?”

                “The Coterie is making threats against him. Promise me you’ll watch out for him.”

                “Hawke? Is that you? I’m not going to promise you anything, you fucking bastard! Anders won’t tell me what you did, but I know you did something!”

                “Mr. Howe, are you listening to me? The Coterie has made a threat against him.”

                “They wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you!”

                “I know.” Nathaniel seemed to be stunned for a second at the admission. “Just do us both a favor and keep him safe.”

                “I’ll keep him safe, but not for you.”

                “Fine with me,” and Douglas hung up, falling back on his side into the pillows and crying while staring at the pictures in his hands.

 

* * *

 

                A couple weeks passed, and Douglas still hadn’t left his bed, eating very little and did nothing but drink and sleep. He still hadn’t said a word to anyone about what had happened, barely anything at all, and Fellon was visibly starting to get frustrated with him. Everyone they knew had tried their hand at snapping him out of it, but they all failed. Douglas had stopped calling Anders after he talked to Nathaniel, but he had called Bethany a couple of times just to hear her voice but hadn’t talked to her in several days.

                There was a soft knock on the door, and of course it was ignored, just like they always were. Not that that stopped anyone from entering. This time though, there was another knock. “Go away,” he groaned. The door opened, but he ignored that too. No one in this house could ever take a hint. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to eat, he just wanted to lay here and forget any of this ever happened. “Douglas?”

                Douglas rolled over to look at the door. “Bethany? What are you doing here?”

                Shocked sadness was clearly displayed on her face, and he had no doubt he looked as bad as he felt. “Fellon was worried about you, everyone is. He asked me to come.”

                “Don’t you have school?”

                She came and sat down beside him on the bed. “I took time off. You are more important right now, Brother.”

                Douglas started crying, sitting up to hug her. “I missed you so much.”

                She hugged him back tightly, feeling the loss of weight and muscle tone against her arms, her frown increasing. There had only been one other time in her life when her brother was this skinny, and before that, he had always spent all his time outdoors, playing every sport he possibly could. She sincerely hoped he would snap out of this faster than he had the last time. “I missed you, too.” She pulled back, looking at him, “I heard about Anders. Why didn’t you tell me?”

                “I don’t want to talk about it.”

                “I’m sorry, Brother. I’m sure you miss him.”

                “I said I don’t want to talk about.”

                She softened even through the denials. “Alright. I’ll stop talking about it if you promise to eat something.”

                He looked at her; she always knew how to win one way another. He knew her well enough to know he wouldn’t be able to talk himself out of both. “Fine.”

                “I’ll be right back.”

                She left the room, returning about ten minutes later with a tray full of food. Douglas raised an eyebrow at her. “I don’t have to eat all of that, do I?”

                She smiled. “No. I just forgot to ask what you wanted before I left.”

                Douglas nodded. It didn’t matter; he didn’t have an appetite anyway to know what he would have wanted. The tray was placed on his lap, and he looked at it, feeling queasy. He looked up to her raised eyebrow. He sighed, no matter which option he choose, they would most likely have the same results and started eating in relieved silence.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worry and Options

                The den was filled with frowning faces, trying to decide what they are going to do about Douglas, four chairs filled with six bodies.  After Bethany's arrival, Douglas had started eating more than he had been, but that was the only success she had, even she couldn't get him to talk.  Fellon was sitting in one of the comfortable recliners, Isabela draped across his lap, resting her head against his broad muscled shoulder.  Her fingers were absently running over the fabric of his shirt, lightly toying with the ring through his left nipple hidden beneath.  Fellon placed his hand over hers and with a faint sigh, asked, "So, what are our options?"                 Varric said from beneath Bianca, "Hard to know what to do when he won't talk to anyone.  Even the big guns failed." He turned to Bethany, "We thought for sure you were going to work, Sunshine. If he won't utter anything to us and is refusing any other help, what can we do?"

                The room was silent again for a moment, Fellon's fingers idly tapping against Isabela's on his chest.  The couple shared a look, and Fellon's scar twitched.  "...Has anyone else tried contacting the bimb...er... Anders?" he acted as if Isabela had pulled a gun on him to get him to ask it out loud.

                Bianca responded sadly, "I tried calling a few times, but he won't answer or call back."  The two became somewhat close as the two chattier members of the group, and Bianca was most likely to be left behind with Anders if something came up.

                "Fuck."  Fellon roared like a caged tiger, his head falling back against the recliner cushions.  "Nobody knows shit, and the one that does, won't say shit...  There's no help for it then.  Dammit..."

                Bethany asked, "What do we know?  Something had to have started all this."

                Bianca answered first, "Something happened at the Halloween party. Douglas disappeared for a long time, and Anders went to check on him and came back through shortly after in tears, bolting for the door.  Fellon went to check on him a bit after that."

                Fellon didn't lift his head, closing his eyes as he felt the beginnings of a headache starting to form. "All I got out of Douglas was that he did something Anders didn't like." He slid his eyes open half-way and glanced at Isabela. "Iz and I have a guess as to what might have happened... but that's it.  To get to the bottom of this mess, we either need to get Douglas to open his trap, which isn't happening... or find out what happened through Anders."

                Bethany half laughed in complete disbelief and half roared her own impressive growl in anger, "He's been like this for almost a month, and no one told me?"

                "You've got a medical degree to worry about. You can't be worrying or rushing off from school because your brother lost his new toy," Fellon grumbled.  Then, he gave a heavy sigh. "I called you because nothing else was getting through to him. I thought you'd be able to... he likes you better."

                Bethany's eyes narrowed slightly. "Well, if it says anything about his new _toy,_ the last time I saw Douglas like this it was over you, Fellon."

                Fellon finally lifted his head, pinning Bethany with a curious look. "Over me?"

                "Of course, did you honestly think our parents could send you away, and he would be completely fine?  Father finally started to come around after all Douglas' nightmares, begging to bring you back, and insisting the accident was all his fault."

                Fellon gave a cold laugh. "We thinking of the same man? Father never visited me, and Douglas sure as hell wouldn't take the blame for something I did."

                Bethany seemed confused, "Father visited you several times, but Mother wouldn't let Douglas go with him.  He always came home saying you didn't want to see him, or you were off doing something where he couldn't see you.  And Douglas said he fell on top of the knife after he cut you with it."

                Fellon leveled an icy glare toward Bethany before standing up so abruptly Isabela nearly thudded to the floor, saving herself only with her quick reflexes. "Now isn't the best time for joking, little sister," Fellon growled, heading for the liquor cabinet and pulling out one of the few bottles of whiskey Douglas had left behind this past month, pouring himself a double and downing it without a blink.

                "Do I look like I am joking to you, big brother?  And why would I over something like that?  What else were we supposed to believe when you never answered any of our letters?"

                Fellon stood still for long moment before foregoing his glass and taking a long draw directly from the whiskey bottle. "I got exactly two letters from home. Both from you. I never heard how your first dance went, by the way. I wrote every other day like clockwork... until it was made clear that no one was writing back."

                "Douglas wrote you every day the first year, and at least once a week throughout the rest of high school. Father when he had the chance. I wrote you about once a week myself." She looked at him tilting her head, thinking a minute, "There were two letters where we didn't have stamps in the house, and I went to the post office to mail them myself."

                Fellon regarded the whiskey bottle in his hand. He knew Bethany was telling the truth; she simply didn't have it in her to make up cruel lies. "...What's past is past. No point dwelling on it now. We're off-topic."

                "You _really_ didn't get them, did you?"

                Fellon slammed the whiskey bottle down on the cabinet top, harshly enough to make liquid slosh out of it.  "No, I never got any fucking letters, and I spent four years thinking I'd killed my own brother! Four years thinking what a brilliant fucking 'protector' I turned out to be and how damned _PROUD_ Dad must have been. No fucking wonder he decided to send me to _THAT_ place..."

                "The reports that were sent home said you were doing well, and you liked it there.  It always broke Douglas' heart to think you would rather be there without him. The only difference between now and then is that he wasn't drunk, so let's just pray like hell it doesn't take him four years to snap out of it this time."

                "...That I _LIKED_ it there?" Fellon made a sound, something like a choked giggle with a bit of hysteria mixed in.  It was not a pleasant sound, especially coming from angry, untouchable Fellon. "Right..." He raked a hand through his gelled hair, sending his carefully arranged spikes into uncharacteristic disarray. "Like I said... off-topic..."

                Bethany stared at Fellon a moment, but shook her head.  Best to deal with one brother at a time, and she couldn’t handle Fellon on her own.   "He partially came around when he met Isabela, but the only thing that brought him back to himself was seeing you again.  If Anders left in tears and is refusing to talk, I am out of options."

                "....Douglas needs to see Anders, then. Doesn't seem to be any alternative."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shocks and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Triggers for some people.  
> Thanks for reading.

                The phone rang, and Douglas glanced at it out of habit before hurriedly snatching it off the nightstand and answering it, “Anders!”

                “I was just callin' to inform you your little bitch showed up at my clinic today wantin' a pregnancy test,” Anders said with venom dripping from every word. “I would say congratulations, but a fuck you seems more appropriate.  Next time, pay for the mother of your child to actually see a doctor.”

                “Wait…”  Anders could not have said what he thought he just said; he had to be having a drunken nightmare, “…what?”

                “She hasn’t told you yet?  Well, sorry to ruin the surprise. She seemed completely excited about it in her own sick, twisted way. I’m sure you are, too.”

                Douglas felt sick, “She’s… _pregnant_?”

                “Am I fucking stutterin'?  Yes, I did the test myself. I had to know, but I guess it’s true when they say curiosity killed the cat.  Goodbye, Douglas.”

                Douglas was stunned for a moment before shouting at the phone, “No! Wait!” but it was too late, Anders had already hung up.  He started shaking, taking the phone away from his ear, and staring at it for a few minutes in shock before it dropped to the floor as he ran to the bathroom to throw up everything he had consumed in the last month.

                He came back out in need of his sister and apparently another bottle since the ones on his nightstand were empty. Casting a glance in her room and finding it also empty, Douglas headed downstairs, shocked and numb from his recent news.  There seemed to be voices coming from the den.  Bethany was probably in there, which was good because then he only had to go one place, because the liquor cabinet was there, too.  He still felt sick to his stomach, but he needed his head to shut up a lot more.

                Fellon looked Douglas up and down after he entered the doorway, sneering faintly. “Well, it _is_ alive. I was about to call the coroner, Dougie.”

                Douglas cast a glance around the room.  Everyone was here and probably gossiping about him since all eyes were now on him and the room was silent.  All he wanted to do now was get the hell out of there, but Fellon was standing in front of the liquor cabinet. Douglas snarled, “Move.”

                “I don’t think so, baby brother,” Fellon growled right back, surprised at Douglas’ aggression but hardly intimidated. “You already smell like a brewery. When was the last time you took a shower? No one in the world is worth getting this fucked up over, especially not that little blond shit. Pull your head out of his ass and move on.”

                Dusting off ancient football knowledge, Douglas launched himself across the room, throwing his full weight at his brother and knocking them both to the floor. The attack caught Fellon completely off-guard, and they hit the floor hard enough to knock the breath out of his lungs. Acting on pure instinct, Fellon grappled with Douglas, rolling the slightly smaller man beneath him, one hand pinning him down while he automatically raised a fist to fight back.  Douglas focused on him for a split second before the look in his eyes became distant, and he started to scream in panic and fear, calling out for his mother.  His screams were unrelenting as he relived the old fight between the two brothers that sent him to the hospital and Fellon to military school.

                Fellon’s eyes shot wide open at the sudden surge of panic.  He hurriedly shifted off his brother and tried to get him to calm down. “Douglas!  It’s alright now!  I’m sorry, ok?  I’m sorry I got angry! Damn it, snap out of it!” He tried shaking Douglas’ shoulders, but that only seemed to make things worse.  Fellon shot half-angry/half-panicked glares to the benumbed audience. “A bit of help would be appreciated!”

                Bethany jumped up out of her shocked state, moving to her brothers’ sides and yelling, “I _know_ someone has something in the house that would calm him down. Go get it. _Now_!”  Varric quickly left the room after everyone looked around shocked Bethany seemed to have more knowledge about their activities than they thought.

                Fellon blinked toward Bethany, for a moment, too stunned to do anything else. “Bethany… I-” He shook his head, clenching his jaw hard enough to make the scar on his cheek twitch. “We thought it best if we didn’t tell you a few things.”

                “I know. My big brothers always tried to protect me, but who was protecting them?” She shook her head in dismay, leaning close to Douglas’ ear and clutching his hand. “Brother, it’s all right. Please calm down.”

                Douglas screamed, “He didn’t do anything!  I fell, I swear!  Please bring him back, he didn’t do it! Send me away; I pulled the knife on him!  I cut his face.  I deserved this; it’s all my fault!”

                 “We know it was an accident. Fellon is here, and he isn’t going anywhere this time.”

                “Please don’t send him away, I _NEED_ him!”

                “No one is sending him away, Brother.  We aren’t in the hospital anymore; we are at the estate, remember?”  Douglas continued to scream at his phantom parents, and Bethany pulled back, a grim expression on her face. “I really wished I wouldn’t have to do this again.” She slapped her brother hard across the cheek.  He almost instantly stopped screaming. “Douglas, do you know where you are?”  He stared blankly at her, “We’re at the estate remember?”

                His eyes became more focused and finally shifted between his two siblings.  From the expression on Bethany’s face and the sting in his cheek, he realized what happened, and with tears still rolling down his cheeks, he looked embarrassedly at the ceiling.  He wasn’t a child anymore, this shouldn’t have happened.  Remembering why he was on the floor, he looked angrily at his brother, scrambling to his feet and smashing himself upside the wall.  Almost twenty years later, he was still terrified of his brother and his still intoxicated broken mind snapped, “You ungrateful bastard!  I lost the only person who ever loved me besides our parents and Bethany because of you!”

                “Me? What the fuck are you talking about?”

                “You have no idea what I have had to do to protect your ass from going to prison!” 

                Fellon was stunned for a few moments before his eyes flashed angrily. “No one has ever asked you to protect me, so I don’t want to hear bullshit like that!”

                “You already paid for my crime. I was trying to return the favor!”

                “It wasn’t your crime, dammit! I lost my temper, and you almost died because of it!”

                “I almost died because I pulled a knife on my brother!”

                “Yeah, but only because I-” Fellon cut himself off with a frustrated noise. “Hell, we could go back and forth like this all night…”

                “You’re right. It doesn’t matter; I’ve already lost everything anyway.  At least you still have Isabela. I should go turn myself in and just get this all over with.”

                “What are you talking about? You haven’t lost everything, and turning yourself in is just ridiculous.”

                “I lost Anders, my dignity, my lunch repeatedly and my freedom since I am apparently about to be a father and all because you killed Lilley!”

                “You need to….wait. What? Since I killed Lilley? What the hell?”

                Varric had returned by this point, pressing a vial into Bethany’s stunned hand, but she couldn’t take her eyes of Douglas just like the rest of the room.  Douglas continued, “Yes, and they found me standing over the body, and when they found your DNA, naturally the cops thought it was me!”

                Fellon frowned deeply. “You… you think I killed Lilley?”

                “You were supposed to meet her, and I thought you were in trouble.  When I showed up, you were gone, and she was dead.”

                “Lilley attacked me. I defended and got cut up before getting the hell out of there.  She was alive when I left.”

                Douglas looked confused, “You didn’t kill Lilley?”

                “No.”

                He started giggling hysterically. “You didn’t kill Lilley!  Of course you didn’t kill Lilley, because that would mean everything I did would have actually had a purpose.”

                Fellon glanced toward Douglas before shifting his eyes downward. “…I heard you went looking for me…and then found out Lilley was killed. I always thought that you…”

                It took several seconds for Douglas’ drunken mind to realize what he was trying to say, “Me? You thought I killed Lilley?”

                “Obviously, we were both wrong.  If you didn’t, then…” Fellon’s voice trailed off, and a look of complete confusion crossed his face. “Screw Lilley. Did I hear you say you were going to be a father?”

                “HA! Ya, it would seem the bitch I was forced to sleep with when I thought I was saving your ass from prison is pregnant!” Douglas started laughing although he looked like he was going to throw up. “Better still, Anders was the one who told me since she went to his clinic for the pregnancy test!”

                “You… what?”

                “Yup. Pregnant. Figures.”

                “Before that. What’s this about a bitch you were forced to sleep with?”

                “Oh, the Coterie told me they had evidence you killed Lilley, and I could get it if I slept with the bitch, which wasn’t going to happen, so she brought in her friend.”  Douglas grimaced, “You know because I am obviously into guys…”  Fellon didn’t say anything else, letting Douglas talk, but he steadily grew paler beneath his tan with each word while Douglas looked like he was about to be sick any second, and sank to the floor against the wall.  “Then after Anders caught us and they were done with me, all I got was a threat towards Anders.”

                “Anders…caught you?”

                “Yup, her at the front, him at the back, and they made sure I ‘enjoyed’ myself.”

                Fellon was silent as he slowly rose to his feet, his expression completely unreadable as he went back to the liquor cabinet and retrieved the whiskey bottle. Without ceremony, he raised the bottle to his lips and threw back his head, taking several long swallows. “Well. Now we know what happened.”

                “Yup. Now you,” Douglas brow furrowed, speaking quietly and slowly all the sudden, “know what happened…”

                Bethany glanced at the bottle in her hand, a sedative. “I need to go do some research on this.”

                Bianca adding, “I’ll go with you, in case you have any questions.” The two women left the room, barely noticed by Douglas. 

                Varric cleared his throat, and Douglas obviously distracted at the moment moved closer to Fellon with a head jerk to Isabela and Fenris to leave them alone.  Varric tried to keep his voice low, he was already not comfortable with the man he was about to talk to, but what he was about to say was not going to go over well.  “Fellon… I uh- had heard some… rumblings in the Underground.”

                Fellon had heard the group dispersing and glanced over his shoulder briefly to catch Isabela’s eye.  She gave him a faint smile before she and Fenris left the room. “What sort of rumblings, Varric?”

                “The Coterie claims they have evidence of Hawke having _intimate_ dealings with them.  Nothing concrete came across my desk, and I think we all could see how serious he was with Anders.  I knew he wouldn’t go that route to deal with anyone, so I ignored it, but his reputation seems to be fanning the rumors.”

                “…Perfect.”

                Douglas looked around the room and noticed the only two left within seemed to be distracted, so he slipped out the door and back upstairs.  He made a detour to Fellon’s nightstand before heading back to his room and locking the door, sitting down on the edge of the bed with his back to the door.  The pictures were retrieved from underneath a pillow, Douglas lightly running a finger across the man captured on the photo paper silently, wishing there had been time to explain to Anders why he had broken his heart.  Douglas thought about writing him a note but was afraid it would end up in the wrong hands and still leave Anders in danger, hopefully someone would explain it to him and why he had to do this now.

                Douglas picked up his brother’s pistol, looking it over with regret of having to use it, but his had been taken; he knew how Fellon prized his weapons.  _I’m sorry, Fellon._    He couldn’t even tell his siblings and everyone else how much they meant to him one last time, they would catch on, especially Fellon.  He heartbreakingly couldn’t remember the last time he told his brother he loved him.

                There was a frantic pounding on the door accompanied by almost panicked yelling “Douglas! Open the door!” Of course Fellon would know, but Douglas couldn’t answer, not even able to say out loud _I love you brother.  Tell Bethany I’m sorry, and I love her too._

                The door shook violently, “ _DOUGLAS_!  Whatever the fuck you’re thinking of doing… _DON’T_!” but Douglas ignored him and switched off the safety of the pistol bringing it to the side of his head.  There was a loud crash behind him as the door frame splintered and the door tore free of the latch, swinging inward with enough force to slam against the wall and knock pictures to the floor.   Fellon let out a panicked cry finding his gun to Douglas’ head, and he launched himself at his brother, trying to take him down before he could pull the trigger but the gun went off anyway.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood and Passing Out

                 The sound of the shot rang throughout the house, and footsteps started thundering throughout the estate and up the stairs.  Everyone froze just inside the broken door frame in complete shock, the women all letting out their own cries of distress, the men muted cursing.  Douglas and Fellon were now on the floor in Douglas' room, a smoking gun in Douglas' hand.  Fellon, with a hand over his scarred cheek, blood covering his fingers and colorful curses coming from his mouth.  "You fucking, jackass!  AGAIN?!?  In the fucking FACE??  Really!  Sonofafucking...."

                Douglas shouted back, "If you would stop tackling me, this wouldn't happen!"

                "You had a fucking gun to your head, you moron! What the fuck was I supposed to do... stand there and watch?!?"

                Douglas pushed himself up into a seated position. "You were supposed to stay out!  Not that a locked door stopped anyone in this fucking house!"

                Fellon snarled and came up off the floor toward his brother, bloodied hand flashing forward in a solid back-handed slap right across Douglas' face.  "That's because everyone in this fucking house actually cares whether you live or die, you... ass-hat!"

                Douglas’ head jerked toward the side from the force of the slap, his hand shakingly reaching up from adrenaline and shock.  Looking back at his brother, he asked sadly, "Why?  I should have died a long time ago, and you have made it quite clear you have never wanted a brother."

                Fellon slowly rose to his feet, just as shaky as his brother. "Why the hell would you even begin to think something like that?  I've never thought that way, ever."

                "You said you wished I was never born."

                Now, Fellon looked genuinely confused.  "What?  When the hell did I say that?"

                "In junior high, right before I told everyone you were my cousin."

                "... Are you joking? Of all the things I've said to you over the years, you retain some stupid crack I made when I was probably mad over something equally stupid? It was junior high for fuck's sake!"

                "Of all the things you have ever said to me, that was the worst..."  Douglas swallowed down the rest, the part about starting the whole chain of events after.  Fellon never wanted to talk about it, and Douglas was used to burying it for him; best to keep trying.

                "Douglas... I...   I never meant any of that shit. I thought you would know that.  You're my _brother_ , damnit."

                Douglas’ state made attempts at normal unsuccessful, and he lashed out, "Well, when I thought finally had my _brother_ back after four years without him, he insisted on staying just my cousin." 

                "You really think I didn't hear what you said to that girl when you first realized the name called in class really was me?  After four years of no contact at all... I thought that was what you wanted."

                Douglas racked his brain to recall what Fellon was talking about, an instant at their first day of college, and they had somehow wound up in the same class. Roll was called, and after his own, his brother’s was called.  Douglas thought it was some horrid joke at first, until he saw Fellon.  Douglas had been shocked, and the girl next to him asked if they were related.  Before he could stop it, the answer of cousin slipped.  "It just came out!  I didn't know what to say; I hadn't heard from you either."

                Fellon actually looked pained. "I wrote. All the time. I lost track of how many times I was ca- in trouble for writing you when I was supposed to be doing work."

                Douglas looked away. "I wrote you all the time, too."

                Fellon sighed heavily. "... It was Mom, wasn't it?"

                Douglas said quietly, equally as pained as Fellon, "Yes."

                "Dammit." Fellon glanced up and noticed Bethany in the broken doorway. Knowing what she'd been doing, he gave a little nod toward Douglas. "Ugh. We'll revisit this later. Right now, I want you to _listen_ , Douglas.  You're my brother.  My blood.  That's more important than anything else, and I would _NEVER_ wish for anything different.  Are we clear?"

                Douglas looked at Fellon, studying him a few moments trying to figure out if he was just trying to appease him so he wouldn't try this again or was serious.  "Yes."

                "Good. Then let's get your ass up and get some actual _rest_ , instead of a complete drunken stupor."  Fellon stood over Douglas and offered his clean hand to help Douglas stand. "By the way, where the hell is your gun that you had to steal mine?"

                "That bitch took it," he replied, taking the hand and standing up.

                Fellon nodded, "Bethany, you ready?"

                Douglas raised an eyebrow. "Ready?"

                "I told you. You're getting some rest."

                "Okay, well, hard to do that with all these people hovering in my bedroom."

                "We'll clear everyone out. Don't worry about it."  Fellon held on to Douglas' hand firmly.  Bethany, who'd slowly approached, abruptly latched on to his bare forearm, and in a matter of seconds, swiped an alcohol pad across his skin and stabbed a needle into his vein, injecting Douglas with an unknown substance.

                "What the hell?!" Douglas yelled in shock at his brother.

                "You're not exactly in your right mind right now, Douglas.  We're making sure you get some actual rest." Fellon looked toward the group. "Clear out, everybody. I'm going to get Douglas settled in."  The others slowly exited the room.  Isabela and Bethany were last to leave, slightly unsure if they should comply, but knowing Douglas would be alright with Fellon, they finally left.

                Douglas was now staring at his arm in disbelief. "Are you crazy?  What was that?"

                Fellon shrugged. "No clue. But I do know Bethany wouldn't shoot you up with anything too terribly dangerous."

                "Gee thanks." Douglas studied his arm like he was waiting for it to fall off or start swelling as big as his head.

                "We probably don't have enough time to get you a proper bath, but let's at least get some clean clothes on." Fellon pulled on Douglas' hand, leading him to sit on his bed.

                Douglas sat down on the edge, looking at his brother. "I'm sorry about your face... again," calling after his brother as he headed for the bathroom.

                "It'll heal," Fellon said dismissively.  The sound of water turning on, and muted cursing barely heard over it came back into the bedroom though.  Fellon came back with a rag and slightly clean up, but still bleeding, handing over the moistened wash cloth.  Douglas took it without a word, setting to his new task.

Rifling through Douglas' orderly dresser drawers, Fellon pulled out a fresh t-shirt and pajama bottoms.  "... I'm sorry I hit you."

                Douglas muttered through the shirt coming over his head, "I've got bigger problems than having some sense knocked into me right now."

                "I'd have to hit you harder than that to knock sense into you right now, I think." Fellon returned to the bed with clean clothes, leaving his brother's drawers in moderate disarray and threw the clothes at Douglas. "Here. Get changed."  Douglas made a face at the comment and the drawer, but complied silently, changing into the clean pajamas while Fellon watched.  "You know... I remember when these roles used to be reversed. Dad had spanked my ass for something stupid. You helped me get ready for bed... Where did things start going so wrong?"

                "About the time this hair started changing color? I don't know," Douglas answered, pointing to the hair on his head.  They had once both been light blond haired little boys, but during Douglas' preteen years it changed over while Fellon's bleached out further from the sun.

                Fellon gave a small smirk at the comment as Douglas' eyelids were starting to get droopy, and his body started to sag from the drug. "Lay your ass down before you fall down."

                Douglas started to nod but spied the pictures of Anders on the floor, and he went to retrieve them.  As he knelt down, he toppled over on his knees and rolled to seated position on the floor. "Ya, I think whatever it is is working."

                "Tch... you dork." Fellon moved to his brother, tugging one of Douglas' arms up over his shoulder and hoisting him up, flopping him back onto the bed. Once he got Douglas situated, he turned and knelt down, retrieving the pictures Douglas had been trying to get.  "Where'd you get these?"

                Douglas sighed, "That was supposedly the evidence against you.  Instead, I got those with a note saying if I told anyone, he'd be next.  I can’t let that happen."

                Fellon gave Douglas a long, measured look.  "You really do have feelings for him, don't you?"

                Douglas smiled vaguely. "I love him.  I wouldn't punch my brother in the face for someone I didn't." Douglas’ smile turned to a frown and shrugged, "Doesn't matter now."  He lay down on his side.

                Fellon regarded his brother for a few moments before walking around to the other side of the bed. Lying down, the brothers faced each other again. "You think he... cares for you?"

                "I believe he did. I doubt he does anymore."

                Fellon swallowed, not quite believing, himself, what he was about to say. "... I think he does. That's why he's so pissed off."

                "I hurt him, he won't come back. He shouldn't come back," Douglas' eyes closed.

                "You didn't do a damned thing, you hear me?"  Fellon reached across the bit of space between them and grabbed Douglas' shoulder, shaking it with a bit of force and unwittingly rousing Douglas slightly. "That Coterie slut and her little friend are the ones responsible.  The _only_ ones responsible!"

                Douglas looked at his brother again. "I didn't want to do it.  They threatened you.  They threatened him.  They had my freaking gun, but that's not what he saw."  Douglas looked ashamed. "I tried not to do _that_ , but I couldn't stop myself."

                Fellon scooted across the large bed a bit until he was close enough to rest his forehead against Douglas', a position the brothers had slept in many times as children. "It's alright, Douglas. It's going to be alright. I promise."

                "They'll kill him, won't they? He'd be useless to them any other way."  His thoughts were scattered, either because he really was losing it or because of the drugs, he couldn't tell.  He closed his eyes again. "I don't want to die; I just… don't want him to die more.  Tell me you wouldn't do the same for Isabela."

                "I wouldn't have to put my life on the line for Iz; she can take care of herself and then some." Fellon gave another little smirk, "... But I'd do it anyway. That's what people do for the ones they care about."  He could tell Douglas was fading fast. "Get some sleep, Dougie.  I'll take care of you."

                This time, Douglas smiled vaguely at the childhood name, what Fellon had always called him when they were little and before he had become too grown up to be called anything other than Douglas, or at least when he thought so.  Mostly asleep not even sure if he actually said "I love you, Big Brother," out loud or not before the drugs took their full effect.

                The words were slurred, but Fellon caught them, and lightly tapped his forehead against Douglas', giving a soft chuckle.  "You too, Little Brother."  When he was certain Douglas was well and truly asleep, Fellon rose from the bed and tucked a blanket around Douglas' sleeping form. He had some work to do.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demands and Begging

           Fellon determinedly trudged down the stairs and found the gang assembled in the kitchen. Varric and Bianca shared a seat at the kitchen table, Bethany and Isabela talked in low tones at one end of counter while Fenris nursed what looked to be coffee on the other end.  Without a word of warning, Fellon stalked across the floor, punching Fenris in the face. The smaller man wasn't expecting the attack and went sailing to the floor, coffee cup flying out of his hand and shattering against the wall. "Douglas will ultimately have the final say, Fen... but as far as I'm concerned, you're fired."

            Without waiting on a reply from his brother's bodyguard, Fellon turned away from his friend sprawled on the floor and moved to the opposite end of the counter, wrapping his arms around Isabela's waist from behind and lightly nipping at her ear.  "I need to head out for a bit. I'm leaving you two lovely ladies in charge. Bethany, try to keep him under; he's too unstable to be awake right now.  Bela, you keep this circus under control... you're best with a whip."

            Isabela smirked, and Bethany rolled her eyes though it didn't cover up her bright blush. Fellon met eyes with Varric and gave a jerk of his chin to indicate the man should follow him out. Varric was concerned he was going to be sprawled across the floor next for withholding what now seemed to have been important information.  Patting Bianca on thigh reassuringly and getting her to stand, he followed Fellon out anyway.  Once out of the kitchen, Fellon handed over a few of the pictures Douglas had kept of Anders. "Your network is almost as impressive as ours. Start digging.  Find out where these pictures came from.  Do what needs to be done."

            Varric relaxed slightly, taking the pictures from the much larger, angrier man. "You got it, Fellon.  While I’m at it, I will do some digging into the matter we discussed earlier."

            "Good. Now, I need to pay someone a visit. Don't wait up."

            "Right."

            Fellon nodded and absently ran his hands over his hair, straightening the gelled spikes into his preferred barely-arranged style, which he checked once in the mirror hanging in the foyer before grabbing the keys for his bike and his leather jacket and heading out. It was late afternoon; he'd check the clinic for Anders first. If not there, well, Fellon had done his research.

            When Fellon arrived, Anders was already gone. It didn't take much flirtation to get some of the staff to divulge Anders left after confirming a pregnancy test and had been distinctly off his game for nearly a month. While he questioned her, the cute little nurse cleaning and bandaging his cheek giggled prettily.   Fellon lingered just long enough to “properly” thank her before heading for Anders home address. Bela would forgive him this once--it was for a good cause.

            Fellon pulled his bike up to the curb outside Anders' house, idling for a moment before turning the engine off. He ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing the air-tousled spikes as he glanced around.  This definitely was not the best area of town.  Spotting a distinctly shady character, a kid barely into his teens peeking out from a side alley, Fellon smirked to himself. Getting the boy's attention, he made a show of going for his wallet while deliberately flashing the gun holster under his jacket.  "Hey, kid, make you a deal." He pulled a $100 bill from his wallet, tearing it in half. "Watch my bike while I'm gone, and you get the other half when I get back."  The kid eagerly accepted. Assured his baby would be tended to, Fellon walked up the few steps to Anders' door and knocked loudly.

            Anders was curled up on his couch, the TV on but completely ignored, with tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn't need a reminder of who the woman was that showed up, he couldn't get the images of Halloween out of his mind, but she made certain to tell him every chance she got of who the father of her baby was. Anders glanced at the pounding on the door with a frown; no one would have expected him to be home at this time.  Swiping a hand roughly across his cheeks, he got up from the couch, walking to the door and calling out, "Who is it?"

            Fellon clenched his jaw.  He'd half-hoped the blond would be stupid enough to just open the door. He should've known better; in a neighborhood like this, stupidity gets a person killed. "...Fellon Hawke. We need to talk, Anders."

            Anders had been about to open the door but stopped.  "Wow.  Even your brother wasn't stupid enough to come here. Go away."

            Fellon blinked and mentally cursed at the knowledge Anders possessed when it came to his family.  Douglas didn't know when to keep his mouth shut, especially around this guy.  "No. Now open the door."

            "No. I have nothing to say to you or your brother."

            "Well, I've got something to say to you. Open the door, or I'll do it for you."

            Anders had no doubt he would make good on the threat and opened the door, standing in the opening with his arms crossed and squinting angrily at the man in hopes Fellon wouldn't notice the redness he knew would be in his eyes.

            Fellon's scar twitched in irritation, and his new injury, almost directly across the old one, throbbed angrily. He held back a wince, converting it into a glare directed toward the blond man.  "Let me in, Anders. I won't ask twice."

            Anders continued to squint back but moved out of the way, sarcastically presenting the interior of his house with a wave of his hand.

            "Thank you," Fellon's tone was as sarcastic as Anders' gesture, moving past him and making a show of inspecting his surroundings.

            Anders closed the door. "Just tell me what you want, so you can leave."

            "...Douglas. I want you to talk to him."

            "If that's what you want, I already told you my answer. I have nothing to say to him. So, if that is all." Anders went to reopen the door.

            "Damn but you're stubborn. You ever stop to think maybe things aren't what they seem?"

            Anders’ hand stopped twisting the knob, and he whirled back around. "Seem?  I saw it with my own eyes, and to handle two men like you, a person has to be stubborn."

            Fellon's eyebrow lifted at the last of the comment. "You think you're up to the task of 'handling' me?"

            Anders frowned. "That's not what I meant.  I handled you by not lettin’ you break us up, or your attempt to kill me scare me off either."

            "Then why are you running scared, now?"

            "I'm not runnin’ anywhere; I live here. And I'm not scared."

            "I call bullshit, Doctor. If you weren't scared, you'd at least let Douglas explain himself."

            "You mean lie his way out of it.  That is what he does, isn't it? I assume that is how he got you here."

            "He didn't get me here. I came on my own. And if you really think he would lie to someone he cares about... then you're not worth my brother's te- time."

            "Which you always thought anyway, so why did you come now?"

            Fellon frowned slightly and actually averted his eyes. "Douglas. He... hasn't been the same, not since Halloween. You need to talk to him, even if it's just to tell him it's over."

            "I have said what I needed to say to him; I even talked to him today actually. He quite clearly has moved on, him and his girlfriend."

            The fury that flashed through Fellon's eyes was nearly tangible. "Douglas was practically a virgin when you two got together. You really think he'd jump the first slut he ran across at the first sign of trouble in paradise?"

            "I didn't even know we were havin’ trouble!"  Anders’ confusion only lead him to be angrier. "Did you see it? I did, and he was _clearly_ enjoyin’ himself!"

            "Did _you_ see it?  The bruises on his face and ribs?  Let me explain something... In a traumatic situation, the brain shuts down. And I am sure you know, as a man _and_ a doctor... there are certain bodily reactions that cannot be controlled."

            There was no way something like that happened to a man like Douglas Hawke, but of course his brother would believe it; Fellon didn't see what Anders did. "I saw no bruises."

            "That's because you probably walked in the door, saw _exactly_ what they wanted you to see... then ran out like your ass was on fire."

            "What they wanted me to see? Well, don't we all just have such perfect timin’..."

            "If you want the whole story, go talk to Douglas, dammit!"

            "I don't want any story! I want to be left alone! Your brother took the hint weeks ago, and now you are here after I called to 'congratulate' him.  I knew I shouldn't have fuckin’ called." The last statement was more of a curse at himself than anything else.

            Fellon paced furiously a few times, looking very much like he wanted to hit something.  He stopped, facing away from Anders and staring out a window. He was quiet for a moment before the tense set of his shoulders slumped abruptly. "Damn. ...Please. Please, go talk to him."

            "I can't."

            Fellon snarled, turning and closing the distance between Anders and himself in a few long-legged strides, slamming his palms against the door on either side of Anders' head. "My brother _needs_ you, dammit! What the hell do I have to do to get through to you?!"

            Anders jumped, his eyes wide in obvious fear and swallowed before saying quickly, "I can't.  If I go talk to him, I'll stay, and I will always wonder if he just talked me into it. We'd never be the same." After his reason fell out unhindered, Anders realized rapidly what he said in his fear, cursing himself for admitting anything to this bastard.  His eyes squinted and his jaw tightened. "So, no, I won't go talk to your brother, so he can try to fool me with his lies, and your intimidation won't work either."

            "Then what will work?"

            "Nothin’. It's over."

            There was actually a hint of desperation in Fellon's expression. His hands moved from the door to Anders' shoulders.  "...Should I beg? Would that convince you? "

            That had to be some sort of joke, and Anders stammered slightly, "No."

            Fellon closed his eyes and appeared to shrink in on himself, the intimidating aura he seemed to be constantly surrounded with evaporating away into nothing. Very slowly and deliberately, he slid down onto his knees in front of Anders, "Please. I...  I know you have absolutely no love for me, but if you ever had a scrap of feeling for my brother, I am begging you to go see him. He's been devastated without you. If it will get you to at least agree to come to the mansion, I will do anything you want. Do you understand that? _Anything_... "

            Anders looked at the man on his knees before him in complete shock. "You aren't suggesting..."

            Fellon gave a small almost sad smile, hands drifting lightly up Anders' legs to rest on his hips. He looked up at Anders with his bright blue eyes, heavy lidded in a perfect expression for the bedroom. "Do I have to repeat myself?"  His growling, angry voice had lowered to a husky, sensual tone, "I can do things for you you've only read about. Anything you ask, Anders.  Just go see him. Please..." Fellon leaned forward a bit, and pressed his mouth to a spot just above Anders' knee.

            Amber eyes conveyed their confusion. He was angry for this even being suggested, still hurting from today's news and Halloween's images still seared into his mind, but dammit if some part of him wasn't turned on by the fact the man who had tried to kill him only a few months ago was now on his knees begging for anything.

            Fellon continued to place light kisses along Anders’ upper legs, hands wandering gently from his hips to lightly caress the backs of his knees and back up, finding every sensitive spot through the fabric of his pants as if he'd been doing this for Anders for years. All the while, Fellon continued to softly plea for Anders to go talk to Douglas.

            Anders’ jagged breath caught under the obviously more experienced attentions than Douglas'. "I can't, I told you. So you... you can stop."

            Fellon swallowed and leaned forward on his knees, boldly rubbing his unmarred cheek against the front of Anders' pants. "You can. No one else is getting through to him. He's lost weight, because he refuses to eat. He's drunk more this past month than I've ever seen him drink in his life. The only time he leaves his room is to get a new bottle." Fellon's fingers ghosted just barely behind the waistband of Anders' pants, touching bare skin for the first time.  "I'm... I'm completely out of options."

            Anders bit down hard on his lip, trying to clear his head of the thoughts starting to enter his mind and looking up at the ceiling. He hadn't exactly been himself either, but this wasn't his fault. He frowned slightly at the thought of Douglas being so distraught, but focus changed when Fellon touched him.  He tried to stifle the slight moan; he really didn't want to encourage this.  Fellon's fingers ran beneath Anders' shirt, again, seeming to know exactly where to touch. Somehow, he managed to undo Anders' pants without the blond noticing, giving Fellon hints of bare skin to whisper his soft pleas against, and Anders did moan when Fellon's breath played across it. 

This was wrong, Anders knew it; this was Douglas' brother.  They hated each other, and the brothers didn't exactly seem to get along themselves. Douglas couldn't be that bad off, could he? And if so, why would they wait this long to try to get him to see Douglas? None of this was making sense and even less as Fellon’s hands touched him. 

There was a husky whisper against his skin, "You can't leave him like he is." Fellon nipped at Anders' hip bone, following teeth with a swipe of his tongue.  Anders jumped and took in deep breath in a large gulp. Fellon continued, "I know you're angry and hurt... but don't take it out on Douglas."  Fellon's hands trembled, ever so slightly, as they continued their teasing caresses beneath Anders' shirt. "...Take it out on me."

            Looking down at the man again was a mistake, but Anders' eyes betrayed him and did it anyway.  Just the sight was breaking his urge to resist, giving him a strange sense of power even though the man at his feet was playing him like a fiddle. His voice was shaking in fear and barely a whisper in lust, "Wh- wh- why would I do... do that?"  He swallowed some of his nerves, but he couldn't banish the desire, "What makes you think I even could?"

            Fellon keyed off Anders' reactions and nipped a bit harder on his other hip, closer to his groin, and Anders groaned in pure pleasure at the second bite.  Fellon slid his hands around, grazing his fingernails over the top of Anders' ass. "You want to be angry and hurt something. I'm giving that to you. Do whatever you want to me... just go see Douglas."

            "Please, just- don't...  Stop."   How did this man know how to completely undo him?  His thoughts were all over the place, and he couldn't focus on any of them.

            There was another nip at the join between Anders' hip and groin and another pass of Fellon's hands pushed Anders' pants down around his thighs, letting his member spring free. "Take what I'm offering, Anders. I won't fight you..." nails grazed over Anders' exposed thighs, and another nip was delivered, this one to the base of his shaft.

            "I'll go see him. Please..."  Anders pleaded desperately, gasping hoarsely at the latest nip cutting off his objection.  He still wanted to fight this, but the words were getting stuck in his throat.  He was beginning to believe the man on his knees had never heard the word no before, and he could see why. Fellon probably had them screaming for more before they had a thought at all to refuse.

            Fellon was centered on what he was doing, and his shoulders shook a bit.  Dragging his tongue along the underside of Anders' shaft, he breathed a soft, "Thank you," before abruptly swallowing Anders to the hilt.

            Anders shuddered as the tongue ran across him before calling out in surprise at the warm mouth around him.  He looked down again, and although the man was on his knees, Anders was the one who still felt like he was submitting to this.  Naturally a small part of him was submissive, the main reason why he had always ended up bottoming, also a side of him which had been starved while with Douglas, and the pure alpha male in front of him had every objection to this evaporating quickly.

            Fellon's mouth, teeth and tongue played along Anders' length.  Anders’ pants were down around his knees by now, and Fellon's strong fingers were dancing along his buttocks and the backs of his legs in a delicious massage.  Moans were escaping unchecked, Fellon's actions demonstrating knowledge of exactly how Anders liked to be touched even though this was their first encounter.  A thought circled in Anders' mind tangled within the pleasure, Douglas must have confided more in his brother than it would appear.  He told Fellon they were having issues Anders didn't even know about, and it would also appear their sex life was not off topic either and apparently in excruciating detail.  Fine, let the blabbing backfire, and Anders angrily stopped wanting to resist.

            Fellon seemed to sense the change in Anders' mood, sucking hard once before pulling away with an audible pop.  Staying on his knees, he slid out of his leather jacket and shoulder holster in one, smooth movement, leaving him in his faded jeans and a simple white t-shirt, which did nothing to conceal his impressive physique.  Anders studied the other man for a long moment, letting his gaze trail over the muscled shoulders and chest, the fires of lust and anger glowing in his eyes.  He reached down and brought his pants back up around his waist but left them unfastened and with one last long look at Fellon, silently walked past him and down the short hall toward his bedroom.  Taking a deep shaky breath, Fellon glanced over his shoulder in Anders' direction with heavy-lidded eyes, rising smoothly to his feet and following the other man.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ink and Scars

            Once inside his room, Anders closed his eyes, trying to banish any other thoughts from his mind.  Douglas had occasionally stopped by during the work week, never staying the night or very long at all for that matter, always claiming he couldn't sleep restfully anywhere besides his own bed, but Anders always felt Douglas was secretly embarrassed of falling for someone without money.  It wasn't the first time one of Anders' lovers had felt that way.  Anders could have money, he just chose not to, and if Douglas didn't like that, well, fine with him.  He turned to the other man who obviously felt Anders wasn't good enough for them either and raised an eyebrow, "Well?"

            Fellon looked up, a hint of surprise flickering in his blue eyes.  It was gone instantly, and Fellon gave a graceful little shrug with one muscled shoulder.  "Whatever you like.  I mean what I say.  You can do... whatever you want with me."

            Anders smirked and walked slowly toward the other man, close enough to feel his body heat seeping through the thin t-shirt.  His lips hovered close to the others, his gaze completely focused on them and avoiding eye contact. "Whatever I want, huh?" A finger trailed over the hard muscled chest and abs before moving around, and Anders took tight hold on the firm backside. Fellon slowly nodded an affirmative, grunting softly at Anders' unexpectedly strong grip but he stood passively, allowing Anders to do as he liked, as promised.

            The hand released its hold, moving lightly across the hip before trailing up across the front of the other man's pants, finally splaying across the abs.  His lips still were within a hair's breadth of touching the others when he asked, "Well, all these clothes definitely won't do then, now will they?"  Anders took a large step back, reaffixing the raised eyebrow and smirk to his expression.  He fully expected the other man to finally bolt for the front door, but Fellon shook his head with the same slow movements in answer, and his agile fingers slid his belt buckle loose, flicking open the button on his jeans. 

Waist band loosened, Fellon pulled the hem of his t-shirt free of his jeans and slowly stripped the layer of cotton up over his head.  His torso, however, was far from naked; on his left pectoral, over his heart, were three tattoos in black ink of characters in either Japanese or Chinese.  From his shoulders to halfway down his biceps was a solid covering of tattoo art.  Celtic knotwork decorated the skin along his collarbone, and it appeared the artwork continued onto his back.

            This was definitely a change of pace.  Other than the large scar on Douglas’ chest, his skin was perfectly unmarred while Nate had a single tattoo himself across his heart.  Anders’ eyes studied the artwork facing him on the living canvas, tilting his head and his gaze following the knot.  His lips faintly ticked their approval at the freshly revealed muscles and tan skin. Fellon allowed Anders time to examine his extensive artwork, kicking out of his boots and socks while the eyes were distracted before his hands moved to his jeans, slowly dragging the zipper downward. With fluid, obviously well-practiced movements, Fellon easily slid the denim down his well-muscled legs, stepping out of them gracefully and showing that for one, he did not wear undergarments, and two, he was tanned everywhere.  Anders allowed a smile to play across his lips a moment before his teeth scraped across his bottom lip.  He walked slowly back toward the now naked man, running a hand along the hard muscles of his body with an appreciative hum.  "That’s a lot better."

            Fellon closed his eyes, shivering noticeably at Anders' touch.  He didn't speak and kept his gaze carefully averted. Anders didn't notice which way the blue eyes were looking; he was trying his damnedest not to look at them himself.  They were too much like Douglas', maybe a shade darker.  He did notice the shudder, and he frowned, saying in obvious irritation, "I know...  You think I'm not good enough for you..."He turned, walking over to his nightstand drawer and plucking the bottle of lubricant out before returning and making a show of tossing it on the end of the bed making sure the other man knew it was there.

            Fellon almost snapped a retort at Anders, eyes snapping upward and mouth opening, but his attention was instantly caught by the bottle bouncing onto the bed.  His mouth closed and his eyes lowered once more, again standing passively.

            Anders stood close again, running his hands lightly up the muscled arms. "You’re arrogant enough to think he's the only one in this room that is any good with his hands and mouth, aren't you?" He used one finger, lightly running a circle over the right nipple with a finger. "You could find out..." His finger ran little light flourishes all across Fellon's chest heading south. "Or since my sex life seems to be a topic of conversation in that house, you could just ask Douglas." His hand came very close to brushing against Fellon's length before working back up and running a circle around the left with the nipple ring. "Or Isabela."

            Fellon gave a small smirk at Anders' words.  "I prefer the term 'confidant.'"  His chest and abs visibly tensed and quivered slightly under Anders' light caresses, and the man's last comment actually prompted a chuckle.  "As for Bela, she's been far too popular over the years to remember every cock she's ridden, but I am intrigued."

            Anders remained nonchalant by the obvious, but absolutely expected, insult, "Well, in that case, I suppose you'll just have to find out for yourself."

            "I suppose I will."  Taking a breath, Fellon stepped away from the door and stalked closer to the bed with careful, languid movements, eyes flicking ever so briefly, almost imperceptibly, toward the bottle of lubricant before glancing toward a still fully clothed Anders, wondering what his next move would be.

            Fellon wasn't the only one intrigued; Anders had given this man several chances to leave and yet he was still here, standing stark naked next to his bed.  Anders had to wonder why he was being so turned on by all this. Besides being obviously gorgeous, the masculinity was practically oozing from the other man, and he tried to banish the notation he was receiving a sick type of thrill of getting his ex lover back by sleeping with his brother. "I'm inclined to agree, the time for small talk is over." He walked over to stand next to the bed too. 

Fellon nodded once, offering Anders a smirk of invitation and waiting for instruction from the man in charge.  Though he kept his breathing carefully controlled, his breath rate increased marginally.

"Well, I usually do this on the bed, so unless you have something else in mind..." Anders pointed to it, "There it is."

            Fellon swallowed, and crawled up onto the bed, lips curled in a half-smile as he knelt in the middle of the mattress.  "How do you want me?" he asked in a low and husky tone.

            "Usually, my answer to a question like that would be naked and begging for mercy, but you are already naked and proven quite skillful at begging… Shall we just work on the mercy part then?  Where does that put you in that scenario?"

            Fellon's eye twitched ever so slightly.  For a moment, his surroundings faded away, and he wasn't on a soft bed in a warm, inviting bedroom.  He shook the images away, and his little half-smile was back on his face before his lapse could be noticed.  He slowly lowered himself onto his hands and knees in the middle of the bed, folding his arms and resting his head against them, leaving his ass presented like an offering.  The angle obscured the details of the intricate tattoo work that did, indeed, cover his back.

            Raising an eyebrow, Anders was a bit surprised at the positioning.  This did not seem to be a man who would be on the bottom or at least not in his experience.  He shook his head in confusion before disposing of his own clothes now that the back was turned and climbing on the bed also grabbing the bottle as he passed it.  The top of the bottle announced its opening in the small room as Anders moved up behind Fellon, and he noticed the body faintly tense up in front of him at the popping sound which only added to his confusion.  A man used to this would usually have a reaction of anticipation rather than apprehension.     

            Anders instinctively reached out a soothing hand, about to tell Fellon he did not have to do this if he really didn't want to.  To assure the other man he was just as comfortable on the bottom, and in all honesty, that was how Anders had pictured all this going, why he was honestly so turned on in the first place, but when his hand touched the upturned backside, the other man jumped.  Anders yanked back his hand, the words never coming out.

            Anders was growing more confused by the second.  His eyes finally moving away from the offered well sculpted ass to the tattoos on the man's back.  Amber eyes automatically moved to the focal point, two hawks with brilliant blue eyes positioned around each other in a yin and yang design, and he reached out to run his hand to lightly touch the one that most likely represented Douglas.  The shudder was expected this time, but the hand did not remove itself from Fellon's back, registering what the tattoos were trying to cover up.  Scars. 

The light of the setting sun shone through the bedroom window, and now that Anders knew what to look for, he discovered the scars were all over Fellon’s back just like the tattoos and the hand moved lower to unobstructed the view of the two hawks the fingers running across several more scars.  There was another smaller, almost pretty hawk, and Anders guessed it to represent their sister while the other designs seemed to be filler, or something that had some meaning to Fellon.  He was about to remove his hand when his fingers brushed scars that seemed different than lash marks, more clustered together, shorter, thinner and pointing different directions.  Anders leaned forward slightly due to their positioning to take a look, old script, carved into the lower back saying ‘BITCH’, and as he pulled away what looked to be fingernail scars on the his hips.

            Anders sat back on his heels in shock, looking at the man before him who clearly did not want to do this with what appeared to be with understandable reason, and yet there he was doing it anyway.  Why?  Anders started to go over the events of the evening, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks and instantly felt disgusted with himself.  "Fuck!" he shouted and flew off the bed, closing the bottle still in his hand and dropping it to floor like it had burned him. Grabbing up his pants and shoving himself into them with another "FUCK!" he faced the wall, not looking at Fellon, "You didn't want this at all, did you?  You thought you _had to_ do this."  Anders thought he was going to be sick without even waiting for the answer, closing his eyes.  "Why...?  Why would you do this?  I don't understand."

            Fellon listened to Anders rant for a moment before righting himself and moving to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning forward a bit and resting his forearms on his knees.  He made no move to get dressed.  "I told you I'd do this if you went to see Douglas.  You said you'd go see him.  I don't go back on my word."  He made it sound like the simplest, most logical thing in the world.

            Anders started breathing frantically, "What?" almost turning to look at the other man before snapping his eyes back to the corner.  "Are you... are you crazy?  You were going to force yourself to sleep with me just so I would go see Douglas?  I told you I would see him without this!"  Anders braced an arm against the wall and leaned his head against it.  "Just... wonderful... fucking wonderful..."

            "Apparently, what you think you were saying, and what I was hearing were two different things."  Unperturbed, Fellon rose from the bed, calmly collecting his jeans and pulling them on. He was not particularly self-conscious, but Anders was definitely disturbed by his nudity, among other things, at the moment.

            Anders still couldn't look at him although he could tell by the sounds being made the other man had at least put his pants back on.  "Apparently..."

            "I'm not entirely sure what the conflict is, though.  It was a business transaction.  Personal feelings didn't really filter into it...well, not beyond motive."

            "The conflict is I'm still in love with your brother, and apparently you love him too beyond common misconceptions... Enough to do _this_ to make sure I went to go talk to him!  Ugh." Anders sighed, "I still don't get it."

            "You're still in love with him?  Then why have you been such an asshole?  I know you're torn up over the whole Halloween clusterfuck... You've lost enough weight that even I can tell... Why let it come to this?  You should have talked to him weeks ago, before -" Fellon cut himself off, grabbing his t-shirt off the floor and angrily yanking it on. He hissed slightly when the collar snagged the bandage on his cheek, ripping it off of the fresh wound.  "Dammit...!"

            "Once again, how did this become all my fault?  Of course, I'm torn up about it, you ass! I lost the man I love!"  Anders finally looked at him, "And what the fuck happened to your face?!"  Anders let out a loud, exasperated groan. "Follow me," he demanded. Exiting the bedroom, he walked toward the kitchen where the blood wouldn't drip on the carpet and the first aid kit was.

            "I got it in a gun fight."  Fellon called after Anders' retreating back.  Fellon almost chuckled at the other man's attitude.  Almost.  Holding the torn bandage over his cheek to keep it from dripping, Fellon collected his socks and boots with his free hand and silently padded along after the doctor.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Startles and Falls

                Anders retrieved the large medical kit, plopping it down on the table.  “Why does that sound familiar?” he mused before popping open the kit and rifling through the contents.

                Fellon shrugged, depositing his footwear by the kitchen door and following Anders. Taking a seat at the table, he watched him search.  “Heard it in a movie once, maybe?”

                Anders examined the wound. “No, that’s not it,” to the comment that seemed more befitting Douglas than Fellon.  Anders raised an eyebrow at the revelation. “Douglas said it, except he said knife instead of gun.”  Anders turned back to the kit, pulling out the supplies he needed.

                Fellon arched an eyebrow before giving a sound that was something like a chuckle.  “Yeah.  He got me in the face that time, too.  It seems to be a recurring theme.”

                Anders stopped mid-tear on the alcohol pad, “Wait… Douglas shot you…?”  Anders seemed even more confused. “And that knife fight he was referring to was with you?”  Amber eyes opened wide as they started trying to make connections between what appeared to have happened, then and now.”You didn’t succeed in actually killing him this time, did you?”

                Outright rage flared in Fellon’s bright blue eyes before being blinked away.  Fellon took a deep breath.  “…  Just what exactly do you know about that?”

                “The only thing I know is the comment he made and the scar on his chest, and I can only guess after that.” Anders tore the packaging the rest of the way open, pulling out the pad and swiping it across the other man’s wound.

                “Well, to set the record str- GAH FUCK ME!”  Fellon had noticed the alcohol pad but had become distracted by the current topic of conversation.  When the pad was swiped across his cheek, he lunged back from the searing pain, unfortunately throwing his chair back onto two legs and far past its center.

                Anders couldn’t help himself and burst out laughing at the man now still seated in a chair completely on its back over a little alcohol burn. “What the hell?”

                Fellon blinked a few times, having had at least enough time to lift his head, so the brunt of falling to the floor was absorbed by his shoulders and the back of the chair.  He slowly folded his arms behind his head and crossed one leg over the other, still “sitting” in his chair.  “To set the record straight, the knife incident was a freak accident…  Do you have any whiskey?”

                “Oh, then I apologize,” Anders said, still trying to stifle his giggles and setting the stuff in his hands down before turning to his cabinets to get the requested drink.  Once poured, he turned back to Fellon with the glass. “Do you intend to drink it like that?”

                “I don’t know… rather comfortable here…  and the view is interesting.”  Fellon glanced toward Anders briefly but ultimately rolled off the up-ended chair and got to his feet, somehow making the actions smooth and graceful.

                Anders handed over the glass quickly, trying to stifle any redness from popping into his cheeks from what had seemed like something of a flirt before righting the chair for Fellon. “Let me fix your cheek.”

                “Thank you,” Fellon murmured for the drink and the offer of aid.  Then he smirked faintly.  “Just…. warn me first.”  He repositioned the chair so its back was against the table before sitting once more.

                “Was planning on it, wouldn’t want to be picking broken glass out of your ass next.”

                “I’ve heard that’s decidedly uncomfortable, so no glass would be a good thing.”  Fellon took a long drink of his whiskey, grimacing just slightly at the burn.  “Hm. Good stuff.”

                “So I’ve heard.” Anders picked up the alcohol pad again, saying with a tiny bit of sarcasm and mirth, “This may sting a little,” dabbing the wound more gingerly this time with Fellon hissing slightly before blowing on it to remove the burn. 

                When Anders blew on the wound, Fellon blinked a few times, brows arching up toward his hairline. “I’ve never been blown like that before.”

                Anders chuckled, “Sorry. I thought we were going the ‘no glass in the ass’ route.”

                Fellon gave a small laugh, and then actually looked a bit surprised that he’d laughed.  He regarded Anders for a long moment before a strange expression flitted over his face.  “…  I think I get it now.”

                Anders was looking back over the supplies he had laid out, raising an eyebrow. “Get what?”

                “You and Douglas.”

                Anders glanced at him for a split second before returning his eyes to the butterflies required. “Oh ya?”

                Fellon nodded, but didn’t say any more on the subject, instead sipping from his whiskey at a more leisurely pace than before.

                Anders picked up the first butterfly and turned his gaze back to the wound, studying it closely to determine the best placement to minimize any more scaring.  Attaching the bandage, he retrieved the second, “So, was this a freak accident too?” he asked, applying the second strip.

                The humor in Fellon’s expression faded away, leaving a deep, concerned frown furrowing his brow.  “No.”

                Anders had turned back to retrieve the antiseptic ointment for the burns but paused. “He meant to shoot you?”

                Fellon regarded Anders for a moment, as if deciding just how much should be said.  Finally, he gave a heavy sigh.  “…Earlier today Douglas had a severe panic attack.  Later on, I broke into his room and found him holding a gun to his head.  I tackled him, we fought, the gun went off, and I got a new scar.”

                Anders went pale. “Wait…  What?” He sank into chair, asking in shock, “Douglas… tried to kill himself?  Why?”

                “I’m not going to pretend to know everything my brother is thinking, and I only got the story through a series of drunken ramblings.  You want the details, ask him when you see him.  Can’t guarantee he’ll be particularly lucid and up for conversation, but well… shit happens.”

                “Shit… happens…” There was a small pause at the crass words.”Once again your depth of compassion astounds me…”  Anders almost snorted a hysterical giggle, “You don’t know everything he’s thinking?  What, you can only partially read his mind?”

                “Something like that.”  Fellon actually flashed a rare smile, and for a split second, it was like Douglas was looking up at Anders who after a stunned second out right laughed in a hysterical fit before snatching the glass from Fellon and finishing the rest of the drink.  He needed an excuse to turn away from the man at his table.  Anders walked back over to the cabinet, slowly retrieving the bottle and pouring another, all the while piecing together everything that now seemed so obvious.  He debated about drinking it himself before deciding against it.  Taking a deep breath, he returned to the table to hand the drink to Fellon.

                Fellon’s expression was caught somewhere between amusement and concern, particularly when his drink was snatched from his hand.  He shook his head at the reoffered drink, “I don’t have Douglas’ head for it.  I still have to drive back home.”  So saying, Fellon collected his boots and socks, getting them back on his feet.  “We’ve cracked down on security at the house significantly.  When are you coming over?”

                Anders sighed, placing the drink on the table.  “I don’t know. Douglas always picked me up and brought me home,” referring to his lack of a car. “Here, let me finish this really quick.”

                “Oh.  That does present a problem.”  Fellon returned to the “operating chair” to let Anders finish doctoring him up.  “Hm…  I could have the limo sent around for you.  That could work…”

                “Saturday then, I guess.”  Anders squeezed some ointment on to a swab, gingerly dabbing it to the gun injury and trying hard not to look at the man in front of him.  “You know, I am surprised I didn’t exactly notice it before.  Besides the scar, crooked nose and hair styles you two are practically photo negatives of each other.”  Why hadn’t he realized this before?  He could only guess due to the men’s natures, their expressions rarely were the same, nor did they tend to stand near each other, and everything about them was exactly opposite of the other.  No wonder it was never put together.

                Fellon’s lips twisted in a sort-of smile, leaning back while Anders worked.  “Douglas is a spitting image of Dad.”

                Anders smiled back before turning to prepare the gauze covering. “So I’ve heard. Although from what I also heard, with as hard as he had to work, I would assume he would most likely have been more tan and muscular.”

                Fellon shook his head.  “Dad was brown as a nut with arms as big around as trees.  Douglas has his hair.  Would probably have the build, too, but… all he does these days is splash around in his pool, and avoid the sun like the plague.” Fellon scoffed faintly, “Used to call him Count Dougula…”

                Anders laughed at the name but near abruptly stopped at the reminder of Halloween.  Anders swallowed, saying softly, “Well, I guess he isn’t the only one that looks like his father then, at least in some way.”  He pulled off the last two piece of tape from the roll.

                “We were blessed, I suppose.  Dad could literally stop traffic,” Fellon was being unusually chatty, likely left-over nerves and that slug of whisky on an empty stomach.  “You know the old cliché, construction workers all making cat calls and shit when a good-looking woman walks past?  Well, Dad was a construction worker that women walked past to make cat-calls at…”

                Anders laughed again before shaking his head with a smile. He inspected the wound one last time before covering it up with the gauze pad and taping it down.  “All done.”

                “Thanks, Doc,” Fellon said with a smirk.  He stood to his feet, very close to Anders, regarding his face for a long moment.  Then, he leaned in and placed a light kiss on the corner of Anders’ mouth, pulling back before Anders could react.  “Yeah, I definitely get it.”  He cleared his throat and stepped away, heading from the kitchen to the front door, where his jacket and holster still lay on the floor.  “I’ll send the car around, early Saturday, if that’s alright.  If you can come any earlier…”  He fished through the pockets in his jacket, and pulled out a card, “call this number.”

                Stunned, Anders blinked a couple times before following Fellon to the door, taking the card and his brow furrowed. “Do you think he’ll be okay?  I need to think about some things before I talk to him.”

                “I really don’t know,” Fellon frowned, shrugging on his shoulder holster and automatically checking the guns it held with swift, sure movements.  “I’ve seen him upset before but never like this.  We had to drug him, Doc. Nothing was getting through to him, not even Bethany.  We’re afraid he’ll hurt himself if he’s awake enough to do it.”  Fellon shrugged his jacket on.  “Why the hell else would I have come here, really?”

                Anders frowned, “Send the car in the morning, at least let him rest tonight.”

                Fellon nodded, “…  Thank you, Anders.”  He turned and put his hand on the doorknob before turning back, “Oh, and for the record…your and Douglas’ sex life is never a topic of discussion at home; I’d rather shove hot pokers through my ears.”

                Anders blushed, “Good to know.” The redness in his cheeks deepened, and he added, “And I’m sorry about all this. I can be pretty stubborn.”

                “Yeah, I noticed.”  Fellon nodded.  “The car should be around sometime about eight or so.”  With that, he opened the door and stepped outside.  His baby was right where he’d left it, blessedly unmolested.  He dug his wallet out as he crossed the street, handed over the second half of the $100 to his little watchman and gave over an extra $100 for a job well done.  Without looking back, he climbed onto his bike, revved the monster into roaring life and peeled off down the road.

                Anders watched Fellon ride away before shutting the door.  Picking up the phone before he forgot by getting too wrapped up in his own thoughts, he called one of his practitioners, letting her know he was taking at least the rest of the week off.  Having completed that task he went back to the kitchen, repacking the kit and putting it away, and then cleaning up the mess.  Grabbing the glass of whiskey, he took it back to living room, placing it on the end table before grabbing his notebook and pen, settling in for a long night in front of a now dark television.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doubts and Fear

            Anders had arrived at the estate still with doubts this wasn’t some sort of trick to get him to come, but when the door opened to countless tired and worn face, his own sense of dread compounded.  If he had been honest with himself, he would have seen in yesterday had he taken a moment to look at Fellon’s eyes. 

            Fellon had led him upstairs after barely more than a grunt of acknowledgement in greeting.  The vague warning giving at the door about Douglas’ state before it was pushed open from its splintered frame did nothing to prepare him.  “He’s… not good,” might have been the understatement of the century, or at least in Anders’ lifetime, as he bypassed a rising Bethany to enter the large bedroom.  Just from the back, Anders could tell the t-shirt Douglas wore hung on him instead of being filled out and the normally short hair had grown a couple of inches, the natural curl that was usually cut out taking over.  If it wasn’t for everything else, it might have been cute, but Anders finally made it around the bed.

            Douglas was out, which in of itself was odd for this time of day, but the way his body sagged, the slack of it, told another story entirely. Anders muttered a prayer or a curse, he wasn’t even sure himself, too shocked to register he had said anything at all.  The carefully trimmed goatee had devolved into a jagged mane of very short scruff. His skin, although always pale, lacked its normal glow of vitality and had grown pallid and hollowed.  Anders was glad for the closed eyes, having no doubt they probably looked as haunted as the rest of him.

            Anders almost reached out to grab a limp hand to assure himself it was not cold, to smooth the wild hair, to cry into mattress before the comatose man, but he remembered the siblings near the door and choked on the sob instead, looking up.

           “Like I said,” Fellon’s voice was unusually soft, even though he knew Douglas was too far under to hear. “Not good.” He swallowed once, glancing between his brother and the blond doctor. “I hope bringing you in isn’t too little too late.”

           Anders wanted to scream it was too late; how could they let this happen? What the fuck was wrong with them and this family that they would allow their brother to get into such a state? All he could do was stand there and tremble with rage and possibly a good amount of fear. He barely flicked his gaze toward Bethany as she explained what they had done. He looked back at the man upon the bed, unable to bear the siblings in the room a moment longer.

           Fellon opened his mouth a few times to say something, anything. Ultimately, all he could do was stand in silence as Bethany explained the current situation, and offered only a brief resistance before allowing his little sister to lead him out of the room, leaving his brother’s life in Anders’ hands.

*   *   *

            Douglas roused sometime around noon, rolling over to check who his babysitter was this time.  Seeing who it was, he rolled back, giggling, “Whatever you did to me this time, do it again. Although a tinge more would probably be good.  I’m picturing Anders, but he’s frowning at me; a smile would be nicer.”  He hummed happily at the image, snuggling back down into his bed and pillows. “He’s so beautiful when he smiles.” 

No one answered him for several seconds, and knowing he hadn’t been left alone yet, he looked back over, still seeing the blond doctor with a deep frown but also appearing thin and distraught.  Douglas brow furrowed in confusion. “Anders?”

            There wasn’t an answer, and Douglas started thinking he finally had fully lost it, flopping over on his back.  Maybe he was dreaming. He closed his eyes before reaching under the covers and pinching his own thigh; it hurt.  _Wonderful_ , _I’m seeing things now_.  “You shouldn’t have come.” Real or imaginary, the statement would still apply.

            “I’m almost inclined to agree.”

            Douglas slightly sighed in relief, so he was not completely insane and glad they had got him into a bath that morning in between the rounds of drugs.”So why are you here?”

            “I talked to your twin.”

            “Fellon asked you to come?” His still closed eyes’ brows arched in amazement.  It took a few seconds for his dazed mind to register what Anders had said, and his eyes popped back open. “…Wait…”

            “Another family secret I seem to have earned the privilege of learning.”

            “Highly.  Besides actual family, only a handful know.”

            There was silence for a minute, and when Douglas glanced at Anders for a second, he was still being watched with a frown.  Finally, the blond asked, “Why did you do it?”

            Douglas opened his mouth to say something, but only squeaked, and rolled away back to his side, swallowing hard with his heart pounding. He had wanted to explain his actions the whole time, now he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.  After it was clear an explanation wasn’t forthcoming, Anders went on, “Fellon told me what happened to his face.”

            Douglas tensed; that was not what he was expecting. Of all the things he didn’t want Anders to know, that was number one.  There was shifting on the bed, and Douglas’ heart pounded harder.  He couldn’t look at Anders, and as much as he wanted to cuddle, he wasn’t sure he could.  He about fell off the mattress when something brushed against him, but when Anders’ settled, his back was pressed against Douglas’, the blanket still in-between them.  Sighing in mild relief, they both relaxed into it.  They were silent for a few minutes, but Anders broke it with, “We don’t have to talk now. I’m not going anywhere.”

            Words were still strangling Douglas, but he did nod vaguely as if Anders could see him.  They lay like that for a long time with Douglas drifting in and out of sleep, but always surprised there was still a back pressed against his when he woke.  By mid-afternoon a thought occurred to him, and he about rolled over on top of Anders, saying panickedly, “You can’t tell _anyone_ about Fellon being my twin, especially not Nathaniel.”            

            Anders had turned his head to look at the sudden flurry of movement, finding Douglas looked desperate and scared. “I wasn’t going to tell anyone.” Douglas relaxed slightly.  “I’m not going to pretend to understand what is going on within your family, maybe it is my lack of one, but I assume there are reasons you all do what you do.”

            Douglas rolled back over on his back, staring at the ceiling. “My siblings and I learned a long time ago the only ones that were going to protect us was _us_.”

            Anders held his position, lowering his head back to his bent arm, “But your parents…”

            “They are the ones that started all of this!”  Anders remained silent. Douglas had never said anything against his parents before, possibly because they were gone.  Douglas’ voice shook slightly, “They sent Fellon away to military school over something I started.  We were fighting, and I grabbed a knife, cutting his face on accident.  I tried to run away, but he lunged at me and I fell on top of it, and they sent _him_ away.  I tried to explain, but they wouldn’t listen.  I tried to tell them something was wrong with Fellon… I could _FEEL_ it, but they ignored me and tried to cover it up with medications.” 

            Douglas couldn’t see the dawn of understanding starting to shine in Anders’ eyes and continued.  He was near blubbering at this point, “It was all Father’s idea in the first place, and instead of listening to me _,_ he believed the school that Fellon was fine, and left him there!  And Mother thought she was helping us by keeping all our letters and severing any contact between us!”  Douglas was sobbing by now. “The only one who would listen to me was Bethany.  Do you know how much my own twin hated me because of this?  _Still_ hates me?”

            “Fellon does _not_ hate you.”  A small part of Anders warred over just how true that statement might be.

            “How would you know?  He hates you, too.”

            Anders was very glad they were not looking at each other at this moment from the slight burn he felt rising in his cheeks. “Who better to know than an expert then?  He got me to come here when I wouldn’t listen, didn’t he?”

            “That is a good point.” Douglas calmed slightly. “How did he persuade you by the way?”  He almost snarled next, “He didn’t threaten you, did he?”

            “No.”

            “Sleep with you?”  Douglas chuckled through his tears at the absurdity of the thought.

            The burn in Anders’ cheeks intensified. “No,” he muttered, absolutely grateful that wasn’t a complete lie.

            “How did he then?”

            “He asked, and I _finally_ realized it had to be serious for him to do that.”

            Douglas didn’t think that sounded like Fellon, but why else would Anders be here. “I guess that makes sense.”  Douglas rolled back over on his side, pressing his back against Anders’ again and settling back into silence.  They spent the rest of the day like that, only changing position when they ate still without a word. 

            After the room had grown dark, Douglas swallowed, saying softly, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Anders.”  The blond didn’t answer, but he did tense in response.  Douglas kept going, “They threatened Fellon, and once I found out what they wanted me to do, I tried to leave, but they had my gun and threatened him again.  I did _not_ completely submit, and I did _not_ enjoy it, but I couldn’t let my brother get sent away again.  I thought… if I just got us through that one night, we could take care of it, but to keep me quiet, they threatened you with the same treatment, but I knew the end for you would not be the same.  I couldn’t let that happen.  So, I kept my mouth shut until the day you called, and I was so out of my head, I spilled my guts.  To keep you safe, I tried to kill myself, but Fellon sensed it and stopped me.  I know he isn’t going to stand idly by so…”

            Douglas spit the last part out quickly like it made him ill, “So, you should leave.  You aren’t safe here.  If they found out you came back, they _will_ come after you.  You need to stay with Nathaniel, he’ll keep you safe.”  Douglas hopped from the bed and ran to the bathroom.

            Anders heard through his shock Douglas getting sick.  After the vomiting had momentarily stopped, Anders followed him. “They really did hurt you, didn’t they?”  Douglas nodded from over the toilet. Anders sank to the cold, hard marble floor, “But I hurt you worse.”

            Douglas shook his head roughly, “No!  What you did was save yourself.  You need to do that again now.”

Anders went on like he didn’t hear him,“I should have realized you would never do something like that to me, but I had to be a stubborn ass, only seeing what I thought I saw and not really seeing anything at all.”

            Douglas lowered himself to the floor, looking at Anders. “You are being a stubborn ass now.  Listen!  You need to go!”

            “No!  I did that already, and you still tried to kill yourself.”

            “But…”

            “But nothing, I knowingly work with criminals at least once a day.  Your brother tried to kill me, and we managed after.  I’m not going to keep hurting us both over some supposed danger which I highly doubt wasn’t there from the start.”

            “I will not let you do this.  There is an actual threat now.”

            “It isn’t your decision.”

            “The _hell_ it isn’t!  This isn’t some little street thug, this is the Coterie!  You aren’t safe here with me.  They already got my parents, Anders. I won’t let that happen to you, too!”

            “So, you’ll just be alone for the rest of your life, because you’re scared?”

            “I was alone for eleven years, what’s another fifty or sixty?”

            Anders frowned. “Wow.  I’m glad to know I meant so much to you.”

            “It’s because you mean so much to me, I am ordering you to leave!”

            Anders frowned deeper and the men were silent for a minute. “Well, I highly doubt they are going to come after me here tonight.  Let’s get you back to bed.”

            Douglas sighed partly in disappointment, the other part relief Anders wasn’t listening to him. “Alright.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punches and Wails

            Fellon dug around in the fridge for a bottle of water after a gym workout, and upon retrieving one, shut the door only to immediately get punched in the face.  Anders stood in front of him, fists clenched. “You knew, didn’t you?!”

            Completely blind-sided, Fellon fell back against the counter, blinking against the flare of pain exploding through his face.  “What…  the hell?”  He focused on Anders, seeing the man’s fist still clenched and his words finally registered.  His eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”

            “Halloween!  You knew Douglas was being hurt!”

            Fellon stared at Anders for a long moment.  “….Do you _really_ think that if I _knew_ Douglas was being hurt, I would’ve let it happen?”

            “You are tellin’ me you had _no_ idea?!  You can miraculously break down a door when your brother has a gun to his head, but when that is happenin’ to him you have _no fuckin’_ clue?!”

            Fellon straightened up from the counter, tilting his head side to side, his neck cracking slightly.  “I don’t think you get how this ‘twin thing’ works, Doc. Hell, I don’t even really get it, and we’ve been dealing with it all our lives.”

            “No, I don’t get it…  Your brother seems to know when that,” pointing around the other man toward his back, “was happenin’, but he is having _that_ happen, and you are clueless.”

            Fellon froze, his expression hardening. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

            Anders looked at Fellon. “That happened when you were in military school, didn’t it?  He said he could _feel_ somethin’ was wrong with you, but your parents ignored him.”

            Fellon set his water bottle on the counter, expression clouded.  “…  It’s not like we read each other’s minds.  Douglas has always keyed off the physical, knowing when I’m hurt.  I get images of what he’s thinking and feeling, more or less.  It’s not an exact science.  I didn’t know anything was really wrong on Halloween… until shortly before you came barreling down the stairs.”

            What Fellon said started to sink in, and Anders’ shoulders slumped. “And what I did to him is worse than everything put together.”  Fellon didn’t answer, just leaned back on the counter and crossed his muscled arms over his chest, regarding Anders in silence.  Sinking on to stool, Anders muttered to himself, “Fucking stubborn ass…” He spoke up again, “Of course, he doesn’t see it that way; more I unwittingly saved myself.  He wants me to leave.”

            That caused Fellon to blink.  “He… what?”

            “He thinks I am in danger.  So, to keep me safe, he would rather I stay away from him.”

            Fellon did his by-now signature eyebrow lift.  “…He’s more mental than I originally thought.”  Fellon sighed and straightened once more, grabbing his water and twisting off the cap, taking a sip.  “It’s unfortunately been established to anyone with eyes that you and Douglas are involved.  Only the very stupid would think of actually touching you now.”

            Anders raised an eyebrow of his own, “Unfortunately?”

            “In case you didn’t notice, Douglas is _supposed_ to be the available one.  Obviously, you have issues with… sharing.  We’ll have to do some damage control on that one…”

            “Once again, your family has me clueless.”  Anders sighed, “So, you don’t think I’m in any danger?  Not that that was going to send me running for the hills, _you are_ his brother after all.”

            Fellon shook his head.  “Why do you think Douglas is the one getting all the threats?  He falls for that shit, thinks the Coterie is full of morons.  The Coterie _knows_ if they touch anyone in our circle… they may as well shoot themselves in the head, because that’ll be a hell of a lot more merciful than anything Douglas or I will do.  The management of the Coterie has changed up a few times… and each new leader is a bit smarter than the last.  Good thing…  It gets tiresome teaching the same lesson over and over.”

            “Alright, well I guess there is only one thing left to do then.”

            “And what would that be?”

            Anders stood up with a smirk. “Do what I do best, it seems.  Stubborn him into submission.”

            Fellon chuckled faintly, “I think you are more than capable of doing that.”  Fellon got a bit of a serious expression again.  “You and I have our differences… but Douglas has been happier with you than I’ve ever seen… at least since we were little kids.  That’s what counts.”

            “Good to know,” Anders said with a smile and left to return where he belonged, but turned back around, frowning at Fellon. “One more thing: Douglas thinks you hate him.  I tried to correct him, but I doubt I can fix that one.”

            “Yeah…  I know…” For a split second, a hint of sadness flickered through Fellon’s eyes.  Then it was gone, and Fellon’s usual expression was back in place.  “Can’t have it all, can we?”

            Anders shrugged, “I guess it depends on what you want.  If you want your twin back, he hasn’t gone anywhere.”

            Fellon just stared.  “…Right.  Well, this has been a fun chat.  I need to go… get cleaned up.”

            Anders blushed at the thought of Fellon cleaning up. “Right.  And I need to get back to Douglas before he wakes up and thinks I took his advice.”

            “Oh God, yes please…”  Fellon muttered with a bit of drama, a slight sparkle in his eyes as he noticed Anders’ blush.

            “Heaven forbid…”  Anders said with a chuckle and turned to leave once more, calling over his shoulder. “Sorry for punching you, I figured you would return the favor.”

            Fellon had followed after Anders and caught his arm to halt his progress, sliding up very close to him and speaking softly in his ear, “You’re fucking hot and let me suck that impressive cock of yours.  I figure… you can get one hit in for free.”  With that, Fellon backed up a step. “Now get your ass up to Douglas before he starts going crazy again.”  He slapped Anders’ backside as he spoke and slid past him out the kitchen door.

            Anders froze, watching Fellon disappear before swallowing hard and slowly making his way through the house and up the stairs, at the moment, very grateful Douglas had been asleep and they had been lying with their backs together.

 

*   *   *

 

            Anders wasn’t sure exactly how long he had been asleep, it didn’t feel like very long, and he was still exhausted.  When he had returned, Douglas was still asleep, and Anders had reclaimed his spot, eventually taken by exhaustion despite his concerns.  The room was pitch black, another good indication it couldn’t have been anything close to a decent amount of rest.  There was shaking against his back, the whole bed had a faint tremor running through it.  A small sigh was given in response to the finding; it was to be expected in the withdrawal stage. The rise and fall of the chest at his back also had increased, and Anders was surprised Douglas was actually sleeping at all to be honest, even if fitfully. 

           Settling back into the crook of his arm, he still tried to wrap his head around the idea he could have been so blind.  For the better part of the day as Douglas fought consciousness, he had to fight the images from replaying, trying to see what he should have seen but only succeeding in torturing himself to the point he wanted to be ill himself.  He had every wish Fellon would have punched him back; he deserved it.  Anders tried not to think about Fellon beyond that singular desire, he had enough to sort out without that confusion adding to it.

           Even though he was still angry at the way Douglas had deteriorated under their supervision, part of him understood why they had waited so long to bring him here.  Why would they want the man who left Douglas to suffer anywhere near him?  The man who had seen it for himself and thought the worst of the best thing that had ever happened to him.  That not only left him at the hands of his tormentors, but in part become the largest one himself.  If he had only listened…

           There was a whimper at his back, and he brought a pause to his own troubled mind.  Everything he had taken note of before had seemed to increase slightly.  It was a mild torture to know the single person who could set his mind at ease right now was the one in more dire need of the same.  The tremor graduated to more twitching and jerking, and whimper to whines and tormented moans.

           Anders rolled over completely, wrapping his arm around Douglas’ chest and pressing a hand against the ones jerking.  Anders had been close to tears all day, and the sounds coming from his former lover made it clear this wasn’t just physical dependency being displayed.  He tried not to cry himself as he brought his lips close to the other man’s ear, shushing and pleading for him to calm down while reinforcing things would be alright and he was there.

           “Don’t touch me!”

           A suddenly flurry of moment had Anders tossed back, and there was a loud thump as he was left alone in the bed.  Stunned, Anders searched the darkened room, but the sound of choked tears near it had him crawling towards the vacated side. Douglas was lying on the floor, curled slightly and shaking with sobs.  Anders hopped of the bed, kneeling beside him and without thought reached out, soothing the thick mass of dark hair at a loss.  “Douglas, it’s me…”

           “Don’t touch me!”  Douglas jerked away, slamming into the bed behind him.

           Anders’ first instinct was to pull the other man away from what sounded like a painful impact, but he managed to stop himself, sitting back on his feet.  Reaching up, the bed side lamp turned on with a snap, but Anders returned to his heels, both hands splayed on his thighs.  The other man squinted into the sudden brightness, but the tears didn’t subside.  Every instinct in Anders was telling him to soothe the other, to hold him and kiss him, but all he could do was sit there with silent tears of his own.  He offered the only thing he could, “It’s alright, love.”

           “It’s not.  It’s not alright,” Douglas shook his head.  “You can’t… you can’t touch me.”  His fists and mouth buried into the plush carpeting, repeating his last statement over and over, no longer a demand but a wail of lament.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving and Staying

            Several days had passed since Douglas’ break down on the floor.  There had been fear of needed hospitalization due to chest pains and risk of heart failure caused by withdrawal and his previous injuries, but Douglas adamantly refused it. Bethany would ultimate give in to the refusal, no matter how reluctant and saddened she seemed to do so while Anders frustration grew.  The doctors spent many hours pouring over information to make sure what they were doing was correct, calling colleagues and mentors. Once everything seemed to have been straightened out, Bethany unfortunately needed to return to school and had left the day prior. The goodbyes were teary, and Anders admitted the task he was undertaking alone appeared daunting. She insured he had her cell and pager number, giving him permission to call even if it was to blow off steam. She had joked with a smile about whom better to know the stresses of dealing with the Hawke twins than their own sister.

           After the new medications Anders had gotten for him, Douglas slept straight through the night for the first time since before Halloween and when he woke up he smiled contentedly at the back still firmly next to his through the blanket.  When he spoke though his tone was disapproving, "You're still here."

            "I told you, I'm not going anywhere."  The response was automatic now since it had been repeated many times before.

            "Don't you have to work?"

            "Nope."

           Douglas was at a loss for words. He had to practically twist the doctor’s arm to get him to take time to care for himself, and now he had spent days lying in this bed.  After he was quiet for a minute, he heard a pen scratching across paper and smiled; Anders was writing in his notebook again.  Douglas had asked him once what he was doing when they had first started having sleepovers and was told it was how Anders sorted out his thoughts and feelings.  Douglas took the hint, private, and left him to his important work. 

            Douglas drifted back to sleep, and when he woke up the room was quiet.  He whispered in case Anders had fallen asleep too, "All done?"

            "No, just taking a break.  My hand was starting to cramp."

            Douglas was silent for a few moments, but he started to shake. "Got anything about kids in that notebook of yours?"

            Anders didn't respond right away.  "Not really.  Not something I’ve really had to consider."  They both knew his desires for a family, but that wasn’t what the notebook was about.  It was for helping him not turn to alcohol.  Douglas shook but remained silent, and when it was clear he wasn't going to say anything else, Anders continued, "The baby might not be yours."

            The shaking against Anders' back subsided as Douglas seemed to ponder this possibility for the first time before finally asking, "But what if it is?"

            "Then you'll have a decision to make, I guess."  After a few moments, he added, "You don't have to decide now."

            "That's a long time to worry about something like that..."

            "So, what are you thinking, then?"

            Douglas sighed, "I'm thinking she has a plan."

            "I would be inclined to agree with the way she was acting."

            "She'll try to blackmail me for the next nineteen years..."

            Another minute before Anders said quietly, "Well, what about you getting custody?"

            Douglas started shaking again, fairly certain if Anders couldn't actually hear the pounding in his chest, he could definitely feel it against his back. He squeaked, " _Me?_ "

            "Do you think she would be a better parent than you?"  Anders kept his voice low and soothing.

            Douglas growled, "No," before stammering a few seconds later, "Wha- what about adoption?"

            Anders remained silent, allowing Douglas time to realize who he was talking to before saying, "Could you live with that?"

            "Maybe."  Anders stiffened at the answer, and Douglas hurriedly added, "I'm not sure this is the best house for a child.  Surely we could find it a loving home."

            "More than the baby's own family?"

            Douglas barely audibly replied, "I'm not sure we could."

            Anders softened again, "There's a lot of not sures right now, and we have time to think about this.  You don't have to decide if we are going to be parents yet."

            "We?"

            Anders swallowed. "I'm sorry, I'm assuming again.  I thought I would be here if you decided to be a dad."

            "And if I don't?"

            "I would try to understand, but I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

            "If I am trying to get you to leave, what makes you think I would want to expose a child to this?"

            "At the moment, you need someone to take care of you and get you back to normal. Can we just focus on that right now?"

            "I think normal may be out of the question ever again if I am going to have a kid I may never be able to look at and a boyfriend intent on getting himself killed."

            "Well, as long as I'm your boyfriend, it wouldn't be so bad," Anders said, smiling to himself at Douglas' choice of words.

            "Stubborn ass.  Who will take care of me after you're dead?"

            "I'll leave a detailed list of instructions with Fellon, and Bethany may be back by then, so the effort may be pointless, but for you I would waste the energy."

            Douglas growled at Anders' flippant attitude, "When are you going to take the hint that I don't want you here?  I have enough problems without you adding to them."

            Anders winced but tried to keep his tone indifferent, "I'm sorry.  I didn't realize loving someone caused him problems."

            "For normal people, probably not.  For me it does.  So, go back to Nathaniel. I _assume_ he's normal."

            Anders couldn't keep the anger out of his voice this time, "If I wanted to be with Nate, I would be."

            Douglas sniped back in jealousy, "Well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one he has made it perfectly clear to he wants you back."           

            Anders sighed, "I broke up with him for a reason. I'm not going back."

            Still jealous, Douglas said, "Well, I'm sure whatever it was could be worked out since he still loves you."

            "I don't love him anymore, I love you.  He's just a friend.  If you two can't handle that, then I guess I'll have to eliminate the issue."

            "Good, let me help you with that.  Get out."

            "I am not leavin' until your body is back to normal at least.  So if you want me gone, get your ass out of bed and back in the pool."

            In a low grumble, Douglas replied, "Hard to do with all the pills you are making me take. I'll probably pass out and drown..."  Then he started snickering, "Wait, did you just basically say you weren't leaving until I was hot again?"

            Anders stifled his own chuckle, "No, I said normal... conceited much?"

            Speaking in a low and husky tone, Douglas asked, "Are you saying my normal isn't hot?" running a finger lightly up Anders' thigh.

            Anders shivered slightly. "I didn't say that either, but maybe I meant an in general normal, from a doctor's point of view."

            Douglas still spoke seductively, "Is that what you meant, doctor?"

            Anders finally chuckled, "...Maybe..." the finger against his thigh turned into a threat of a tickle, "Okay, okay, mostly it is what I meant, but not totally."

            Douglas joked in a sad voice, "So, I'm not hot now?"

            A swallow followed the question, and Anders answered seriously, "From a doctor's point of view, you don't look healthy.  From a boyfriend's point of view, you have me scared to death."

            Douglas placed his hand gently on Anders' thigh and was silent for a while. "You don't think two dads would be hard to explain?  Or were you going to be Uncle Anders or something?"

            Anders smiled faintly at Douglas considering the option. "Should it be?  But again, I'll leave that up to you.  We have talked about the possibility before."

            "What do you want, Anders?"

            "I want to be with you, whatever description of me you decide that entails."

            "Are you sure?"

            "I've always been sure. I just got confused on how to deal with that fact for a little while."

            Douglas sighed, "I don't think you understand what you are suggesting."

            "What am I suggesting?"

            "You can't say you want to be a parent and one day change your mind.  You'll be stuck, just like me."

            "Maybe being stuck with you won't be so bad."

            "I'm serious, Anders.  There is a whole lot commitment talk floating around right now."

            "Well, again, we don't have to make any decisions right now.  July is quite a ways away."

            "Anders, what if I want you but not kids?  Would that be alright?"  Douglas had always wanted kids, but not like this. Now he feared the possibility of this event haunting him with whatever decision he made, with this child or any other.

            There was a long pause before a soft reply of, "Yes,” was given.

            Douglas took a jagged breath, he knew what caused the pause. “Anders, you really should leave.  I don’t think I can give you what you want anymore.”  A tear slipped down his cheek, and it was given away by a shaking in his voice.

            Anders was trying to hang on to this roller coaster.  He had expected it.  Hell, he, himself, had put others through it.  Right now, there was a lot more to deal with than just a drinking problem though.  Anders desperately wanted the family he never had when he was younger.  He vaguely wondered if the address provided by the bitch was real.  He highly doubted it; she seemed too conniving to be that stupid.  He still had the wish he had listened to Douglas sooner, so he could have strangled her.

            The thought surprised him a bit.  He had never been one prone to any violence, but the man he loved was broken because of her and, most likely, the real father of her baby.  Douglas was shaken and heartbroken, mentally and physically broken, and Anders wasn’t sure he had the skills to fix any of it.  It left him feeling completely helpless and useless.  Of all the people he had a wish to save, Douglas was number one, and he doubted he could do it. 

           Anders finally answered, “I’m not going anywhere.”  Whatever time they had left in this world and possibly the next, they had it, and Anders wasn’t going to let anything waste it again.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blushes and Books

                Anders was practically living at the estate now, weeks having passed since Fellon showed up on his doorstep.  Christmas was coming on fast and Thanksgiving well behind while Anders’ former lover still worked up the motivation to get out of bed now that the side effects of withdrawal were passing.  The nightmares continued; they had gotten worse once exhaustion and the physical symptoms were no longer requiring heavy sedation.

                Anders had been sleeping fitfully himself. Between Douglas’ nightmares and uncharacteristic silence, they both had a lot of time to think.  On rare occasion, Anders would take a break and lose himself mindlessly in the television located in the family room, one of the few in the house, but for the vast majority of this short “vacation” he had lain in bed.  It had been fairly easy to remember the notebook after first seeing Douglas, and Anders hadn’t touched another drink since arriving.  He hoped what he had seen was enough of a wakeup call not to do this to others and himself again.

                Douglas still wanted him to leave, and as the weeks had drawn on, his irritably compounded.  Anders could tell it wasn’t just the depression of late that was causing the sour mood.  The active and social man was getting restless even though he was still refusing to do anything but sleep and eat.  At least, the doctor thought so with all the huffs and squirming to get comfortable.

                At the moment, Douglas had nodded off again, but he wouldn’t be asleep for long.  Just because he didn’t leave his room, didn’t mean the man still didn’t wake up before the crack of dawn to watch the sun rise. The naps were getting shorter and less frequent, and Anders decided the restlessness might be partial boredom.  All offers to venture downstairs or to bring up the laptop, a TV, anything, were refused.  Douglas complained Anders was the one getting bored, and the fact couldn’t convincingly be denied.  In a last ditch effort, Anders thought to get a book for Douglas while he slept.  Better not to ask, just get one and let him decide if he wanted to pick it up or let it sit.  Douglas was always reading before, maybe it would help.  Anders made his way through the large, quiet house to the library.

               In all honesty, Anders had always thought it was a bit pretentious to own a library, like one had so much money and nothing better to do with a room.  Not that he wouldn’t like to have one himself, he loved reading, but he was never going to have so many books and an otherwise useless space.  He had thought the same when Douglas first showed him the wooded room with floor to ceiling bookcases filled to near capacity, but seeing how much free time was spent reading within this house, Anders no longer thought that.

               The polished reds were aglow with sunlight through the windows, deceiving the dark stain with its cheeriness. The feel of the room Anders was entering felt drastically different to the one he had just left even though they were on the same side of the house, but he didn’t have much time to absorb the warmth before spying Fellon stretched out across a large chaise.

               It was too late to turn and bolt back through the door, but running into the elder Hawke brother on the near daily basis had almost managed to banish the burn that crept into Anders’ cheeks.  Almost.  Anders couldn’t turn to face the books quickly enough, although it surely appeared embarrassing the way he about-faced into the shelf.  It wasn’t fast enough not to notice the loose jeans and mostly unbuttoned shirt, showing off a generous amount of tanned muscled chest, hint of tattoo and a glint of nipple ring.  Anders tried to focus on the titles swimming before him and not think about how relaxed the other man had looked with his glasses and crossed ankles.  Probably more relaxed than Anders had ever seen him anyway although for some reason it did not surprise the doctor the book being read was _The Art of War_.

               A husky voice unexpectedly next to his ear had Anders about jumping out of his skin.  "Looking for something in particular?"  Fellon asked.

               Snapping his attention to the other man, Anders was met with a familiar smirk, but this one seemed more predatory, more dangerous.  He cleared his throat nervously.  "I uhhh- Not really..."  Anders swallowed, looking once again at the shelf before him, feeling even more embarrassed and guilty.  "Douglas is finally starting to get bored but doesn't want to get out of bed yet.  I thought I would get him a book."

               "Oh, I see," Fellon murmured.  A "hmm..." was hummed against Anders' ear, more a sound of pleasure than of pondering.  "Here we are.  This is one of his favorites..."  Fellon pressed flush against Anders' back, reaching for a shelf above their heads and pulling down an old and well used, but clearly cared for, hardback.

               Anders shivered at the sound in his ear.  The smell of the other man wrapped around him, clean and yet somehow straight forward, dominating the space and Anders’ senses. Douglas’ was lighter, more of an infiltration, slowly creeping in until swept away instead of flat out swooning, which is what Anders almost felt like doing now.  Trying not to lean back into the man behind him, Anders stammered his thanks for the book as his eyes scanned the unfamiliar Asian characters.

               The smirk returned as amber eyes turned to reinforce the gratitude. Fellon purred, "Happy to lend a hand.  Feel free to come in here anytime."

               Anders was about to say thanks again when he caught the double meaning which set him to stuttering instead.  Fellon appeared highly amused, but turned his head and gave Anders' ear a teasing nip before pushing away from the bookshelf and going back to his couch, resuming his previous position as if he'd never gotten up.  Cringing at himself for being a stuttering fool, Anders fully turned around with a smirk of his own.  "With such skillful hands offering up their assistance, it would make coming in here less daunting and more pleasurable."  Anders waved the book. "Thanks again."

               Fellon's grip on his book faltered for a brief moment, and he lifted surprised eyes to Anders, his lips curling into an almost-smile.  "Like I said... any time."

               Anders smiled triumphantly back before leaving the library.  It was a small victory, no doubt, but he couldn’t continue to let Fellon get the better of him.  If flirtation was Fellon’s new game, well at least this was one Anders knew how to play.  He didn’t land Douglas Hawke by being a blubbering mess, and he wasn’t going to start now that Fellon was trying to get under his skin.  Bounding up the stairs from his win, Anders made it back to the bedroom in no time at all, and worried blue eyes were waiting to greet him and the mood instantly deflated.

               Douglas looked down to his hands in his lap, sitting up in bed now.  “I had wondered where you went.  I thought, maybe, you had finally gone back to work and gave me some peace.”  The tone was mostly flat, but there was something there, a hint of worry.

               “No, not yet.  I will soon enough probably.”  Anders didn’t mention when Douglas would eat without being told, and get out of bed on occasion, he would go back.  The depression had less of a strangle hold, but the grip was still firm.  The only one Anders might have trusted to stay with Douglas if he left was across the country now.  The clinic would have to make do with practitioners and volunteers.  Thankfully, he had rarely used the pool of retirees and they were itching to help.  Anders climbed back up on the bed, reclaiming his spot.  “I brought you something.”

               The book was presented, and for a split second the blue eyes were near a bright as the sun through the windows.  The pale hands that had been wringing and restless took the book without hesitation, while Douglas looked up to Anders’ face.  “ _The Art of War_.  How did you know?”

               Anders looked down at the book, a little taken aback and wondering if Fellon had known it was the same. Anders hadn’t of course.  “I had help.”

               The look vanished, and Douglas swallowed and nodded before glancing out the windows and then the clock.  Everyone would still be at the estate at this time even though it was silent.  If it was a favorite, anyone could know although now even Anders was disappointed he didn’t; anything to bring the sparkle back for a moment longer. But it had been there, that’s what mattered, and so had the worry.  Anders could hold on to those while they slogged through more rounds of dismissals and demands of departure that were no doubt still on the horizon.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long Talks and Need Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***HARSH LANGUAGE AND POSSIBLE TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE***

            Two days after the encounter in the library, Fellon, needing to have a chat with his brother, put together a belated Thanksgiving tray, a selection of Douglas’ favorite foods to take up to him in bed since Douglas had been too ill to participate in the larger feast with the gang a few weeks prior.  Not that there was much feasting going on.  The only thing worth celebrating had been Bethany’s return regardless of circumstance.  Making it up the stairs and down the hall without incident, Fellon balanced the tray on one hand and knocked, knowing Anders was with Douglas at the moment. “It’s Fellon. Coming in.”

            Anders sat up and helped arrange pillows around Douglas to help keep him up and comfortable. Taking his notebook with him, he crawled off the bed and placed it on the nightstand. He gathered up some dirty stuff that was lying around before checking all the pill bottles, placing two close to Douglas. “You need to take these soon.” He leaned in placing a gentle kiss on Douglas’ forehead. Anders paused, not really thinking about his previous action when he did it, and now worried he crossed the line, but Douglas just searched his face a moment before nodding he understood the directions. Anders nodded back with a little smile of relief and added, “I’ll leave you two alone. I need to make a few adjustments on your medications anyway.”

            He gathered up the dirty dishes and notebook, making his way out of the room.  Fellon gave Anders the slightest of head shakes as he approached, and the doctor returned a frown in answer, knowing what the other man meant.  The address Anders had given the day prior was a fake. Letting Anders through the doorway, Fellon stepped into the room and closed the door behind them. He looked at his “baby” brother and felt an instant flash of rage at the state he was in. There had been improvement, but not enough for Fellon’s peace of mind. He clenched his jaw for a moment before fixing his expression into his usual smirk, crossing the room to Douglas’ bed. “Well, you’re looking better. Doc must be doing something right.”

            “I hope so. I’m not sure I’ve taken so many pills in my life.”

            Fellon chuckled faintly. “Well, if I have to keep your club _and_ mine up and running while you’re recuperating… I might be asking you to share, so it’s a good thing you’ve got so many.” Fellon winked and kept a light tone to make it clear he was teasing.

            “Sorry.”

            Fellon lifted the tray up for Douglas to see. “You missed Thanksgiving and haven’t really been up to a whole lot of solid food ‘til now… so, I called your favorite catering service and had them send over a few things. The little lady that runs the place is very worried about her favorite customer, by the way…” Fellon pulled a chair over to the side of the bed, having a seat and setting the tray on the bed between himself and Douglas. “Anything on here catching your eye?”

            Douglas gave a small smile before looking over the tray. “It all looks good, but I think I could smell the sweet potatoes from the hall.”

            Fellon shrugged and slouched back in the chair. “Well, dig in, then. Brought all this up here just for you.”

            Picking up the fork and saying, “Thanks,” Douglas set to eating slowly around the tray.

            Fellon watched his brother eat for a few minutes, happy to see him doing that much. “… So, the Doc says you’ve been talking a bit more.“

            Douglas shrugged. “We’ve had some things to talk about.”

            Fellon nodded. “We’ve got some things to talk about, too.”

            Douglas kept his focus on the tray. “Like what?”

            Fellon leveled a steady gaze on his brother. “Halloween.”

            Douglas poked at the food on the tray with the fork. “What about it?”

            “Who was it for starters?”

            “I don’t know who the bitch was, just some blond Coterie whore.” Douglas started shoveling food in his mouth.

            Fellon’s gaze narrowed slightly. “Blond Coterie whore. That’s a start. There’s more, though… isn’t there?”

            Douglas shrugged with his mouth full.

            Fellon shook his head, sighing, “What’s the deal, Dougie? You can spill your guts just fine in a drunken stupor…”

            Douglas forced a swallow. “Can you hand me those pills over there?” he asked, pointing at the nightstand.  “And what more? I doubt you want too many more details after that.”

            Fellon grabbed the pill bottles Douglas mentioned, taking time to read their labels and lift an eyebrow before handing them over.  “Doc’s got you on quite a cocktail…  I’ve seen some of the other stuff you’re taking.  And yeah, I want details, or I wouldn’t be asking.  I’m funny like that.”

            “More is: according to Anders, she is pregnant. We’re big boys. I’m sure we know how a woman getting in that condition pertains to me.”  He took the pills like Anders told him to; he was probably going to need them today.

            Fellon blinked once, and then shrugged. “Problems like that can be dealt with. You feel like being Daddy Douglas?  … Or are we exploring other avenues?”

            Douglas poked at his food again. “I don’t know.” He was silent for a couple of moments, adding quietly, “Anders said something about us keeping it.”

            “What does Douglas say about it? We’re working on the assumption that this kid is yours at all…”

            “Yes, but I can’t wait to make a plan in July.” He picked up a fork full of sweet potatoes, adding, “And I don’t know what I say about it,” and then eating.

            Fellon watched Douglas eat for a minute. “If you don’t have an opinion yet… then it’s a bit tough to formulate a plan.”

            “Not a plan per se, more of formulating the options. Hell, we can’t even know for sure until after it’s born if it _is_ mine.”

            “Well, there’s a starting point. Plan A: the kid happens to be yours. What then?”

            “Well the natural option is marry the mother.”

            “… I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.” Fellon made a disgusted face. “No way in hell is that a viable option.”

            “Hell no.” He took another small bite of food, not looking at his brother. “Or I could have been talking about Anders.”

            Both eyebrows lifted. “Were you?”

            Douglas shrugged. “It’s an option.”

            Fellon smirked and shook his head. “We’ll revisit that. Plan B: kid isn’t yours. No problems from there on out, yeah?”

            “Yeah.”

            “…So… seems like you’ve got that figured out, then. If the kid’s not yours, fuck the bitch. If the kid is yours… take the kid and raise it with Doc, and fuck the bitch. Seems pretty cut and dry to me. “

            Douglas looked at Fellon. “Really? I didn’t think you would go for it.”

            “Oh yeah? Why would you think that?”

            “Gee, I don’t know, Uncle Fellon, your brother is considering raising a kid that was forced upon on him with his male lover… Just doesn’t seem like something you would agree with.”

            Fellon’s scar twitched beneath his eye, and he paled a bit beneath his perpetual tan. “… Ok, I’m going to fight back a complete breakdown here, to tell you that the kid isn’t what was forced on you.”

            Douglas sighed. “I know. I just hope I can remember that later. Another obstacle in the plan: I’m not sure I can.”

            “You’ve got quite a few months to test-drive the idea of having a kid, regardless of how you happen to acquire it. When the time comes, you should have a better idea of what you want to do in that regard.  Having a kid around scares the hell out me, and I’ll be drinking quite heavily later once the terror settles in. But it’s not about me.”

            “I would join you but…”

            “Heh. I’ll drink one for you.” Fellon smiled faintly before the expression faded. “Now… what can you tell me about the other bitch that was in the office with you that night?”

            Douglas poked at his food again. “Ha… I guess by description that would have been me…”

            “Stop talking like that,” Fellon snapped. “You’re _nobody’s_ bitch, and anyone that says anything different will get shipped home in pieces.”

            Douglas sighed; he knew this would be coming eventually. “You aren’t going to do anything to her until we are sure, are you?”

            “I know I don’t give the impression… but I am capable of patience. I can wait as long as needed.”

            After a moment of waffling, Douglas described the couple to his brother, cautioning him that she probably still had Douglas’ gun, and that if she thought she had an open opportunity, would probably get Fellon.  He paused a moment, assuming the only reason he could have said any of that was without the need to vomit was the fact Anders had him on meds to keep food down, but Fellon just nodded, absorbing what Douglas was telling him, and quiet as he started formulating plans of his own.  Douglas ate some more, grateful for the meds. They was keeping his emotions level even when they shouldn’t be.  He said, “They were dressed up like superheroes of all things, probably got in on the plus ones. That will have to change.” 

            “Oh yes, that will very definitely change. Superheroes, you say? I can’t particularly remember any superheroes at the party that night. That should make things easier…”

            Eyes still focused on the tray, a couple tears slipped down his cheeks. “Thank you, Fellon. All I have done is screw this up more and more.”

            Fellon eased out of the chair, kneeling beside the bed and looking up at Douglas. “Douglas. You’re not screwing anything up. Something was taken from you. I wish I could get it back for you… but the best I can do is make sure they pay for what was stolen.”

            “Not just me. They almost got your brother, and if I would have had anything to say about it, they would have succeeded. And Anders…” Douglas shook his head, “I don’t know why he is bothering to stay.”

            “Well, that’s easy. Anders cares about you. Obviously a great deal.”

            “He cares for someone I doubt is here anymore.”

            Fellon frowned before reaching up and smacking Douglas upside the head. “You’re right. The old Douglas is probably gone. But you get to decide if you want a weaker Douglas taking his place… or a stronger one.” He got up off the floor and plopped back in his chair.

            Douglas frowned back. “Well, I guess I have already proven which one existed in the first place…”

            “Tch… Really? Sometimes I wonder if we’re related.  Douglas…” Fellon leaned forward in his chair.  “Don’t let something like this break you. That means _they_ win. You telling me you’re gonna let _anyone_ win against you? Hell, you don’t even like being second in line at the bank…”

            Douglas could help a small snicker. “I’m not as competitive as I used to be.”

            Fellon smirked. “Nevertheless, the comment stands. You’re talking like someone who’s given up… and that means those bastards win.”

            “Anders said he wouldn’t leave until I was swimming again. I guess that’s a goal to shoot for.”

            “… You’re trying to get him to leave?”

            Douglas shrugged again, “It would be better for him if he did. You hate him anyway, figured it would make you happy.”

            “… Since when has making me happy ever been an issue? It’s not your job to make me happy. Currently your job is to get healthy, and then let Doc make you happy. He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it before…”

            Douglas smiled briefly, but it was quickly replaced with a deep frown. “How can I be happy with the thought of us being a family together when that family will always be threatened? He isn’t Isabela, and then throwing a kid into the mix, I mean I should just dye my hair gray now and go back to the bottle…”

            “Stop fretting over the kid until it actually becomes an issue. That’s more worry than you need right now. Furthermore… _no one_ is going to hurt someone that falls under Hawke protection. Not if they have a brain cell in their heads.”

            “Easy for you to say… And they got Mom, didn’t they? I don’t know how you do it.”

            “Don’t know how I… do what?”

            “Live with your family being in danger all the time, I know she can take care of herself, but surely it has to worry you sometimes…”

            “Of course it does. That doesn’t mean I let the worry control how I live my life. “

            “Perhaps if you got a pile of photos and a threat at gunpoint you would change your mind…” Douglas sighed again, “I don’t think I can do it. It’s better this way.”

            “Threats at gunpoint only work if the fuckers have the balls to pull the trigger… and if you let them think you give a single rat’s ass about being shot.”  There was a particular viciousness behind Fellon’s words, his eyes shadowed for a moment before he pinned a glare on Douglas. “And you’re a damned fool if you think either of you have been better off without the other since Halloween.”

            “I didn’t care if she pulled that fucking trigger; I wanted her to! Otherwise I wouldn’t have strangled her with it pointed at my chest or taunted her with it shoved in my jaw. I didn’t say it would be better for me; it’s better for him to move on. I’m used to being alone. I’ve been dealing with that a long time.”

            Fellon leaned back in his chair, lips curling up at one corner ever so faintly. “What about Anders? He was miserable without you. Really think he wants to go back to that?”

            “He has someone willing to fill my spot already.  He doesn’t need me.”

            “Is he willing to have this someone… fill your spot, as you put it?”

            “It’s not up to him.”

            “Why not?”

            “Because he doesn’t understand what he is trying to commit himself to.”

            “Hm… That’s true. He doesn’t know much about you.” Fellon crossed his legs in front of him, leaning back in his chair and frowning slightly in deep thought. “Maybe… if he knew more… he’d make the decision to leave on his own, without you having to force him away.”

            “What and say, ‘I’m just like those thieving, murdering bastards I’m trying to save you from’?”

            “You’re hardly a bastard.” Fellon sighed. “As much as I don’t like it, that seems the most obvious solution. You’re worried he just doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into. Let him know… then let the chips fall where they may.”

            Fear ticked slightly in Douglas’ eyes before he looked back at the tray, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

            “…  Have you always been this much of a chickenshit?  Or is this a new development?”

            Douglas looked back up, squinting angrily at Fellon. “I really hope you never have to deal with something like this.”

            Fellon gave a careless shrug. “I don’t have a problem with threats.”

            Douglas’ eye narrowed even more, “Obviously.  I’m glad it isn’t my fate in your hands.”

            “What makes you think it hasn’t been?”

            “What makes me think you would even care?”

            Fellon fell silent, but his throat convulsed in a hard swallow while his jaw worked tersely for a long moment.  When he looked like he might say something, Fellon instead rose to his feet.  “Fun chatting, as always.  I’ll let Doc know you took your meds like a good boy, and you’re still eating.”

            “Enlightening as ever.” Douglas refocused his attention to the tray.

            “Thanks.  I do try.”  Fellon nodded, heading for the door.  He stopped with his hand on the doorknob.  “Bethany had a talk with me shortly after I found out about Anders helping… that murderer.  I told her I thought what I did was for your own good.  She told me I sounded just like Mom.”  Fellon sighed heavily.  “I know you loved Mom…  but I think we all know how doing something for someone’s ‘own good’ turns out…” With that, Fellon turned the knob and walked out the door.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Information and Unease

            Varric was at his wits end with fence straddlers.  He had tried for weeks to chase down the photos Fellon had given him and any leads in regards to the rumors he had heard, but he was coming up with nothing.  Either the people who had been informing disappeared, or they refused to talk.  All their usual information pools had run dry, because the Coterie had thrown up blocks at every turn.  Not even a raise in price was enough which Varric could only gather meant one thing: the Coteries’ price was higher.  It always had been.  Cross them, and it was your life.  Even his contacts outside of that circle were avoiding him.  While the Hawkes were bunkering down in recuperation the past month and a half since Halloween, everyone on the fringes had scattered to the wind.

            Another voicemail, another name crossed off the list. Varric turned from the desk, and walked to the wall of windows.  Varric and Fellon had been trying to keep the place going along with everything else on the side plus this new issue, but they were chasing their tails on all fronts.  The club was almost a ghost town which was not helping his frustrations.  Sure there was business, but not the kind he needed right now.  The pretty people scattered on the balcony and dance floor were just that. Besides his fiancé, pretty people of no value to him at the moment.  Even allies had fallen off the face of the planet.  Bianca was keeping customers entertained as best as she was able with the lack of regular faces.

            He turned back to the interior of the room, taking it in.  Hawke’s office was still as he had left it except for a little less neat.  No one could bear coming in this room anymore.  Isabela never did.  Douglas might never again.  Bianca suggested redecorating, but she said it from the doorway.  Varric had smiled at the suggestion, but he was unsure of how much that would help in the long run, knowing the why for the change might still have the same effect. The first time Varric did was with Fellon.  Varric didn’t know a man so tan could look so ashen.  Varric had spent the better part of that meeting skirting around and quiet, because Fellon was understandably more surly than usual.  When he had what he needed to see to the club from the estate, Fellon made his exit, but not without looking like he wanted to tear the office to shreds.  He has yet to come back either.  Which only left Varric.  Out of everyone outside of Anders, he had known Hawke the least amount of time.  That hadn’t stopped them from becoming close.  They were partners.  Hawke was going to be his best man.  Now this? 

            The cellphone going off from the desk pulled him from his spiraling thoughts, and he moved to snatch it up. “Hello?”

            “Varric Tethras?”  The voice on the other end sounded nervous, high pitched and fast.

            “Yes.”

            “This is Tom.  In Darktown.  I have something- something for you and Hawke.  Meet me in 30 minutes.”

            “Something? What something?”

            “I can’t explain. Just hurry.”

            “Alright. Alright.  Where?” Varric took down the address before hanging up.  He hated going to Darktown, and there was no way he was going to get anyone else out there with him fast enough since everyone’s been hunkering down at the estate.  Fenris was with Isabela at The Rose, so that was out.  There wouldn’t be time to find and pick anyone else up either.  That made him uneasy.  The Hawkes might walk into something like this alone, but he didn’t, not if he could help it. 

            He slipped the address and phone in his pocket, checking his gun before exiting the office to the balcony.  He grabbed Bianca, turning her to face him.  Calmly and flatly, he told her, “I need you go home.  Take a cab, go straight there, and call me from the apartment phone when you get in.”  Their building was guarded, so once she hit the sidewalk, he hoped she would be safe.  “Take some of your friends if you want, but you have to go straight there.  Now.”

            She looked at him obviously a little confused, and the flit of fear was recognizable as well, but she nodded, turning to the people she was entertaining and explaining she had to leave suddenly.  She gathered her things, and Varric lead her outside to a cab before giving her a kiss.  “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

            She nodded again, her green eyes bright with easy tears, and she bent to kiss him again.  She knew better than to ask questions she couldn’t get the answers to, and then she was gone.  Varric watched the cab until it was out of sight, praying to the Maker this wasn’t some sort of trap.

*   *   *

            Bianca called on his drive which relaxed Varric slightly.  She should be safe now.  Not long after, a gaunt, dark haired man was waiting at the address proved, and hopped into the black sedan when it pulled closer.  Varric looked him over. The man was extremely nervous which didn’t put him at ease as he pulled away again.  “Tom was it?”

            “Yes. Tom Wise.”

            Varric was hoping that wasn’t just a very ironic name at the moment, and followed the directions to an out of the way alley a few minutes away.  When they stopped, Varric turned to the other man. “Well?”

            “Look.  I want you to know first off I had nothing to do with this.”

            Alarm bells started going off, and Varric growled back, “To do with what?”

            As the other man lifted his shirt, Varric leaned back, reaching for his gun but an envelope emerged.  Yellow envelopes hadn’t been good in recent history, so Varric didn’t release the grip hidden beneath his coat.

            The other man wasn’t paying him any attention, staring just as horrified at the envelope.  “Ever since Athenril was run out of town, jobs have been scarce.  As you know, the Coterie doesn’t like competition, so they have been going around eliminating the problems.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell you who the biggest thorn in their side is.  After trying the direct assault for years, they have apparently employed a different tactic.”

            Tom turned to hand over the envelope, but Varric was only more confused.  That didn’t sound like a threat; that sounded like an informant. He had many dealings with the like over the years.  Varric took the envelope cautiously.  When he went to open it, the other man stopped him.

            “You might want to know what’s in there before you look.  Like I said, I had nothing to do with this.  The only thing I did was get that stuff, so I could give it to you.”

            “So spit it out.”

            “The Coterie has been very happy with their recent success and have started to get a little… lazy.  At first, there were just whispers that someone high up your ladder had turned.  Apparently, when talk didn’t work, proof started to make the rounds.  Anyone with a brain knows how expendable they are in the Coterie, but if even the competition was making alliances… well, the shit hit the fan in the underground.”

            “Proof?”  Varric looked at the envelope with a sick feeling in his gut.

            “The thing is they have been recruiting, anyone and everyone they can get their hands on.  The underground knew they could count on the Hawkes to keep the Coterie in line, but now…”  Tom shook his head.  “The thing is, they tried with me.  They showed me this picture, saying the Hawkes were through, time to move to the winning team.  I was shocked, because even though they seem to hate each other, family was family.  It seemed to be their thing.  The picture didn’t lie though.  It could have been a fake, but the Coterie is full of idiots, and it looked too real.  Others were buying into it, but something about the picture seemed… off.” 

            Varric had been listening, but turned his attention to the contents.  “Holy shit.”  Pictures from Halloween were in the envelope, and he shoved them back inside.  They were obviously stills from their security system that had somehow “miraculous” failed that night, converted to black and white 5x7s, but only slightly grainy and quite clearly Hawke.  Varric was outraged.  “Do you know what this is?”

            Tom nodded hurriedly, reaching in like it was a bag of worms and letting the pictures slide back in until he found one he wanted.  “This is the one they showed me.”  Varric didn’t want to look at it, but Tom pointed to a small spot in the frame.  “Like I said, something seemed off, and then I noticed this.”  A small triangular shape just barely peeked out front above Hawke’s ribs.  “Everyone else is too interested in everything else going on, and it looks believable, but that looked like the hammer of a pistol to me.”

              Varric squinted at the photo, marveling at this guy’s ability for sight, because he could barely see it, and it could have easily just been background.  Tom swallowed, and Varric understood why.  The man could be in loads of trouble no matter what side he played.  If Hawke was Varric’s partner in everything, he could be part in the betrayal, too.  Varric looked out the windshield, and sniffed before clearing his throat.  He felt partially to blame for ignoring the onset in rumor which only allowed it to spread, and now it seemed like the Coterie had succeeded in at least getting everyone to turn tail.

            Tom said, “Ummm, they weren’t just handing those out.  I had to _acquire_ them.  So, could you not tell anyone where you got them?”

            Varric almost immediately agreed to the status quo, but then it dawned on him he was going to have to be the one who gave the pictures to Fellon.  For an instant, he thought about handing them back over, telling this guy where he could take them, grabbing Bianca and watch the city burn from his rearview.  There was only one small flaw in his plan: his conscience.   Varric had a minute possibility of handing these over and coming out alive, but this guy didn’t.  Finally, he just nodded, sealing his own fate.  Women dig bruises, right?  Guys they can doctor and take care of?  Shit.  Fellon and Bianca were both going to kill him.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Screams and Tears

                Varric arrived late and seemingly reluctant, but Fellon still got the impression it was important even if he had less dealings with the other man than Douglas did.  The envelope loosely in the shorter man’s grip wasn’t putting him at ease either.  When it was handed over, the warning of not looking was accepted, although it obviously hadn’t been heeded, and Fellon quickly dismissed his brother’s partner.  There was a look of relief, but the order wasn’t accepted in an instant.  The same reluctant gait that brought the man in carried him back out.  Fellon waited until he was alone, staring at the new package in his hand.  Varric had probably barely made it through the hall to the entry after one moment of managed sanity before Fellon disregarded advice.

                He didn’t know how he got through the small stack of photos, each one falling to the floor from trembling fingers before a new image of his brother assaulted him.  Fellon stood quiet after he was shaking too hard to hold anything and everything fell to the floor.  His chest was so constricted he couldn’t breathe, and he was left lightheaded.  Images overlapped and bled into one another until he couldn’t tell himself ones from his own head from the ones scattered on the floor. 

                Silent screaming rang through his head, muffled by time and the fact it never had escaped.  Fellon was rooted in place with pictures scattered on the floor.  Suddenly, he snapped, lashing out at his piles of paperwork and everything else on his desk. 

                Blind fury was interrupted only by the screaming that was no longer contained inside his head.  It startled him at first; the only sounds that had escaped him were grunts of aggression and heavy breathing.  No, the external screaming was coming from upstairs.  Turning, he barely registered his brother’s orderly side of the office was still as it should be as he tore out of the room and up the stairs three at a time with long legged strides, reckless but expedient.

                The screaming had stopped by the time Fellon got to his brother’s door, but there was still clear sobbing on the other side.  Fellon didn’t stop to think, simply going in.  “What happened?” He stared accusingly at the blond who was failing in an attempt to soothe but not touch and talking in hushed tones.

                Anders threw his own exasperated statement back over a thin shoulder.  “I don’t know.  He was asleep, and then, he woke up screaming.” Anders turned back to the other man in the bed, done for the moment with the intruder. 

                Douglas was warding him off, and sobbing uncontrollably.  The tears only seemed to get worse when he realized his brother was in the room.

                Fellon just glared at the back of Anders.  “What did you do? He hadn’t made a noise like that since the day…” Fellon’s eyes flicked back to his brother, a moment.  “Since the day I went to talk to you.”

                Anders didn’t turn, answering hotly, “I told you.  I didn’t do anythin’.”

                Douglas was staring at Fellon, limp and sobbing.  The older twin seemed rooted in place, and after a moment his eyes went wide.  The apparent knot Fellon swallowed down looked like it could have choked an elephant, but it couldn’t be heard over the tears. 

                “Did you touch him?” Fellon was still staring at Douglas.

                Anders was glaring back when blue eyes finally flicked to him.  “No.”

                “Did you try hitting him?”

                “Why the hell would I do that?”

                Fellon stared at Douglas for a long minute before turning and storming out of the room.  He needed to think.

                Anders continued to glare at the back, and then, the closed door.  When the sound of crying a few seconds later settled back in, the glare relaxed into a frown.  With a useless slump of not being able to do anything but sit there, Anders turned back around.  When Douglas had started screaming, Anders had almost hit the ceiling; he had just started to doze off for the night.  Douglas had never done it before, at least not with Anders.  Freaking out and crying yes, but not screaming like that.

                Douglas’ voice startled him, still cracked and gasping even though the sobbing had mostly died down, “I could feel it.”

                Anders was confused.  “Feel what?”

                It took a moment for Douglas to explain, and Anders had to concentrate hard to understand what was being said in a whisper, “I could- could feel it.  Fellon.  The pain.  Not like I could before.  This time I understood it.” The words sounded like they were choking him as he went on, “because it happened to me.  Happened to us both.”

                Anders didn’t know whether to press further to make sure he correctly understood what was being said.  Anders had his own suspicions although he had never had them actually confirmed.  He cleared his throat and asked softly, “Are you… sure?”

                Douglas looked at him a second before he glared up at the ceiling.  “What, don’t believe both of us now?”

                “That is not-“

                “Fellon wasn’t always like this.  Testy and a jerk, sure, but he was small when my parents sent him to military school.  Even still, he could throw a punch.” Douglas snorted and clicked his jaw like he knew from experience.

                Anders didn’t comment about his own knowledge of the statement.  “Why was he sent there?”

                Douglas sighed and hopped out of bed, pacing the floor in agitation for several seconds, and then, looked at Anders again.  After a few moments of contemplation, he glanced away again before he answered.  “When we reached middle school, it was very easy to pretend he was just my cousin.  My hair had changed color.  I was bigger.  We didn’t dress the same; have the same interests or friends.  Same… anything.” There was a short pause.  “And what was a nerd to a jock?”

                Douglas grimaced, far more at himself than anything else.  “I was embarrassed of my own twin.  As we got older, the schools got bigger, people move, and it was easy to play it off.  Right before high school started, he overheard me say I was just his cousin.  I don’t know who I was talking to, probably in the middle of trying to impress some girl.” Douglas shook his head.  “When I got home, we got in an argument about it.  It turned physical, rolling across the kitchen floor.  He was angry and a lot tougher than he looked, but I didn’t want to fight back, not really, but I would have had to.  There was a knife handle sticking out just past the counter, and I don’t know why I did, but I thought if I could get it, I could get out of this.  This would be over.  No real harm done.  So, I did.  At some point in grabbing it and bringing it down, I connected with his face.” Douglas ran his finger across his cheek in the same position Fellon’s scar was.

                The tears still close to the surface bubbled over again.  “I hadn’t meant to hurt him,   touch him at all, but he took the ‘hint’ and jumped back.  We both scrambled to our feet again, shocked.  I turned to run, but he lunged after me, and I fell on the knife.” The hand that had traced the cheek moved to cover Douglas’ own scar.

                “It was an accident though.”

                Douglas nodded.  “But by the time I could tell them that myself, it was too late.”

                “Why?”

                “At first, no one really believed it was an accident, just me trying to protect him.  With his history of getting into fights and breaking bones, my parents said it was school or jail.  They opted for the school, thinking it actually stood some chance of helping him with his issues.”

                “Did it?”

                Still agitated, Douglas glared at Anders.  “What do you think?”

                Anders wilted a little, but pushed a bit anyway, professional hazard maybe.  “But what, that was fifteen, twenty years ago?”

                Douglas jerked away, walking towards the blackened night outside the large window.  “And? Do you think I am going to get over this?”

                Anders looked away for a moment, collecting himself.  After a couple seconds, he crawled off the bed and joined the other man at the window.  “I- I hope so.  I hope given enough time, we can get through this.”

                Douglas scoffed, “We? What _we_?”

                Anders flinched visibly, both in peripheral and reflection.  Douglas slumped in dejection.  Anders bit at his lip, directing his own gaze to the floor.  “ _We_ because I love you, then and still.  We because I saw it.  Because I left you there.  For the way I acted.  We because I don’t know how you are ever going to forgive me; how I am going to forgive myself.” Anders swallowed.  “I can only hope in terms of we, because I know when you kick me to the curb, I am going to deserve it.”

                Douglas turned suddenly, tilting Anders’ chin to look up at him.  “That is _not_ why I want you to leave.” Douglas’ other hand reached up to smooth back some of the shoulder-length blond hair, gaze tracing after his own hand before jerking to follow a tear slipping down Anders’ cheek.  The hand still resting against Anders’ hair reached over and wiped away the tear.  “Hey, don’t do that.  Nothing is your fault.”

                Anders had started to protest and cry, but Douglas cut him off, wrapping his arms around the smaller man.  “It’s not your fault.  I don’t even want to think about what would have happened had you stayed or tried to stop them.  So, don’t blame yourself.  You did nothing, so nothing to forgive.”

                Anders returned the hug, but still protested, “But that’s what you need to forgive, my doing nothing.  The way I acted after, the way I treated you.”

                “Stop.  You have been here for weeks, taking care of me.  Puking and flailing, sweating, screaming and sobbing.  So stop.  If it weren’t for you, I will still be drowning and mostly on my way to pickled.” Douglas paused a moment.  “Or maybe worse.”

                Anders tightened his grip, and whispered, “Don’t say that.”

                Even if it was true, that didn’t mean he wanted to hear it, and Douglas dropped it because of Anders’ tone.  He sounded scared.  Douglas could have kicked himself for remembering now death has already taken so many in Anders’ life.  Not that Douglas needed that extra bit of guilt added to his plate.  He still knew if that was the only way to make Anders safe, he would do it. 

 

                Fellon went up to his private gym attached to his bedroom.  Fenris was the only other person allowed to use it, and even then, only with permission.  Fellon locked the door, stripping his shirt as he stalked across the floor, slapping at the buttons on his iPod mount.  Immediately, the room was filled with a hard, pounding beat of a song Fellon didn’t really know, but had heard a bit of and thought it would make a good addition to his workout playlist. 

                It didn’t take Fellon long to work himself into a vicious sweat.  He didn’t remember moving from machine to machine; all he could focus on was the pounding beat of the music combating with the pounding in the back of his head, that pain that usually had him locking himself in his bedroom pursuit of other means of escape.

                One picture kept coming to mind.  It was a clear shot of the three of them; Douglas’ grimace, long fingers of his female “partner” tangled in his hair to view his expression while the third member had their back arched behind Douglas, obviously driving deep.  Really, some of those photos couldn’t have been taken better if they’d been promotional for a porn movie.  Fellon knew anyone would see that expression and think Douglas was enjoying himself.   Fellon understood that expression very well, and it was as far from enjoyment as someone could get…

_“That’s right, little Hawke, take it.  Two is better than one, isn’t it, slut..?”_

_“It… it hurts...”_

_A backhand to the face had him seeing stars and tasting blood.  “Keep your mouth shut or I’ll find a cock for it, too….”_

                Fellon blinked back to the present to find he’d somehow moved from bench-pressing to pummeling one of his practice dummies, and sand was spilling onto the floor, apparently from a punch to the dummy’s “face” that had partially ripped the neck.   He couldn’t remember moving.  Obviously this wasn’t working at all.  He was shaking as he went across the floor and slapped his iPod into silence.  No, not working a bit.  He dug his fingers into the back of his head, trying to will the pounding pain away, trying to quiet down the screaming...  so much screaming.

                Fellon glanced toward his bedroom door.  He wanted to lock himself away, seal himself up in his room and make the screaming be quiet, but he couldn’t.  He couldn’t do that right now, not with Douglas in the state he was in.  What if he was needed? What if something happened? He couldn’t just leave Douglas alone. 

                Fellon’s hand came into focus in front of him.  He was clenching a rather surprising hunk of silvery white-blond hair in his trembling fist.  He hadn’t even registered the pain of that much hair being ripped from his scalp.  He needed to calm down, that was all; just calm down a little.  He could calm down and not be useless.  There were ways.

                After a shower that was hot enough to leave his skin with a reddish tint, Fellon made his way downstairs, staggering a bit as his head threatened to explode.  There was a ‘communal stash’ in the den, because, honestly, the entire gang had more issues than a magazine stand, and occasionally, one person or the other just needed to relax a bit.  Douglas stuck to his bottles, but perhaps that would change now.  Maybe if Fellon just took a little while to unwind a bit, maybe the screaming would die down in his head and he’d be able to tell the difference between his waking nightmares and his brother’s.

 

                They had relaxed into each other in front of the darkened expanse of the window, both guarding their secret knowledge.  Douglas’ being he would do anything to protect this man while Anders would do anything to save him. 

                Douglas’ chest squeezed and twisted painfully.  He had to stop putting Anders through this, no matter how much he wanted the dreams they had shared, because that was all they could be: just dreams.  Weddings and kids, romantic getaways, gray hair and shared memories; it was never going to happen for Douglas.  His days were numbered, and he would be damned if was going to take Anders down with him.  He couldn’t be like Fellon and the others, all going out in a spectacular blaze of glory with one last kiss to see them to the other side of wherever the void took them.  He just couldn’t.

                “Anders, I-“ Douglas pressed away slightly, looking down into brown eyes now searching his own.  He had wanted to say how much he had appreciated Anders had done the last few weeks, but that it would really probably be best for him now if Anders did leave.   Those amber eyes were looking up at him so hopefully, so expectantly, the words stuck in his throat though.

                He was further stupefied when lips pressed against his own.  It didn’t happen in a rush; Douglas had just been lost in the gaze and his own feelings of drowning to recognize what was happening.  His brain went into meltdown caused by the overload. 

                After a few moments, he was able to push Anders away by grabbing his upper arms, but Douglas still could only stare stupidly.  Everything he wanted was right here in one blond man with only further torment of everything he didn’t.  He couldn’t force words past his lips, or thoughts to form sentences.  Eventually, he did the only thing he could and turned away, walking away from the confusion and the hurt starting to bubble from the pools of amber he had been drowning in.

                Fingers snarled in large, thick curls that had raked through in a normal attempt to quiet but only added to the dishevelment.  A style that now startled Douglas every time he glanced in the mirror but had yet to change, because nothing about the reflection looking back seemed to be him.  Some haunted thing, vaguely resembling some long forgotten boy normally hidden within the seams of an expensive suit.  Behind him, Anders started to apologize, but Douglas shook his head.  “I need to be alone.  Maybe… try to go back to sleep.” He didn’t know how he would even attempt it, his insides felt like he was stuck in a tornado, being pulled in every direction but back to the ground where he needed to be to sort all this out.

                “Douglas, I really am sorry.  I don’t know what came over me-“

                “I don’t need an apology.  Just… some space.” Douglas glanced over his shoulder minutely as Anders had come forward a little while he was talking.  He didn’t choose to hold it though, looking down at the floor instead with sagging frail shoulders and arms that hung limply from them.  “Please?”

                The defeat in the room hung heavy, and Anders nodded at no one in particular as he looked around bewildered before heading straight for the door.  There was barely an audible click behind him when the door closed, his mind screaming at him for being so stupid and racing as to what he should do now.  Find an empty bed to bury his tears in? Ask for a car so he could do it in the privacy of his own bed for a change? Just call a cab and try to forget everything about this house?

                Instead his feet carried him off to the stairs, just like they normally have of late when his thoughts were turbulent, to the family room and the TV where he could stare at the screen and lose himself.  Down the stairs and past the twinkling clear lights of the Christmas tree Anders barely glanced at on his path to the couch.

                Before he had reached the darkened den, the smell of smoke overwhelmed him.  Not that it was any sense overpowering, but more unexpected.  This didn’t exactly seem like a house anyone would be particularly allowed to do such a thing, all pointing to potential damage.  Not cigarette smoke either: pot.

                He peeked in and found Fellon lounging on the couch, his shock of platinum hair easily visible when one looked, smoking a joint.  Anders waffled in the frame, debating about going to hide somewhere else, the kitchen maybe.  If he dug hard enough, he could probably find something worth eating.

                Anders was turning to go when Fellon spoke, “Bethany used to hit him when he freaked out from what I gathered.”

                Anders sighed a little at having being discovered, but it didn’t feel right to continue on his way.  He turned back and paused back in the frame, thinking over what he was told.  “Did that happen often?”

                There was a grunt, followed by an agitated, “How should I know?”

                Anders frowned and again contemplated leaving, but for some reason he didn’t.  He joined Fellon on the couch instead.  “I just lowered the dosages on his meds; maybe I did it too soon.” He looked at Fellon for a comment but there wasn’t one.  Anders also didn’t think that was the only factor especially to now find the other twin indulging.  “Unless… something happened?”

                The denial came too quickly for Anders to fully believe, but it was certainly clear it wasn’t up for discussion, whatever it was.  He also didn’t think telling Fellon what Douglas told him would be very helpful.  Anders sighed, “I just wish I knew how to help him.”

                “Dougie doesn’t like doctors.  Well… Usually.  I guess you’re special.” Fellon smirked if he had just told a joke.   

                Anders ran his hands gruffly across his face.  “I just don’t understand.  When he looks at me, I see it.  That he loves me.” Anders trailed off for a moment, going over the statement in his mind and wondering if he was wrong before he went on.  “But there is hurt, too.  Like it pains him to be in love with me.  I just don’t… understand.”

                Fellon took a hit off his joint, holding it in for a long while as if he wasn’t going to respond or was really even paying attention to what the other man had said. 

                Anders settled back further into the sofa, his head back and staring up at the ceiling of the darkened room.  He didn’t know why he told Fellon that, why he bothered.  He didn’t exactly expect a response, but for some reason it disappointed him he didn’t get one.

                Almost a minute passed, and a sharp exhale filled the room with smoke.  When Fellon did respond, his voice was a little gruffer than normal, “You’re a distraction.”

                Anders frowned.  He still couldn’t pretend he understood anything about what went on in this house even after being here for weeks.  He didn’t figure these to be normal circumstances even for this place filled with questions that never went answered.  “A problem.  I know.  He told me.”

                Fellon’s lips twisted into something of a humored smile as he inhaled again.  The breath wasn’t held as long this time and let out in with a, “Kinda, ya.” Anders only frowned harder, but Fellon didn’t notice.  The room went silent again, and Anders let it this time.  He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know any more of what Fellon had meant.  Just being thought of as a problem by his lover was bad enough, but to have everyone else seem to know it and the reasons why that he couldn’t figure out didn’t make it any easier.  A minor tilt of his head allowed Anders to take a glance at Fellon.  Blue eyes were staring back unexpectedly, considering him.  Fellon was always calculating something when he looked at Anders, but Anders never knew what.

                Perhaps he was still trying to figure out if he had done anything to Douglas.  Anders looked back at the ceiling in irritation.  Why did he even come down here? He didn’t have anything to prove to this man, but it seemed that was the reason why he did it.  As if lying at Douglas’ side for weeks wasn’t enough.  The fact was he had actually initiated comfort on his own.  Not that Fellon knew that.  Or that he had forced himself on Douglas after; Maker he was an idiot.

                “It’s not justa bad thing, ya know.”

                Anders had been lost to his own thoughts, and barely caught he had been spoken to.  “What?” He looked back at the blue eyes, the expression effected by the drug being used.

                “Being a distraction.  It’s a good and bad thing; complicated.” Fellon shrugged, but he appeared to be a little amused by Anders’ predicament. 

                Complicated.  That was a word Anders was starting to understand well even if not at all when it came to this family.  “Good how?”

                “His job.  His life.” Fellon looked up at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating.  “They suck.  He needs a distraction, something good.  That’s you.”

                Anders pondered the unexpected compliment for a few moments before asking, “And bad?”

                “Like I said, Doc.  Our life sucks.  Who wants to bring someone they love into that?”

                The room grew silent again as Anders tried to understand the meaning of what was said, but for some reason, he felt he couldn’t ask anymore about it.  Douglas always seemed to be open with him, genuinely so, but there was something that was being held back.  They were all holding something back.  It was just a vibe he got that he couldn’t explain.  Something even Nate seemed to know, or at least thought he did, that Anders didn’t.  “Can I ask you something?”

                “Maybe.” Fellon took one more hit from his joint, and then put it out.  His demeanor changed a little too, like a guard had went up. 

                Anders couldn’t help but feel like Fellon was getting ready to walk out, and it gave him pause to enough to wonder if he really should ask.  Maybe he should ask Douglas, since he had brought it up.  Fellon looked at him though expectantly, waiting for the question to which there might not be an answer provided.  “Why do you and Douglas say you are just cousins?”  If it caused such problems before, why would they still be doing it now?

                Fellon seemed a bit surprised, a curve from the previous discussion Anders knew he couldn’t get answers to.  This he had been made privy to, one of the privileged few.  Fellon mulled over his response, but did finally give one, “It’s just safer is all.” When Anders prodded further for an explanation, Fellon raked his hand through his hair, but relented if not agitatedly.  “I don’t know.  It’s just… safer.  Safer for everyone to think we just happen to be related and hate each other.  Safer for him.”

                “I just don’t understand this safer business.  Safer how? Like he’d be in danger if people knew.”

                Fellon looked at him in all seriousness, any hint of amusement that had been there before gone now.  “That’s exactly what it means.  If the Coterie thought for one moment they could take us both down, they would do it.  Can you think of a simpler way than that? Right now, he’s the shadow I always have to watch out for.  The heir to overthrow the king….” Fellon swallowed and muttered on, “Everything would change if anyone knew.”

                Anders frowned.  Was any of that supposed to make sense to him? Settling grumpily into the cushions, he mumbled back, “That doesn’t sound like Douglas.”

                Fellon snorted, nonplussed, “Then you don’t know Douglas.”

                “Or you don’t.”

                “Look, I know my brother, okay? A little too well, and way more than I would like.  What I said, that’s what he’s supposed to be.  And everything was working out just fine until you came along.  So, what is it about you? What makes you worth risking everything for?”

                Fellon was studying him again, but this time through a squint.  Anders swallowed.  How was it he could pick a fight so easily with Fellon, but Douglas had him melting with just a look? The tone of the words had him believing there was something to what Fellon was saying though.  “I- I don’t know.”

                “Neither do I.  And neither does Douglas.” Fellon flopped back against the sofa.  “Speaking of… Don’t you have work you should be doing.  Like maybe finding a way for him not to freak out again.  That’s why you are here, isn’t it?”

                That stung more than it should have with the added knowledge Fellon might actually know what he was talking about in regards to Douglas’ thoughts and feelings.  Anders jumped to his feet though.  “I’m here because I love him, and right now, he needs me.  Even if none of you assholes want to admit it.”

                Fellon frowned, but Anders didn’t care as he stalked out of the room.  Anders was half way to the stairs when Fellon called after him.  “Hey, Doc?”

                Anders swung around, stormily about to tell the other man to piss off, but something stopped him.  There was a sag to the other man outside of being somewhat relaxed.  All Anders offered was a guarded, “What?”

                A tan hand twisted against the frame, fidgeting with a steeled grip.  “He does need you.” The hand slipped down the wood before the other man continued, “And I need him.”

                With that, Fellon turned back into the darkened family room, leaving Anders bewildered and without words.  He sat down heavily on the stairs, stuck in a limbo between a brother who didn’t want him around and the other he couldn’t be, staring into the twinkling lights of the Christmas trees that blurred in his vision through tears.


	35. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revival and Ornaments

                On Christmas morning, Anders studied the enormous professionally decorated tree nestled against the stairs in the foyer, and couldn’t help thinking Douglas would have had a part in this any other year.  When it had been set up at the beginning of December, Douglas had looked pained at the sounds coming from downstairs, but he was still fighting being ill and tremors.  Fellon grunted about him being out of town every time someone asked before Isabela would rush them off from chitchat and back to work.

                Anders had snuck down the stairs that night to look.  It had to be the largest residential tree he had ever seen, even at Nate’s, nearly two stories tall, but fitting easily beneath the high ceilings.  Beautiful too, not a hole in the branches or ornaments to be seen, decorated in silver and gold like the old Christmas song with the clear lights appearing to twinkle but one wasn’t quite sure if it was the lights or the reflections. The best he had seen outside of magazines and television.  There was another smaller one in the family room where the presents were, almost as beautiful, if lacking the grandeur, but it made it feel more inviting and intimate, if a tree could be such a thing.  It was still three times the size of any ragamuffin stick he could have come up with, but decorated in such a way that seemed to invoke all the personalities of the house.  Colorful and playful.  Anders couldn’t help but marvel every time he saw them.  Now, the big day had arrived, and Douglas still hadn’t seen it.  Anders sighed at the tree; it looked like Douglas would miss another holiday.

                Douglas still stuck to his room, but he started moving around a lot more, and ever since the book Fellon recommended was brought up, a small stack had accumulated by the bedside.  Douglas took interest in his appearance again, shaving every morning, and falling into old routines, which seemed very encouraging, like he was contemplating coming out, but something held him back.

                Douglas took up pacing, and each day, the amount grew.  It was driving Anders up the wall.  Anders figured if he left the room while Douglas was awake and moving, Douglas might too.  So far, that plan had failed.  Douglas would usually be sitting by the time Anders returned.  The way Douglas’ shoulders drooped seemed like he thought he had failed as well.  After the first couple of attempts, Anders felt like he shouldn’t try again. Douglas insisted he shouldn’t keep himself cooped up too, even smiling when Anders announced he was going to go back to work after the holiday until he thought to ask if that meant Anders was staying at his place then too.  It did not; he would still be staying at the estate until he was sure Douglas was well.  It made extra long days, but neither mentioned their knowledge of that fact.

                The house was fairly quiet.  There was activity in the kitchen for dinner preparations, but everyone else must have been asleep except Douglas who was in the bathroom when Anders left the room. They took to their bathroom duties at separate times now, and away always seemed better than awkwardly staring at a door that blocked him from the naked man he wanted to be with.  For something to do, he decided to go find Lady Sassafras, and make sure her bow was still pretty and not hanging from her mouth, or worse, stuck between one of the dog’s teeth.

                Sassy was fine when Anders found her, bow still pristinely in place, and trying to find a way into the kitchen.  She knew better, and so did he.  The kitchen was off limits, always for her, and at the moment, for him as well as Orana cooked.  The cat seemed to like living here better than their house, probably because there was always something going on here even if he was working long hours.  She protested slightly, pawing and squirming when he turned away from the kitchen, heading for the family room instead.  Anders figured when people came down, that was where they would go.  Best he make some sort of appearance before locking himself away again.  This way, he could also grab the presents he had stowed here in case he needed to make a quick disappearance.  He doubted a holiday would grant him any leeway from getting on Fellon’s nerves or vice versa.  The room was empty, as expected, so he flipped on the TV to some classic holiday movies to wait.

 

                The wooden desk chair was situated in the middle of the bathroom floor with Douglas perched upon it.  Brown fingers teased at the large overgrown curls, both persons ignoring the tension. “I remember when you chose to keep your hair like this,” Isabela teased as she gave one of the chunky curls a light tug.

                Smartly, they had decided to keep him turned away from the mirrors, facing the shower instead, and Douglas heavily resisted the urge to touch his hair, so used to flattening it back down after Isabela had played with it. “If I recall correctly, my favorite beautician liked it, and I had a thing for her.”   

                She chuckled, grabbing the clippers.  His hair vaguely reminded her of when they kids and together, all boyish and curly, but the style didn’t suit him anymore.  Besides, now it reminded them all of things best not remembered.  She was out of practice, a long way from the old neighborhood and making a few bucks by keeping the block looking good, paid in everything from cash to favors.  The old job suited something else quite well too: information.  The first place she formally honed her skills of reading people and ferreting secrets.  The place where all those years ago this same man sat in her chair a little too often to be just as overly picky about his hair and test out his pick up lines.  Not that Douglas’ flirting had been all that hard to read.  He wasn’t the first to try, or the first to succeed.  He had been the first to keep her interested for something more than a fling.  And look at them now.

                She figured out her plan of attack and dove in.  Oddly, they were both quiet as she worked, not knowing quite what to say.  Plus, neither were particularly interested in screwing this up.  Fact was, he couldn’t go sit in his regular barber’s chair looking like he did at the moment.  Too many questions raised he wouldn’t answer, too much left to chance of a wagging tongue. Douglas was already working on formulating his cover.  They always had a couple waiting in the wings anyway, just time to dust one off.  It helped to have a reputation of someone who traveled quite a bit.

                Once she was done, they both were nervous of the verdict as he looked at himself in the mirror.  The new hairstyle wasn’t perfect -a little too short- but it looked a lot better than that electrocuted mess he did have.  He kissed her in thanks as they parted to clean up.

 

                Anders sighed as the credits started to roll for _It’s a Wonderful Life_ , shifting to grab the remote to shut the television off.  Apparently not even a holiday brought about early appearances in this house.  He might as well go back upstairs.  As he moved the cat that was snoozing against his leg, he caught a glimpse of a figure in the doorway that made him jump.  Looking up, he stared a moment before apologizing, “I’m sorry.  I was just about to go back up.”

                Douglas gave him a small smile before finally coming into the room.  “It’s alright.  You both looked fairly comfortable, so I didn’t want to interrupt.”  Anders was still staring, and Douglas smoothed an uneasy hand over his loose dress shirt.  “Is something wrong?”

                Anders shook his head roughly.  The clothes hanging awkwardly had been a given, even if the man hadn't been wearing his usual suits.   “No.  I’m just… surprised is all.  When I came down, your hair was still…”  Well, he didn’t need to continue that line of thought.  What was he going to say anyway?  Poofy? “Longer.”

                Douglas reached up to his hair, smoothing the too short strands the best he could.  “Ah, yes.  I got Isabela to cut it.  It’s a little short, but by the time it grows out, I should be able to make a proper appointment.”  Douglas swallowed, but followed it up with a tiny grin, trying to banish both of their doubtful thoughts about wishful thinking.

                “I haven’t seen anyone.  I thought I would at least try before spending the day with you.”  Anders probably shouldn’t have said that either, at least not by the way Douglas’ cheeks flared a bit. It seemed a dumb thing to say now.  This wasn't his family, it was the same four walls he didn't want.  “That sounded wrong.  I want to spend the day with you, but I didn't want to be rude.”

                Douglas stepped closer.  “We've always been more of an evening family.  Drove mom nuts, but saved on rounding everyone up multiple times.”  Douglas didn't bother going into it limited the amount of time people had to stomach pretending to be something they weren't even if that was what they did every single day. Sometimes it felt like he and Bethany grew up on another planet.  He guessed in a lot of ways, they did.  “You get to meet my uncle.”

                “So there is one.”

                “I said there was, but that was more like a warning.  The man is an ass.”

                “Fellon has been warming me up then.”

                “Uncle Gamlen has a big mouth, but surprisingly, he is always there when you need him.”  Douglas hadn't really thought about it much.  He tolerated the stupid comments because he was sick of losing people, but the statement was actually true.  In a pinch, Gamlen came through.  May not be how anyone would want, but they always made due.  “Anyway.”  Douglas edged closer to the couch, taking a timid seat upon it with brown eyes watching him the whole while.  “If you wait it out a little longer, Bethany should come down within the hour.”

                Blue eyes checked their watch as metal links clinked together over a thinner than normal wrist.  If Douglas noticed, he didn't hint at it.  He appeared the numbest of the entire house.  “Fellon might make an appearance before noon, but I won't hold my breath.  Isabela about one, with Fenris close behind.  Varric with Bianca around three, Gamlen closer to five and food.”

                “Sounds like you run the schedule.”

                “I was the early bird.”  Douglas dropped his wrist, and sat back further into the couch, staring at the tree.  He was silent for several long moments.  “Did you and Irving have any rituals?”

                Anders had been lost in watching those sad features tick in their own thoughts, not exactly different than anything they had been doing in recent history, but not expecting the question.  He looked at the tree, trying to deduce what Douglas was seeing.  “Umm.  No, not really.  He was a bachelor with no kids before I came along.  But he would get us a little tree and try to cook us a dinner.”  Anders laughed, covering his mouth at the outburst and hiding his smile.  He glanced at Douglas then who had changed his focus, watching the smiling lips before looking up to meet the brown gaze.   Anders’ hand slid, deciding not to hide it and going on with his story. “It was usually pretty terrible, but we’d sit down to eat it together, laughing and eating sandwiches before bed.”  Anders shrugged.

                “Sounds nice.”

                Anders tilted his head.  Was it?  He supposed it was. “After, Karl always tried to teach me, but it never stuck.  I think I was always distracted by the goofy sweaters.  And Nate.  Well, Nate has people to cook for him.”  Anders almost said too, but chided himself this was not how Douglas grew up.  That was it, that was his holidays summed up in a few sentences.  “What about you?”  He thought not to ask, but Douglas brought it up.

                A bony hand scrub across a tired face, staring into the lights of the tree again. “Oh sure.  Plenty.  Right now,  I would be helping mom prep for dinner as the others cleaned up what was left of breakfast. Fellon probably got something he could hide in our room with, so he would do that.  Dad took his very rare day off to sit and relax.  Maybe read a story aloud.  Sing carols surely.  Watch those claymation movies.  Later, we would go out and see some lights.  Guess most people were home, the roads weren't as crowded.”  He was silent a minute before adding,  “I always wondered why we specifically drove past here.  Gate closed, of course, nothing to see, but it never failed. My parents would get quiet as they looked down the drive.  Then, back to status quo oohs and ahhs.  No surprise now.”

                Were they waiting for an invitation, Anders wondered.  Still. “That sounds nice, too.”

                “It was.”

                The comment was followed by that forced tick of a smile.  Anders wondered if Douglas even realized how often he forced himself to do that.  This time seemed warranted at least, a happy memory still dripping with sadness no matter the day of the week.  Bethany seemed to be the only one able to get him to recall memories without completely regretting it.  Perhaps it was just her demeanor.  Occasionally, it seemed to work with Fellon as well, but even she seemed careful and considered when he was involved.

                A snack tray was brought in, Orana startled.  “Mr. Hawke!  I was just about to send up a tray.”

                Douglas nodded, sure that she was.  “Thank you, but we’ll stay down here a bit.  We’ll make one if we need it.”

                “Of course.”  She looked over him a moment longer before she left.

                Douglas bit his tongue about the menu and the kitchen, turning back to Anders with that tight smile he had been sporting.  It wasn’t his holiday, not this time.  The food and everything else had been planned without him.  They had only bothered him with the list of gifts for all the random nobodies they had to keep happy, and even that was just to glance it over, the job passing to the ladies and Varric.  The thought of not being needed wasn’t exactly helping at the moment regardless of intent to lighten his load.

                Again, Anders didn’t ask.  He didn’t bring up the parties they whispered about, or the one they apparently failed to host.  The ever growing list of lies at every turn.  “The trees are beautiful.”

                Douglas hummed in agreement, but gave a mild curse after a moment.  Anders questioned the reaction, to which Douglas replied, “I didn’t get the ornament this year.”

                “What?”

                “For the other tree.  The metal ornament.”  He scrubbed at his face again.  He took over the duty just like everything else after their mother passed.  “Every year we got a new one, and I didn’t do it this year.”

                Anders had noticed them, but they all seemed rather old, or at least something from when they were kids.  Each a different shape and dated with a different year.  He hadn’t realized it was something they carried on.

                “We couldn’t afford to get a different one for everybody, so we took turns sort of.  One year a rocket for Fellon.  The next, a ball for me.  A castle for Bethany.  Later events like diplomas or… just something to kind of remind us of the year.  I didn’t do it.”  He cursed himself again.  It would be too late now, everything picked over.  As if he could even get himself to leave the house for a crowded mall in the morning anyway.  He wiped at his face again, a disappointed tear swiped away.  He doubted anyone else would be so heartbroken about it. If they would have, they would have brought it up.

                Anders wanted to comfort him, but he had given ill received notions of fixing things before.  There was no store that was open now or that Douglas could even get to.  He stared at the colorful lights of this tree, staying to his own thoughts and quietly cursing his own uselessness.

                An idea struck him, and with a smile, Anders said, “Hang on.”  Quickly making his way back to their room, he pulled his computer from the charger and brought it downstairs.  “Here.  Do it now.  You won’t have it today, but it could be here before you pack everything up, right?”  Not that he couldn’t see Douglas packing up the tree at the stroke of midnight, but he somehow doubted it.

                Douglas blinked at him, surprised by the simple yet brilliant idea.  He had bought a couple things online, but he was much more of a hands on shopper.  He risked a smile back, Anders beaming at him all the more.  The stores he normally bought the ornaments from still had a decent online selection, and he glanced through the options, trying to think of something to remember that didn’t involve the last two months.

                Sassy rubbed against the edge of the computer monitor.  Anders tried to shoo her away before snatching her up to give the attention she was apparently seeking. Or maybe she was just trying to remove the bow.  He was used to her antics, picking up the habit while he had been scouring the web for information to fix their problems.  Sure, he could get focused, and for him, she could be a much needed distraction, but Douglas didn’t need her bugging him at the moment.  

                Douglas scrolling paused when a shape caught his eye before he glanced at Anders and then the fuzzball in his lap.  The blond was too distracted with his cooing to notice.  Douglas pulled it up, typing in the wanted inscription.  They didn’t always do this if it was just an in general interest, just indicating the year, but when it held specific meaning, they like to note it.

                Anders looked up, asking excitedly, “What did you get?”

                Douglas gave a weak smile back, turning the computer towards him, showing off the fluffy gold kitten with a bow engraved Lady Sassafras.  “We’ll dangle her above the boys where she can always taunt them.”  

                Anders melted slightly, giving Sassy a squeeze.  If she was going to be around every Christmas that meant he was too, at least in some way.  Slowly, he leaned over and when Douglas didn’t shy away, he gave a small kiss on the lips. The kiss was brief, but Anders didn’t pull away completely.  He said softly, “Merry Christmas, Douglas.”

                “Merry Christmas, Anders.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I know it's been forever. I had some personal things come up in my life that made everything, especially this, too difficult to deal with, but I am back, and so is the story.  
> I had always planned to finish this, now it's more for myself than anything else, but if you are still along for the ride as I get back into the swing of things you have my upmost gratitude.  
> You will never understand what you all had and still do mean to me, so again thank you.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthdays and Questions

        Anders blinked blearily at the nightstand, his Christmas presents greeting his gaze before his eyes focused on the time.  After caring for only one patient, he had forgotten how tiring his work schedule could be.  Not that lying around for a month helped those matters any.  He shifted his new journal, a hefty leather-bound thing inscribed with his name Douglas gave him as a Christmas present.  The old dime store notebook sat tucked away in the drawer, stuffed with ranting and thoughts of a helpless lover refusing to leave the side of the man he loved.  

        He smiled as he hand lay upon the soft leather, recalling the instructions to inform when a replacement was needed.  Anders took it as another indication he was being invited to stay.  The thought had made the other gift easier to accept; a picture of the two of them, smiling in their tuxedos while guarding their hinted or secret ‘I love yous.’ The first day he saw this house, and slept in its beds.

        He chuckled as he recalled only ever sleeping in the other room once.  Why did he doubt that was the plan? The thought Douglas had probably planned on him moving in one day, to that room, relationship serious yet awkwardly celibate made him chuckle again.  A freckled hand rubbed across the empty bed beside him, and Anders sighed, but not with disappointment.  In fact, he had come to expect it these last weeks since Douglas had managed to leave the room.  Like the gate had finally been unlocked and he was loath to come back.  In fact, Anders was usually the one to drag himself here at night, jaw cracking with yawns, unable to continue the day but preparing for the next.  Later, he would find Douglas’ back pressed against his, and by morning, they were up to start together.  Except the weekends, Douglas let him sleep then.  

        And Anders was grateful, but not as much today.  He was immensely happy to have a couple more hours sleep and find his boyfriend had not relapsed, but yet, it was the twin’s birthday, and he had no intention to laze the day away.  He would have liked to eat breakfast together like they did during the week, but Douglas would have eaten by now.   Anders wondered what he might be up to.  The pool would be done.  The gym maybe?

        Douglas had been working out more, and it had been hard for Anders not to laugh when he was far more relieved to see the man aggravated the light workouts had proved too much in the beginning.   Anders tried keeping him from swimming at first, just to be sure if the heart had a fit, Douglas wouldn’t drown.  Irrational maybe, but he just wanted some reassurances that the thing wouldn’t act up after all its stresses.  Fenris and Fellon had even kept an eye on him in the gym.  If that was more of a motivating factor to get back in shape, Anders was not sure.  Douglas was irritated by it all even though he was expertly ignored.  Now, everyone was content to let him be.  Let him work his jock ass off, Anders wasn’t above begging if he thought it was necessary.   Let this stop being something they took from him.

        Douglas might have been less than pleased with the results, but Anders wasn’t.  Out of the room, working out, taking on duties at home, easing back into working.  The only thing Anders wished was that he had started some of this before, staggered the resuming of activates, but as it seemed to be with his man, Douglas just dove into everything he did.  All or nothing.

        Anders wondered what everyone else was up to for the day.  January 14 th displayed on the in room calendar on the desk meant it was doubtful Douglas forgot.  Of course, it did make Anders curious as to what Douglas was more apt to forget, to change the calendar or his own birthday.  Anders could only concluded the answer was a resounding neither; he couldn’t see the man forgetting either of those things.  Not because it was a  _ his _ birthday, but more accurately an important date.  Anders knew that he was more inclined to forget his own birthday before Douglas would which reminded him of the night they met.  Anders wondered if he should tease him, that he already got his birthday kiss.

        Although he might be crazy to pass up another kiss like that, especially now.  Just thinking of it made him flushed.  This time when he sighed it was disappointed, and he quickly cleaned up and dressed to go down.  As he approached the pool, and thus the gym, he was cut off by Fenris coming the opposite way, bright red cord bound around a dark wrist.  Anders looked at it, but knew better to question it, having noted its appearance before.

        “He is not here.” Fenris practically growled at him, unbudging from the frame.

        Anders glanced past him, Fellon quite obviously occupied in one of the hottubs.   With Isabela perhaps.  “Can you narrow it down any further than that?”

        “Not here.” With that, and no longer a secret, Fenris pulled open the door and went into the pool area.

        Anders rolled his eyes, turning back toward the interior of the house and leaving Fellon to wrap or unwrap his damn presents, whatever the case may be.  The kitchen seemed a lost cause, but he could at least take stock of a potential meal.  Maybe if he grabbed something quick, they could do something about lunch together.  First though, he at least had to find Douglas.

        He wandered toward the library and paused when he heard voices from the office on the other side.  Those two baritones were unmistakable: Varric and Douglas.  Even lowered he could tell they were up to something.  Birthday plans maybe? He smiled and knocked softly before letting himself in.  The whispering stopped immediately.  He looked between the two looking guilty as hell.  “What is it?”

        Varric cleared his throat.  “We’re just trying to come up with a good story.”

        Anders smiled in confusion.  “For what?” Douglas never let on he was a writer in any way.

        Douglas straightened.  “For my absence.”

        “Being ill isn’t enough?”

        “No one wants to.  Party with an invalid.”

        Anders looked between the two of them.  “Or be ruled by one.”  That definitely got a reaction.  Shock mostly.  Anders could even read a tinge of fear, he had seen it enough lately.

        Douglas sat forward.  “What?”

        Short blond locks curtained Anders’ face as he looked at the ground, shaking his head.  “Nothing.  Just something Fellon said.” Anders moved forward.  “I didn’t want to interrupt, just wish you a happy birthday.”

        Anders stopped short when Douglas pulled away from him.  Those blue eyes started searching as Douglas asked, “What did he say?”

        Was it the fact that Douglas would probably know or the fact that he didn’t want to lie the real reason he didn’t?  “I don’t know.  Something about you being the heir, and he the king.  It was nothing, really.  At least nothing of sense.”

        “Why would he say that?”

        Why did he get the impression he was being interrogated rather than being asked simple questions?  “I was tired of being a complication, and I wanted to know why I was.  Bianca isn’t.  I don’t want to be either.”

        Varric chuckled, “You don’t know Bianca.”

        Douglas rolled his eyes at Varric, smothering his amusement especially since Anders looked less than pleased.

        Anders grumbled, “That’s not what I meant.  You’re getting married.”

        Douglas rolled away even further, and Varric leaned closer.  Anders was a bit bewildered by the reaction.  Varric asked gleefully, “Is that what this is about? Are you proposing? Is that why you talked to Fellon?” The man fired of his questions like any good reporter.

        Anders was taken aback.  “What? No!”

        Douglas looked relieved, slumping slightly in his chair.

        Anders bristled at the expression.  At least Varric had the decency to look disappointed as he leaned back in his chair again.  Anders demand, “Why would I when I can’t get a straight answer from anyone in this house?  How would I even know if your answer wasn’t a lie?"  He turned from the room, cursing it and himself for not just leaving when it was clear they were not having a normal discussion.

        Anders had barely made it out in the hall when Douglas yelled after, “Anders, wait!” He paused a moment, letting his boyfriend catch up and ask, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

        Douglas leaned in for a kiss, Anders rolled his eyes, “You’ve had it already, remember?”

        When Anders went to start walking again, Douglas grabbed him.  Just as quickly, Anders was released.  The pained expression wasn’t easy to misread, especially after the other man apologized.  “I shouldn’t have grabbed you.  I’m sorry.”

        “It’s fine, Douglas.” Anders wished he’d grab him a lot more, but he bit his tongue.  Douglas swallowed down his protest, still shifting uneasily.  Anders sighed, “I’m sorry too.  I didn't come to upset you, just hoped for plans.”

        “Like what?’

        “I don’t know.  Food? Some time? Doesn’t the birthday person usually decided that stuff?  Your brother seems to be enjoying his; I thought we might too.” 

        That got those blue eyes to look up again though they obviously didn't care for the information.  “What he does is his business, but I want to know what he told you.”

        “He didn’t tell me anything, just left me with more goddamn riddles.” Again though when Douglas relaxed, Anders angered.  “So no, I am not looking to complicate you further.”

        That brought back the dejection.  “That’s not why I would have said no.”

        Asking or not, that still hurt.  “What? Then why?” Anders asked as Douglas went to go back in the office.  Anders wanted to grab him too, to finish this conversation, because he was getting away.  This was not how Anders saw this day going, shut out and hurting once more.

        “You do not need some broken thing, Anders.”

        With that, the door cut off any response he could have come up with.

 

 

 

        Anders cracked and made himself some breakfast, but he was starting to feel a little guilty for picking on a fight on a “holiday”.  Or that’s what it felt like he did to him.  The office was empty though when he went to look, the whole house was.  Even the entry felt like a huge void now that the trees were taken down.  Golden Sassy had only got to sit on the tree a week before she was packed away.  

        That left outside, and the pool.  He risked peeking through the pool door again, and the party had seemingly moved on, but he could hear music from inside.  He only knew one person who worked out in this gym.  Moving past the pool, he slowly opened the door to find Douglas alone on the weight bench.  Anders paused to fume a moment, concentrating on the song since he had heard it before.

_         Rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells _

_         They rally round tha family! With a pocket full of shells _

        Anders recognized the song now, “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine; Nate used to listen to it a lot.  He let the door click behind him, clearing his throat to hopefully not startle the other man.  “You know that is decidedly unwise even completely healthy.”

        Douglas was as quick to respond as he ever was, obviously knowing the man was there announced or not.  “It’s not the first time, and they were busy.”

        “I would prefer if you didn’t.  I don’t want to find you dead under the thing next time I have to hunt for you.”

        Douglas ignored him, pushing through a few more reps before setting the bar in the cradle.  Grabbing a towel he had left close by, he sat up, wiping at his face and arms with a towel.  “Well, it might be one of the few ways I would get to die in peace.”

        For a moment, Anders just stared at him before he shook his head and left the man to trying to kill himself.  Douglas sighed.  “Anders.”

        “What?” Anders tone reflected his mood, not at all amused and edging back to pissed.

        “I appreciate your concern, but I know my limits.  This is not my first time in a gym.”

        That got Anders to turn around.  “No, you did.  Just because you did something for decades doesn’t mean you can jump right back to it now.  Do you do it when that happened?” A finger pointed at the other man’s chest.

        Douglas rolled his eyes, standing up.  “I was 13, and I took up swimming.  Someone doesn’t want me to drown though.” Blue eyes stared pointedly at the somebody as Douglas moved past the other man to the door.

        “Well, forgive me for giving a shit.  I just asked someone be around when you did.” Anders huffed back ready to stomp back through the house, but Douglas did a turn he wasn’t expecting, making Anders pause once more.  He was heading for the backyard, sweaty and half clothed in mid January, still cold even by Kirkwall standards of weather.  “What are you doing now?”

        The door to the exterior clicked behind Douglas without an answer.  

        Anders growled, stomping after him, beginning to believe that Douglas was less a mama’s boy and just a shit who needed constant mothering.  Even clothed in his usual long sleeves and pants there was a nip in the air.  He pulled up short when he saw what Douglas was doing.  A lit cigarette in the other man’s hand.  “Since when do you smoke?”

        “Since always, Anders.  I own a nightclub.”

        “That doesn’t make sense.  I’ve never seen you do it before.”

        Douglas sighed, “I have a very occasional cigarette when I am stressed.”

        “Those won’t help.  They are a stimulate.”

        Douglas snorted.  “You know, I always believed people who said that just never tried it.” He turned to look at Anders then.  “Am I right?”

        Anders' jaw jutted forward.  “Or maybe a doctor just knows what he is talking about.”

        Douglas smirked, turning back to look over the outer pool and garden.  ‘They aren’t the only ones who say it.”

        “Well, I would rather you would smoke the pot if you must.”

        Douglas made a gagging sound.  “That shit stinks.  Makes me nauseous.”

        Exasperation was clearing setting in as Anders seemed just as lost as he ever had been to figuring this man out.  “And this is better?”    


        “You know, you are kind of making this pointless.”

        “Again, I’m sorry for my concern over your bad habits.”

        Douglas smirked again with a snort of laughter, “Baby, I am a bad habit.”

        “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

        Douglas swallowed, looking at Anders before shaking his head and putting out the object of concern.  “There.  Happy?”

        Not remotely.  At the moment, it felt like an appeasement to get him to drop the last question.  “Should I bother to complain about the weather and your attire?”

        “No.”

        Anders stared at Douglas.  Something changed this morning, and he had a feeling it had something to do with that talk with Varric.  “Well, I won’t waste my breath.”

        This time when Douglas called after no one gave chase or bothered to stop.


End file.
